I couldn’t think of a title if I tried. So I didn’t.

July 30, 2007 | Filed in: Random Thoughts

I’ve been so busy the last few days that I haven’t had time for all my favorite internet bloggy buddies and I miss you guys! However, I do have lots of EXCITING! NEWS! (not really, don’t get your hopes up!) to share with you. This post would work much better using bullets, but because I just used bullets on my last post I have to wonder how long y’all would continue coming back if I kept writing with bullets? The answer, I would guess, is not very damn long. So, I’ll write in paragraphs, just don’t expect one paragraph to flow neatly into the next, because all this? Totally doesn’t tie in together.

So, now that you’ve been warned, lets start with ugly people. I just got back from Wal-Mart and it never fails that at some point during my visit I will be horrified by the ugliness of some person shopping there. Seriously, what is it about Wal-Mart that brings out the uglies in people? You just don’t get that kind of horrid disfigurement anywhere else. And I’m not talking about people going there in their jammies with unwashed hair. I’m talking about people who are JUST. SO. FUCKING. UGLY. you can’t stand to look at them. Where do these people come from? (And I know I’m not a pretty little princess, but at least both my eye balls stare straight ahead, my mouth doesn’t droop, my teeth aren’t brown, and my nose isn’t 3 miles long or 6 feet wide.)*shudder*

Now lets talk a little more about Wal-Mart. Did you know that you can buy boneless skinless chicken breasts for around $5-6 a pound. OR you can buy a fully cooked rotisserie chicken that can feed four for just $3.88. OR you could buy 8 pieces of fried chicken for less than $5? I mean, seriously. What kind of moron is going to buy the more expensive meat and then COOK IT THEMSELVES? That’s just dumb. So, yeah. We’re pretty much subsisting on fried chicken or rotisserie chicken. Its nice.

And here’s something that has zero to do with Wal-Mart. Cleatus? He done pissed me off. He did something that was so stupid and so dumb and makes me so FURIOUS. But, wait. Here’s the kicker. I can’t blog about it! Because SOMEONE can’t know that what he did PISSED me off. Because then I would feel even more SOMETHING than I do right now. And I’m not sure what pisses me off the most about it. The fact that he did it (REALLY PISSES ME OFF) or the fact that I can’t blog about it (STILL REALLY PISSED OFF)! Anyway, he did apologize, I know that he didn’t mean any harm when he did it, and I did forgive him but I’m still mad. So does that mean I really forgave him? Or did I lie? Because its not like I hate him or anything ANYMORE, but when I think about it I want to hurt him. And call him names. The good part of all this is that I can now freely call him names without feeling guilty. Not that that really stopped me before, but still…

And the last thing. I have a new BFF. Before I say who it is, I want to acknowledge that these other gorgeous ladies are still my BFFs, but now there is someone new. So, old BFFs, just think of it like this: when you have a child your heart fills right up with all the love. And then you have another child and does that take away the love from child one? No! Your heart grows. My heart just grew a little bit for another blogger. Swistle. I’ve always loved her blog, but now? Now I have her to thank for what is soon (HOPEFULLY!!!!!) to be my new baby. How is Swistle getting me a mac? Well, she’s not. But, she did blog about the Couch to 5K running program and when I told Cleatus that me and Eeyore were going to start it he said that he didn’t think I would stick with it, blah blah blah, and now if I do? I get a mac. He’s not to worried that he’ll actually have to pay up, but I don’t think he understands the depth of love I have for a mac. I will do anything, even sweat, for a mac. (And, yes, I am still doing the gym if you were curious. Going pretty good actually!)

Now, lets all just keep our fingers crossed that I don’t run into any ugly people the next time I’m at Wal-Mart, really enjoy my fried chicken for dinner, don’t call Cleatus to many names this evening, and run my ass off tomorrow. The end.

18 Comments so far
Say It!

YOU FREAKING CRACK ME UP!!

Literally… I’m in the kitchen reading your post alou to my husband and he’s freaking cracking up.

I just can’t get enough of you!!

So funny… !!

- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

I wanna come to America just so I can go to walmart and see all those funny looking peeps that hang out there.

You’re very funny!

I was reading and also thinking about something else, and for just a moment I thought I’d somehow talked you into having another baby! Whooo. Great news about the Mac! Because I’m sure you WILL get it. You have that look in your eye.

Do you know about the Couch to 5K podcasts? I’m perpetually stuck in Week 2, but, they rock.

