Sometimes I am such an asshole. And sometimes I try to be a nice person and end up being an asshole. Like today.
I have a Netflix subscription that I tend to forget about. I order the movies and we either watch them and I forget to mail them back or we just plain forget to watch them. Usually I’ll remember when I see the charge on my credit card and I’ll get the movies. At that point I have decide if its worth it to actually watch the movies and risk letting them hide in our entertainment center for another month or if I should just cut my losses and stick them back in the mail immediately. Today I chose to just stick the unwatched movies back in the mail. After all, one of the movies was some documentary about Ben Franklin and HONESTLY who wants to watch that? Apparently I did at some point, but that’s unimportant.
I went out to the mailbox this afternoon before the mailman had a chance to get here and I put the movies in the mailbox. I was so proud of myself. I had ACCOMPLISHED something today. Being such a hard worker is so REWARDING, you know?
In the spirit of hard workers everywhere, I decided to help Cleatus out and bring one of our garbage cans back to the garage with me. After all, I was standing right next to them and I could easily bring one back. I certainly wasn’t going to go back later and get the other one, but I could take the one with me on my walk to the house. Hardworking = Me.
About halfway down our long ass driveway I realized that my garbage can was kind of heavy. Like maybe there was still garbage in it? I slowed down a little, but didn’t stop walking because I didn’t want to call attention to myself. I very casually looked around at the neighbors’ driveways. All of their cans were still sitting by the road.
Our garbage man ALWAYS comes around 7 in the morning. I know this because I am usually still trying to sleep and he is loud. Also, Cleatus used to miss the garbage man all the time because he comes so early. SURELY I WAS NOT CARRYING OUR GARBAGE BACK TO THE HOUSE.
But I was.
And I kept on going. I may have even started whistling, trying to be all tra-la-la, nothing amiss over here, I just wasn’t quite done with my garbage yet. My neighbors weren’t even outside. Most of them work anyway and it was 2 in the afternoon. But even if they were all outside just staring at me WHO CARES if my neighbors see me take the garbage can from the road to the house and back again? WHO CARES?
Apparently I do.
The garbage man just went down the other side of the road and he’ll be coming up my side in just a moment. Should I take the can back out there? What if someone sees me? What will they think I was doing? They will totally think I’m an idiot. I just can’t do it.
Cleatus is going to be so happy that I helped him out today.
Gawd, I’m an asshole.
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