The best laid plans and all that…

Today I planned to take Cindy-Lu to pick Eeyore up from school, then swing by the grocery, then head home, and from there leave to go to my parents for dinner.

We walked out the door with plenty of time to spare to get to the school and actually find a parking spot in the extremely too small parking lot. I had to walk off the driveway and into the neighbors yard to open Cindy-Lu’s door. She was following behind me. Our neighbor has been destroying his yard with a cement truck adding a porch to the back of his house and the yard is a big fucking mess a bit torn up. So. I step in a little mud and hurry to open the door so I can grab Cindy-Lu before she steps in all the mud. And by all the mud, I mean ALL THE MUD IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS JUST DROPPED NEXT TO MY CAR AND THEN SNOWED ON AND THEN THE SNOW MELTED AND NOW IT IS A VERITABLE LAKE OF BROWN DIRTY MUD.

As I turned back to grab Cindy-Lu she slipped. She fell. Face first into the lake of mud. Arms flailing about, I rushed to her side in the hopes of saving her before the mud SUCKED HER IN so great is the power of this mud.  I  stepped in to the deep part where Cindy-Lu was laying, face first, mud EVERYWHERE, and nearly tripped. I know, you were all hoping that I did fall in the mud, because what a funny story that would be, but you’ll just have to settle for knowing that I ruined my semi-new Skechers.

I scooped Cindy-Lu up and she was covered. COVERED in mud. My only option was to put her in the car and get my ass to school, because now I DEFINITELY needed a spot in the parking lot because that is the only way I can leave her in the car when I pick up Eeyore. If I’m not in the parking lot I have to take her with me to get him, and OHMIGOD the MUD on this child. I couldn’t take her in public like that. So, I buckle her in as best I can without getting THE MUD all over me and notice that she has now transferred the mud onto not only her carseat, but my coat that was in the backseat, the portable DVD player hanging on the seat in front of her and pretty much anywhere else she could reach. I ran in the house to get some baby wipes, for what I don’t know. There was so much MUD that no way was a baby wipe going to do any good, but it made me feel more in control to have them with me.

Halfway to her bedroom I remembered that I also had stepped in the mud. I also remembered that I mopped this morning. THE MUD, people. THE MUD!!

I got back to the car knowing that there was no way in hell that I was getting a parking spot in that stupid fucking little parking lot. I ended up driving around the block in circles unto there was an opening which meant that I was late picking Eeyore up from school. I couldn’t bear to look back at her and see what havoc she had wreaked on my car so I made myself concentrate on the road and ignore the mess. That is, until I heard her spitting. I looked back and she had a mouthful of mud. I can only guess that she thought it was chocolate. Or, hell, maybe she knew it was mud and just didn’t give a shit.

I also could obviously not go to the grocery store, because HELLO people, I had a child covered in MUD in my backseat. So, we got home, I stripped her naked in the entry way and proceeded to clean her brand new Reeboks. That was a waste of time. They aren’t coming clean.

THE MUD! Oh, the mud.