Everybody Hates Me…Especially Wal-Mart

August 16, 2007 | Filed in: So, apparently I live at Wal-Mart

Would someone care to explain to me why the world is out to get me? Everyone knows that I live at Wal-Mart and pretty much every blog post ever written by me mentions Wal-Mart. In fact, I’m starting to think that Wal-Mart should PAY ME for all the advertising I do for them. Except for today’s post. Today I have a little rant about Wal-Mart.

I love Kraft Seven Seas Viva Italian Salad Dressing. It is the salad dressing that I grew up eating. In fact, one summer when I was around eight years old, my friend and I snuck into my kitchen, filled two small ziploc baggies with the salad dressing and then snuck out to the big hill at the edge of our back yard and hid behind some bushes and DRANK the salad dressing from the baggies. THAT IS HOW GOOD KRAFT SEVEN SEAS VIVA ITALIAN SALAD DRESSING IS. I can drink the shit. And, so of course, Wal-Mart has decided to no longer stock it. Thank you Wal-Mart.

Moving on from salad dressing to Hamburger Helper. When Cleatus and I were first married I made Hamburger Helper about 4 nights a week. (Oh, and by first married, I totally mean the first 3 years.) The other 3 nights we ate fast food. That is a lot of Hamburger Helper. I love Hamburger Helper. In fact, I made it for dinner tonight. I like to make the Cheeseburger Macaroni kind and then put a big scoop on some Butternut White Bread and make it a little sandwich. I can’t even begin to tell you all the health benefits of THAT. Anyway, while I do love me some Cheeseburger Macaroni, everyone knows that I LOVE Mexican food more than all else and so the Nacho Hamburger Helper was my ABSOLUTE favorite. I know y’all are dying to know how I served it and so I will share with you. I would crunch up some Tostitos chips in the bottom of a bowl, plop a big spoonful or three of Hamburger Helper on top of the chips, add shredded cheese, lettuce, salsa and sour cream. Then I’d stir it all up into one big mess and eat my weight in Hamburger Helper comfort food goodness. AND GUESS WHAT? Wal-Mart no longer carries Nacho Hamburger Helper. Bastards.

But here is the kicker. I went to Alabama a few months ago and got hooked on sweet tea. I love sweet tea. But I can’t make it for shit. (Any Southerners out there with sweet tea tips? I will love you long time.) So, I decided to try a jug of the Red Diamond Sweet Tea. I know, I know. It couldn’t possibly taste good, its pre-made, old tea. OHMAHGAWD! That tea? It is so fucking good. Cleatus and I go through nearly a gallon a day. That is, we DID go through nearly a gallon day. That’s right. Wal-Mart has been out of Red Diamond for over a week now and its starting to look like they aren’t going to be stocking it again anytime soon.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I really don’t.

Now, lets hear some of your favorite foods that have been discontinued? I’m not the only one this happens to, right?

32 Comments so far
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Hidden Valley Ranch Honey Dijon salad dressing. Oh why have you forsaken me?

WalMart sucks. In any state. No Four Cheese Chicken Helper. No Cheesy Noodle Tuna Helper. Usually 25% of my list won’t be on the shelves, so I’ve decided to boycott WM and just spend more at Publix. We need to eat less anyway.

Can you tell I need a lot of help in the kitchen?

Funny you should mention this today, because I have had steam coming out of my ears since this morning, when I discovered that my local grocery store no longer carries the grapefruit flavor of Crystal Light. Grrrr!

Dave loves those Bowl Appetit things for in his lunch. NO MORE. I can’t find them. I also used to use Jiff Peanut Butter that was packaged like stick butter for cooking. It was a gift from God. I can’t find that anywhere either!

Damn Wal-Mart rat bastards.

I really can’t think of any food I’ve loved that’s been discontinued, but I will join you in your hate-on for Wal-Mart if it makes you feel better.

The kids used to like the skippy to go tubes of peanut butter…okay, I did too, but they are nowhere anymore. Dayum.

Delurking to say I use a Mr. Coffee tea maker. It makes great tea & is easy to use.
Also want to say love your blog.

Wal-Mart hates me too, but for other reasons. Why do they only have sugar-free oatmeal in their brand for $1.50 or the $99 box of quaker or whateverthehell it is? SUGAR FREE OATMEAL? wtf.

Why do I pay $11.54 for 121 diapers at the supercenter, and pay $11.54 for 84 diapers at the regular walmart?

WHY have they apparently stopped stocking the wal-mart brand of dove soap?

bastards.

De-lurking to add that my son misses the Lego Banana bread waffles and I have to search high and low for regular Trident Cinnamon gum - everything is flavor blast/gel-in-the-middle crap. I know there are others….
Love your blog btw.

They don’t sell my brand of kitty litter anymore. Not that we eat it or anything. Target is better than Wally’s!

Karly, go get yourself a Mr. Coffee ice tea maker, (we are on our 2nd one, we use it so much)its EZ to use and makes great sweet tea. Really, you can ask my husband,(he’s from NC and thats all they drink) As far as one of my favorite things that have been discontinued from my grocery store, its the butter & herb pasta italiano flavor Pasta-Roni. I used to make it for my daugher all the time, just added sweet italian sausage for a quick meal, yummmm. Anyway, ive not been able to find it anywhere but believe it or not, i was in walmart the other day, (i never go, but a new one opened near by, so i had to check it out) and there it was!!! i know, go figure, so i bought several boxes. hehe

If you go through Alabama again, make sure to stop at Milo’s and try their tea. They’re famous for it. Literally, it’s called “Milo’s Famous Iced Tea.” They use cane sugar or molasses or something to sweeten it. And get a burger too, slathered in Milo’s special sauce and onions. Deelish.

