Cleatus thinks that I am C-R-A-Z-Y for wanting to go organic. I have been sneakily buying organic food for quite awhile now if the price isn’t a big difference from the regular, pesticide-laden variety. He is really paying attention now, though, and constantly makes fun of me when he sees something organic in our kitchen. It is okay if you think that he is dumb. I think it too.

At the grocery today I bought some organic eggs. I was just finishing up putting together the deviled eggs when Cleatus walked in from work. He snatched one up and scarfed it down. I, of course, asked him if it tasted better than usual. I was hoping to prove a point to him that organic food is not only healthier but tastes better as well.

About the time I got my question out he began choking.

He coughed. And he coughed. He drank something and tried to speak. He cleared his throat. He coughed some more. He cleared his throat again. He looked at me accusingly, like why? Should it taste better? Does arsenic add flavor?

After about 10 minutes of his non-stop throat clearing and coughing and choking and sputtering in between our conversation I told him to KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF. He couldn’t. I was beginning to worry that his throat was going to swell shut and I’d have to admit that he was right and organic food isn’t all its cracked up to be.

After awhile Eeyore asked his dad what was wrong with him.

"Oh, your mom just poisoned me with this stuff called ORGANIC."

The White Castle story comes tomorrow. Don’t forget to leave your vote on this post!

Love the steamy, cheesy goodness

OR

Hate the rotted "meat" that just the though of choking one of those fuckers down makes you audibly gag?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

So, yeah. How ya guys been? I feel like a loser blogger lately. I haven’t been around much and it is totally stressing me out. I think to myself that "Oh, I don’t have anything interesting to say," but I do! I really, really do!

I want to tell you guys about the fight I got into in high school. Over a boy. A big loser boy that I didn’t even really like that much. And how I actually said the words "Meet me in the parking lot at 4pm," because I was one big tough girl. The police even came.

I also want to ramble on and on about all the CHEMICALS! and THE THINGS THEY DO! and how WE ARE DYING! from THE CHEMICALS! I read an article the other day about CHEMICALS! being in pretty much EVERYTHING and how bad it is and y’all it is stressing me out. I recently switched to non-toxic cleaners and laundry detergent, but there is SO MUCH MORE that I need to do and thinking about it is keeping me awake at night. Right now my biggest concern is the drinking water. We drink bottled water. Every day. Every bit of water that we drink comes from a plastic bottle. Plastic bottles have CHEMICALS! So, then I think well, we’ll just stop doing that and I’ll start buying a gallon of water instead. But, guess what? The gallon jug? Its made of plastic. So, then I think well, we’ll drink tap water. And then I remember that our tap water is kind of yucky and when you boil it all this white stuff floats to the top and sorry, but no. So, I lay in bed trying to sleep but instead I think of how THE WATER IS KILLING MY FAMILY.

I want to tell you about my son and how much I love him and how I just LOVE homeschooling him. I am so proud of him. Today we learned about how a baby is made. I said words like "extra blood flows into the penis and it gets long and hard" and "the vagina gets stretchy and soft" and "then the penis goes into the vagina and sperm shoots out and fertilizes the egg" and did I mention that when I said the word vagina the first time he asked me what that was and I said "um…well, you have a penis and girls have a vagina…you know, like what Cindy-Lu has. Can you remember what it looks like?" And then I wondered if it would be wrong to go un-diaper Cindy-Lu to give him a visual and then I thought to myself "Jesus Christ! What the hell am I thinking?" and I just said "girlshavevaginasandyou’veseenCindy-Lu’swhensheisn’twearingadiaperandinsidethereisaholeandthatiswhereapenisgoesokay?" And then I fell over dead while he sat there traumatized and wanting to vomit. Sex Ed! Fun!

And, last, I want to tell you about hair bows! I love hair bows! I’m thinking about making my own and maybe selling them, but probably just making them for Cindy-Lu, because hi, I’m lazy and they might take away from my naps or something.

This weekend I am going out of town SHOPPING with my mommy and I won’t be back until Monday evening, so if you don’t hear from me, I have not died, I have just decided to move to the mall, because mall? I love you.

As we were getting ready to walk out the door to take Eeyore to Spanish class this afternoon I ran into Cindy-Lu’s room to grab a baby wipe to wash her face with. I picked up the box and realized it was empty.

"Where are all your wipeys?" I asked her.

A lightbulb lit up above her head and she reached down with both hands and grabbed herself between her legs. "They’re in my ‘gina!"

Now if I could just get her to keep a spare diaper up there I wouldn’t have to worry about hauling around a diaper bag.

I never usually have a problem with Mondays. Yes, its the start of another school week, but its not as if I have to wake up early and rush off to work with a hangover or something. I wake up around the same time every day, I get hangovers all throughout the week and weekend so thats nothing new (oh, I’m kidding), and I don’t have an extra busy day of work. Mondays are just like any other day.

Today, however, I did have to wake up early. I had a doctor’s appointment early this morning. I get really bad headaches and the only thing that takes them away for a good long time is an occipital nerve block, aka a shot in the back of my head at the base of my skull. (Its quite a pleasant experience and I really enjoy getting these shots. /sarcasm)

Since the appointment was early this morning I didn’t even have a headache when I went in. I usually don’t get one until around noon and then it lasts all day. But, because my doctor loves me so much, he pushed on the occipital nerve (a spot at the base of your skull) and WOW! IT GAVE ME A HEADACHE INSTANTLY! And then he kept pushing until he found the spot that hurt the worst and made me want to punch him in the head. And THEN he got out his big ol’ needle and stuck it in the back of my head. Side Note: The night before the appointment my mama was telling me not to get this done again because she thinks its a little weird and doesn’t sound very safe. She kept saying "But what if you get scar tissue? What will that do?" And I kept saying "MOTHER. IT IS JUST A SHOT. A tiny little needle. I will NOT get scar tissue." So, you can rest assured that the instant the doctor inserted the needle the first thing he said was "WOW! You’ve got a lot of scar tissue here!" And then my mom, sitting in her office in another town, nodded her head and said "I TOLD HER SO!" And I rolled my eyes and muttered about how mom’s have eyes in the backs of their heads or something.

So, he inserted the needle and then he pushed the medication in and I gotta tell you the worst part of this shot is not the needle stick. That really doesn’t hurt at all. Its the SQUISHY sounds of the liquid GURGLING around in your head. It really is rather unpleasant feeling and sounding and it makes me either want to pass out or vomit but I can never decide which so I just don’t do either.

I’ve only had this shot done three times before, once a year on average, and they work so well. Yes, its a bit unpleasant, but totally worth it. Well, today, after the injection, the doctor stepped it up a bit. He started rolling my head around and pushing all over the injection spot to "spread the medication" and OH MAN that was bad.

After we left the office, Cleatus and I headed out towards his mom’s house to pick the kids up as they had spent the night. We stopped for breakfast on the way. I was dying of thirst and couldn’t wait for the waitress to deliver my ice tea. As soon as it arrived I dumped a couple packs of sugar in my cup and started stirring it up. And then I noticed something black in it and thought "hmm, what could that be?" and I scooped it up with my spoon. It was a fly. A dead fly. FROZEN in an ice cube. Chilling my tea.

The waitress brought me another glass and I did drink it, but needless to say, it wasn’t very appealing after the fly incident. A bit later we discovered a hair in Cleatus’s food and we vomited and vowed to never go back to that restaurant again.

So, thats my Monday so far. How’s yours?