Lets Talk About Sex, Baby. Lets Talk About You and Me!

July 11, 2007 | Filed in: s-e-x

Well, not you and me together. Having sex. Just you and me talking about sex together.

I have a question for all you wild and crazy ladies, or hell, maybe even for you little Catholic school girls who were taught that only whores enjoy sex and now you are rebelling by actually enjoying the s-e-x. Whatever. If you’re having sex, I want to talk to you about it.

Heres the thing. I’m a wee bit loud when it comes to night time activities. We all know that normally I’m just a delicate little flower, but when it comes to lovin’ I let it out. (Hi there, Dad! Why don’t you click here so you can maybe stop throwing up.)

Cleatus enjoys the loudness that is our sex, but I’m not sure Eeyore and Cindy-Lu appreciate it. I mean, at this point, I don’t think they’ve ever heard me. We tend to wait until they are asleep and not much wakes them up. But, one day, sooner rather than later, my son is going to be laying in bed with a pillow over his ears begging God to just kill him now and put him out of his misery. And thats just not right.

So, ladies, what do you do? Were you loud before kids? Are you loud after kids? Do you tone it down? Do you not utter a peep? Or, heaven forbid, do you just not have sex anymore?

25 Comments so far
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I choked on my Dew with that ‘delicate flower’ comment, girl.

And what the heck is sex after back-to-back pregnancies and a morbid fear of having a third? j/k

Loudness doesn’t matter much in our house since half the people here are deaf and the other half sleep thru anything and you’d think they were deaf, too, if not dead.

I had actually blogged about this a while back…

Since Dave and I became parents, we’ve discovered that noise is the number one thing that tips off the sex police (i.e. Julia and the cats). So we’re silent lovers who rely on a complex series of gestures for communication. Imagine a baseball coach gesturing to the batter to tell him how to swing and you’ve gotten a glimpse of our foreplay. We save the wild and uninhibited sex - i.e. sex with sound - for when we’re alone or at a hotel or something.

We also write each other steamy love notes - I’ll slip them in his briefcase or he’ll leave them on the dresser. Then, we can say, “Yeah - do that thing from page two, paragraph three!” Okay, not really. But the love notes do build some excitement and make up for our lack of verbal communication during the real deal.

We do it when he’s asleep, and slightly quieter than normal if we really don’t want him to wake up.

Fuck you’d be a nosey tart eh? !!!! I am QUIET…. kids do tend to put a dampner on the noise, you know, you can do ‘it’ without making a shit load of noise mate! Quiet groans are ok…. make sure as the kids grow you put them in the bedrooms furtherest away from ya room, or you end up having to just tell them to block their ears or bugger off for a while…. ours know the routine, if our bedroom door is closed, it’s time to turn up the tv loudly! Or go out for an hour or so…

You crack me the hell up… !!

I would suggest (ahem…) waiting for the kids to be dead-ass asleep and going somewhere where you can shut the door. Maybe even turn a TV on to sort of “tone” out the noises!!??

Or… there’s always your car… right?? LOL

- Audrey

I’m *L.O.U.D*, too. I cannot for the LIFE OF ME help it. TV -yes. Helps. Pillow stuffed in the mouth, also helps. Grab his neck with your mouth, etc. Anything to try to keep that mouth shut!!! LOL!

I declare, I feel a little faint. I need a fan. It’s so hot in here.

*snort*

You crack me up!

Ok…my kids are grown now and my youngest is only home summers and during winter break from college, so noise hasn’t been an issue for awhile. However, I do remember what it was like when they all lived at home (all four of them) and they were no longer babies, toddlers or even in the single digits. It was difficult to say the least.

We’ve always been fortunate that our bedroom was on the opposite side of the house but it was over the basement rec room. Not good when the boys where teens. We switched things up and morning sex was pretty much all we had for a few years. We were always up before they were.

None the less we’ve had our times when we thought we were home alone for the afternoon only to come out of our room to find out that one of the kids’ plans fell through and there they were in the living room (down the hall from our room) watching tv and not quite able to meet our eyes. *shudder* Nothing like realizing that your 17 yr. old son probably heard you moaning, groaning and panting like a porn star…eek!

Having kids certainly does take a toll on the activities in the bedroom.

Take heart though…they do eventually grow up and move out ;)Until then…shhhhhh.

we have a Hepa filter and while it does wonders improve the air quality in our room on the lowest setting, we use the highest to um cover noises. Lots of pillow biting occurs too and some day soon we’ll have a stereo or TV in our bedroom to also drown out our um vocalness

Heh… I bite a pillow, and sometimes turn on a movie in the background to drown it out.

