UPDATED BELOW

It’s been nearly a week and here I am, posting two times in one day! Does that comma in the last sentence belong? Damn it. I am drunk, people. And the typing/ it is sucking.

i just had to say that Cleauts went to wal-mart to buy LUBE. And then while he was lookiing at it some HOOTCHIE MAMA hit on him. THE WHORE. I hope she has herpes.

He was very embaressed to buy lube. I used to steal lube. I used to wokr at a dr’s office you know. tHE lube came from thehre.

And yes, I know that the spelling sucks, but I can not help it.

did y’all knwo that I have all this family that read htis blug? That is WEIRD. But, here I am, drunk as a skunk and positing about LUBE.

My mom is burying her face in her hans and crying. Because her daughter talks about lube to family.

LOE YOU GYS. GALD I AM BACK!

Oh dear God. What the hell happened last night? I was a leeeetle bit too drunk, maybe? So, I really want to delete this, but I won’t because all the people who subscribe will still have it in their feed reader and then they’ll be all WHUH? WHERE’D IT GO? And I wouldn’t want to confuse the people. Also, it doesn’t feel right deleting posts. Because, you know, one day I may want to re-read the drunken lube post? I dunno.

Hi family!

"I not give you ouchie, Mummy. I not hurt my little Mummy girl."

"Feel bettuh, Mummy. You not sad anymoah."

"I not eat your shirt, Mummy. I not hungry."

"Psst. I love you."

(I missed you guys. I’ll be by your blogs soon!)

My Grandpa died last night. I’ll probably be pretty scarce in the bloggy world for the next week or so.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for him and us. I love you, Internets.

Three little Indians!

Or, you know, just two Indians and a favorite blue pillow.

Happy Thanksgiving, Internets.

Look. I understand. You gotta poop when you gotta poop. Everyone does it and not everyone can time it just right so that they are doing it in the comfort of their own home. Hell, I’ve pooped in public restrooms before. Not very often, but it has happened. (Strange but true fact: It has only ever happened when I was shopping with my mother. Obviously my mother loves to shop with me.)

As I was saying, I understand. I will not hold it against you if you have to go poo in a public restroom.

But for the love of all that is holy, would you FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET?

Also, what is up with using the FIRST stall in the restroom? Every damn bathroom I walk into has a big ol’ turd sitting in the toilet of the first stall. EVERY ONE OF THEM.

I was at the movie theater last night and before the movie I went in one of the two women’s restrooms and the first stall had a poopie in it. After the movie I went in the OTHER women’s bathroom. The first stall? A big ol’ pile of poo in that one as well.

Seriously, people. When you go number two in public you should ALWAYS pick a middle stall so that you are less noticeable.

Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt to FLUSH.