OH HELL, I see truly UGLY people and I think “Can I be so shallow to dislike a person just because they are ugly”? Or “Can I be so shallow to dislike a person cos when they open their mouth and speak they sound so friggin ‘common’ “? I feel bad about this, but like you, these feelings just pop up and they just ARE…what they are…. so I deal with it, but I don’t usually verbalise it on me blog mate, cos who knows how many people out there read my blog and they are UGLY COMMON people!!!! Be careful cos you could be offending the masses….. but not me cos I’m a beautiful talented snob….. ha hah ah hahhahahha. WELL, I have to say it eh cos no one else is!

In response to Chris H’s comment, I just had to say that I wasn’t worried about offending my readers, because DUH y’all are gorgeous and beautiful and OF COURSE I’m not talking about any of you!

I’m glad I’m not the ONLY one that feels the same way about Walmart. But dude, HAHAHA, you speak with such eloquence.

I used to work at a Waffle House in Georgia. I SOOOO have you beat on the ugly.

(I once had a customer actually thank me for treating her brother so well. Apparently the other people there were rude. Now, I may have thought he was ugly, but I’d NEVER let it on to him. I mean, I was 18 and working for tips.)

I’m one of the Wal Mart ugly people. I mean, I have all my teeth, my eyes are alright (although one is really red and itchy from my DAMN ALLERGIES), and I shower and all, but man, I’m not pretty. Dave recently took a picture of me from behind and I’m pretty sure I’m one of those ladies with the ass that takes up the whole aisle.

Anyway, I’ve simply GOT TO KNOW what Cleatus did. I’m trying to use my psychic powers to figure it out. Does it have anything to do with pee?

I’m liking this Couch to 5K running thing, by the way. I wanted to check it out before I commented about it. You know, to make sure it passed the Big Ass Leslie test. I think me and my big ass could do it. The question is…will we?

You’re so right about Walmart. I totally try not to be judgemental about people because of their looks, but dude. There is some serious fug in Walmart. Fug you just see nowhere else. Luckily a Target (where all the beautiful people hang out. Ha, ha) just moved in across from Walmart near my house so I won’t have to go to Walmart much anymore :-p

Good luck whipping Cleatus into shape - sounds like he pulled a doozy

WOOT! My link was the word gorgeous! YIPPEE! I win!

Ok, and I will let you have one more BFF but that is IT! NO MORE! I still should be your one and only… but I’m learning to live with it.

I have never seen a Mac and cannot imagine running anything other than windows. Not because I’m in love with MS Windows but because I have no idea how any other platform would work. But, I do know that MacBook owners are IN LOVE with their MacBooks. I don’t know why but I would love to know.

You crack my FUGLY ass up!

Okay. Today, I went to a certain beach in southwestern Ontario with my three kids, and I SWEAR, all your Walmart people put on bathing suits and showed up there. Fugly doesn’t even BEGIN to sum it up. In BATHING SUITS, Girl!! I almost lost my lunch looking at a few of them. The Walmart of Beaches. Ew.

So, the next time you’re in Walmart checkin’ out with that bargain of a chicken of yours (so smart, I picked up a pre-cooked bird myself tonight, and saved myself no END of trouble at dinnertime!! You’re the best, thanks for the tip!!), just smile and think of me and be thankful you don’t have to look at all those weird people with HARDLY ANY CLOTHES ON.

Again, Ew.

Oh, and by the way, I’m DYING to know what Cleatus did… even though I KNOW you said you can’t tell me. I could share some husband stories of my own, let me tell you…

But, isn’t it amazing how we “forgive” them??!! Sure we can “forgive”, but that doesn’t mean we stop being pissed off as all hell, that’s for sure…

I wonder about Wal Mart too. Because one time a lady walked right by me and farted super loud.

that would never happen in Target.

But then I think hard about it (ouch!) and put farts aside, and think of the less pretty people in Wal Mart and I wonder why they go there when Target isn’t really more expensive. Are you loving my deep thinking so far? And my run on sentences? Hang on, there’s more just for you! What if the people in Wal Mart are more accepting than say, the snooty white collar people in Target of uglier people? Hmmm

Hang on, I’m a target whore. I don’t enjoy shopping at Wal Mart. But I do wonder if the snoot factor has something to do with it.

Running to check out couch to 5k right now, and I miss Walmart.

Damn you make me laugh. And so do your comments.
I heart swistle too. I always call my sister to read her posts.
I haven’t gotten up the courage to do the couch to 5k thing though. I’m a big puss.

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