Another LOUD one here, though I do try to be respectful when in my parent’s house. My kids have caught me out, as in “Mom, I heard you crying last night, but then you stopped” and one day sitting on the edge of my bed with a girlfriend the mattress squeaked a little and she said “oh, my that’s kind of loud!” and my daughter said “you think that’s loud that’s the sound I hear every night and it keeps me awake!”
ummm… oops!
But it’s a fact of life isn’t it? And even though it kind of grossed me out when I knew my parents were doing IT behind their closed bedroom door on a Sunday afternoon, I feel I wouldn’t be giving my own teen and tween the joy of being embarrassed by their parents if I were to stop.

Right now our kids are too young to really know what’s going on plus they sleep like the dead. In a few years, however, I can imagine there will be a lot of pillow biting. Because, really - having to listen to your parents? Ack!

Gee I hope my mom (who also reads your blog) doesn’t click onto the comments section and bust me, you know since I’m a pregnant virgin with 2 other kids and all…
I’ve never been that loud, and we don’t need to be since both of the kids have finely tuned sex radars and wake up crying anytime we get even remotely close to starting something. However, sometimes we’ll throw a movie on in the morning (which distracts them for, oh, about 3 seconds) and go for it, usually under the covers while the kids bug us to read books or look at a toy…

I was the kid whose mother got remarried when I was 10. My sister (whose bedroom was right below theirs) used to come climb into bed with me when they were being too loud.

So I’m a bit sensitive to the topic.

I try to tone it down a bit. Makes hotel sex that much more fun.

Unfortunately though, three boys tends to put a bit of a damper on the waterbed waltzing.

I’m loud, but now we wait until the kids are well, well, well asleep. At least we hope they’re asleep. There was that one time when my then 4-year-old son asked me if my back was hurting again…the shame!

I have a 7 year old who wakes up if we accidently blink too loud after he goes to bed. We’ve learned tobe very, very, very quiet. It was either that or have him come running into our room two minutes into our special grown up time. (As a side note, both my husband and I were scarred forever by our loud parents and we’ve sworn to not do the same to our kids.)

First off… WTF! 16 people got here before me? You are so freaking popular girl.

Second, without discussing the ins and outs of sex.. ha ha, ins and outs… sex… ha ha… i’m funny… anyway, without getting into detail, I am LOUD… or used to be, pre-children. Now we have to be quiet. Hubs always makes fun of me saying I wake the neighbors. But I can’t do that anymore. Our bed is literally about 10 feet from each of the kids rooms. Old house, loft bedroom with two bedrooms off of that… where the kids sleep.

If they are ever not around… I’ll resume my decibel levels.

This post really cracked me up as I am constantly getting ’shushed’ by my fiance because yes, I have a big mouth as well.

Love it every other weekend, when we are kid free and I can truly let it all hang out!!! LOL

Well, the split floor plan helps.

I’m loud

The boys are still young enough to stay asleep but gosh I’m hoping I’m not so loud that they hear me across the house and while asleep.

Any other time of day, I tone it down.

I’m with Mamma….hotel sex is the best so that I can be loud!

At home, I keep quiet. My son is a light sleeper and nothing kills the mood like a screaming kid!

We used to be loud. Now we’re very very quiet. We have two kids and my parents live in the spare bedroom. I can’t decide if it’s worse to be caught by my preschooler or my father.
Hotel sex is greatness. I’m way louder than I used to be, just because I can.

Who are all you people out there having all this sex?! You are discrediting my claim to Hubs that it’s NORMAL to have sex only once or twice a month.

Geez, some people just have to ruin it for everybody else…

OK, now that that’s out of the way.

Pre-children, we were loud, so loud that we once were too embarrassed to eat breakfast at a little Scottish inn because we were certain that every guest there must have heard us the night before.

Now, well, if and when it happens (once or twice a month as per what I say is normal), I shove my face in a pillow, occasionally muttering to Hubs, “Shh, the children! Shh!”

We find it adds to the moment.

I can be loud but I can also be quiet if necessary. My kids are all still little and naive enough not to have any idea what we’re doing. In fact my seven year old busted us quite recently - and though he did look a bit puzzled …and a bit like…”Shit, I’m outta here.” I still don’t think he had ANY idea what we’re doing.

I have In-Law living with me, they have been here since
April 5th and I sleep on the couch… What’s sex?

When our Beeba was about 13, she asked her dad if we could try to be a little quieter..her bedroom shared a wall with ours. How embarrassing!
We recently moved her to a new room down the hall.. it only took us 8 years to do that.

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