Cleatus thinks that I am C-R-A-Z-Y for wanting to go organic. I have been sneakily buying organic food for quite awhile now if the price isn’t a big difference from the regular, pesticide-laden variety. He is really paying attention now, though, and constantly makes fun of me when he sees something organic in our kitchen. It is okay if you think that he is dumb. I think it too.
At the grocery today I bought some organic eggs. I was just finishing up putting together the deviled eggs when Cleatus walked in from work. He snatched one up and scarfed it down. I, of course, asked him if it tasted better than usual. I was hoping to prove a point to him that organic food is not only healthier but tastes better as well.
About the time I got my question out he began choking.
He coughed. And he coughed. He drank something and tried to speak. He cleared his throat. He coughed some more. He cleared his throat again. He looked at me accusingly, like why? Should it taste better? Does arsenic add flavor?
After about 10 minutes of his non-stop throat clearing and coughing and choking and sputtering in between our conversation I told him to KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF. He couldn’t. I was beginning to worry that his throat was going to swell shut and I’d have to admit that he was right and organic food isn’t all its cracked up to be.
After awhile Eeyore asked his dad what was wrong with him.
"Oh, your mom just poisoned me with this stuff called ORGANIC."
The White Castle story comes tomorrow. Don’t forget to leave your vote on this post!
9 Comments so far
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Death by egg. What a way to go. Poor Cleatus.
I like some organic stuff, but produce? Spray my fruits and vegetables with a little bug killer, please. I want them wormless.
By Suzi on 10.31.07 11:40 am | Permalink
You are right, he is dumb. My husband is dumb too for making fun of me when I buy organic. But it wouldn’t be so funny if our kid had come out with two heads now would it?
By akinvt on 10.31.07 2:26 pm | Permalink
mmhmm, Larry swears the organic whole wheat flour bread I buy makes him sick… whatever, I say it’s all in his head. Wonder bread is the devil.
By Pam on 10.31.07 3:37 pm | Permalink
I’m having the exact same discussions at my house! He says he didn’t remember marrying Holly Hobbie and wants to know when I got so crunchy granola.
By kelli in the mirror on 10.31.07 5:00 pm | Permalink
The moms in my playgroup are all very organic. They made their own baby food. They will not eat anything with enriched flour. They do not eat fast food. No chicken nuggest - ever. French fries? Are you kidding? They fry NOTHING. Frying is what happens when you go to hell.
I try to buy organic when I can. Often, it’s kind of pricey for our budget. And, I eat fast food. I love potato chips. My deep fryer is too close a friend to give up. I don’t know. I’m not sure how I got in that group. It’s probably just a matter of time before I’m kicked out. I was close the time I brought what said whole grain crackers on the box for a snack and was shown how it still said “enriched flour” on the ingredients and what the hell am I thinking poisoning the children?
To be honest, I envy those women. They are very dedicated to eating healthy. It’s probably not just a coincidence that I weigh more than any of them. They are better people than me, that’s for sure.
By Leslie on 10.31.07 8:04 pm | Permalink
Organic foods kick ass!
Yep, I’m a lurker that finally came up for some air - Pug Mom’s the name, and taking care of Pugs is the game. God, that sounded so cheesy. I’m a veggiehead, but I’ve yet to go full-out organic. It’s just a bit expensive sometimes, and sometimes who has the time to run down to the Farmer’s Market if the supermarket is right down the street? But hey - you do what you can. Hopefully our kids’ kids won’t have double heads - like everyone else eating pesticide infected stuff will in a few generations. 
By Pug Mom on 10.31.07 9:47 pm | Permalink
*lol* too funny. I want to go healthy(ier)too but its hard when the dh dosn’t. He gags at the sight of those bright orange yolks because of being used to the pale yellow ones and he thinks the whiter the bread, the cleaner and more pure it is!
By lorraina on 11.01.07 1:11 am | Permalink
I see my mental mind control to turn the whole universe to the Organic side is finally working… you’re on board. Only a few million more to go.
Organic rules!
By jasmine on 11.01.07 2:31 pm | Permalink
Haaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha! Does arsenic add flavor. You’re freaking hilarious! I’ve been buying some organics now and then. I think the bananas taste funky. I think I’m used to the subtle flavor of pesticides. Mmmmm mmmm good.
By JennyHaha on 11.02.07 5:19 pm | Permalink
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Be nice, yo. Nobody likes a hater.