In the future, when you are trying to quickly tidy the living room before sitting down to enjoy the best TV show ever (Duh! Jericho!) be very careful of how many things you pick up at once. For example, holding a small stuffed doll, book of sudoku that you stole from your dad and plan to never return because his is for blind old people and TOTALLY easier to see than yours, one plastic toy wagon being pulled by 4 plastic toy horses, a stray cell phone, and six or seven scraps of misc. paper in one hand and in the other hand holding, say, your $1000 laptop…well, this is just not a good idea. Because, you see…the way this world works is that all the junk in the one hand will stay there. The laptop, your most precious thing in the world, more important even than your children, it will be the thing to crash to the floor, flip over on its back, roll a bit, flip back to its front and then grunt at you like WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR? And you will stand there with your mouth gaping thinking shit shit shit all the while clinging desperately to the handful of SHIT that managed to escape death by plummeting 3 feet to the hard, hard floor. But, then you will realize that the SHIT is just shit and you will fling it mercilessly to the couch and slowly, ever so slowly, so as not to frighten your poor injured laptop, bend down and pat him. Having watched the show ER you will know enough that it is never a good idea to move someone after such a fall, but you will feel such guilt and sorrow that you will have to pick the laptop up to show it how sorry you are and that it was truly an ACCIDENT. And, if you kiss the laptop before opening it up, he will be just fine. JUST FINE. Whew.