Seriously, you can make tea without a fancy machine! You just need a pitcher, some tea bags (Luzianne is the best!) and sugah! Boil up some water, turn it off and throw the teabags in (Luzianne makes big ones just for this sort of thing–I use 2 or 3), and add a bunch of sugar while the water is hot. Stir it all up, throw it in a pitcher, and put that in the fridge. Voila! Also: Cheesy Enchilada Hamburger Helper is THE BEST. It’s a little different because it’s rice and not noods, but it’s soooo gooood. And I’m pissed because I can’t find Planters Cheez Balls ANYWHERE.

Number one, you need help.
Number two, consider Wal-Marts lack of stocking your favorite products a blessing in disguise.
Number three, I make sweet tea by pouring water into a large gallon sized glass jar. Then I add the appropriate amount of sugar (generally 3/4 to 1 cup of teeth rotting goodness is enough for me) and then place 8-10 tea bags in the jar and place the honkin’ sized jar in the sun for a few hours. Viola. Sweet tea.

Oh and as soon as it’s out of the sun I place it in the fridge to cool off first. Sweet Iced Tea is yummy!!!!!

Drive by tea tip:

Put 3 -4 family size bags in coffe maker, 12 cups of water. While it is brewing, fill up pitcher ( I think ours is a gallon, but cant remember) with ice and about a cup or so of sugar (I usually eyeball it). When the tea is done brewing, pour it over the ice & sugar, stir it up and you have the best iced sweet ever. We love Chicken Express (Texas staple)sweet tea and all of our friends say it is comparable to that.

um… I like plain tea not sweet, but luzianne does make the best Iced Tea, no matter the method.

Pillsbury Turnovers - the bastards around here chose to carry some other brand (does not matter which chain, target, walmart, king soopers, safeway - they all carry the WRONG ones)

Also, personally walmart and target just gross me out for groceries, but part of that is that here, they carry nearly nothing — sounds like your walmart has a great grocery store - ours is pathetic! And the produce sucks big time — I stick with Costco and the grocery chains.

Safeway quit carrying their own brand of really extra super large container cottage cheese - I bitched every time I was in and they started carrying it again!

I am goig to my WalMart today to investigate. Maybe they have that nacho shit you love, and if so I will buy the rest and ship it to you.

Cause I love you like that.

It’s not a food but this perfume that my Mom got me when I was 6 years old has be discontinued forever. I’ve been saving the last few sprays since I was 10 years old for my wedding day (now in a month!). I just found an unopnened bottle and I ebay and I won it. I am so excited!

On another note, the service desk of these stores usually has a “requested item” form that you can fill out which will sometimes make them re-stock the stuff you like. Good luck!

Lately I can’t find my favorite crackers. They are the Swiss Cheese ones….the ones that are made by the company that makes Better Cheddars. I’ve been really pissed! And the more I can’t find them, the more I want them!

Karly,
OMG! It’s not a food… but they discontinued my Thermasilk Shampoo and Conditioner! Let me just say, this is the ONLY stuff that works well with my hair, everything else is sub-par! I have had to start using SUNSILK, similar but not the same!!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

Just move in with me here in Bama and our Wal-Fart will keep you stocked in HH and Red-Diamond Sweet Tea.

I like the Lasagna Hamburger Helper. Mmmm.

I hate Walmart because they CONSTANTLY get me hooked on something and then they’re constantly out of stock, or else they discontinue it. Hate. Them.

Karly, I made you some white trash dessert to make you feel better. Come over to my blog and see…

Thats exactly why I shop at the TARGET DIRECTY next to the walmart here. The isles are bigger, and they carry EVERYTHING!

Screw the food, THE FUCKERS DISCONTINUED MY UNDER-EYE CONCEALER. Now I have to walk around looking like a freakin’ vampire and scaring small children. On the upside, I’m going as myself for Hallowe’en this year. Take THAT Wal-Mart “seasonal” department.

Ruffles onion dip and frozen cauliflower cheese. At first I thought it was just our Safeway that stopped carrying these, but I can’t find them anywhere. Our Safeway is also very unreliable about stocking Sun Maid raisins.

You’re cute when you’re angry. Heh.

Mr Coffee iced tea maker
1 cup sugar
3 family sized Luzianne bags

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY

HIlls Brothers Coffee. They put the squeeze on suppliers all the time and stop carrying stuff. You also have to watch their cheese - very often (3x) you get it home and realize it is moldy in he package.

Yeap, and that’s why I now buy my groceries from Amazon.

Avocados.

My corner grocery up and stopped selling them two weeks ago. I was apoplectic, could barely contain myself enough to speak to the manager. It is a well known secret in my family that I’m an avocado junkie (eat about 3-4 of them a week… and thats just me). So I figured the grocery clerks had noticed my ‘habit’ and were playing with my head when they up and removed them one day.

Well… after speaking with the manager, apparently there was a missed delivery, and the beautiful green things did show up on the egracery shelves a few days later.

phew…. me? paranoid?

I couldn’t find Ro-tel tomatoes in New York for a while- how the hell is a transplanted redneck supposed to make freaking cheese dip without it! Hmph.
sweet tea:
Simple syrup- 2 parts sugar, 1 part water, bring to boil, melt sugar,, cool.
Boil 4 cus water. Pour over 10 tea bags in a pitcher. brew 10 min. Add 1 c simply syrup- them fill with ice & water. Suck it down in huge jars. YUM

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