Cleatus and I got married seven and a half years ago. I was eighteen, he was nineteen, and Eeyore was three months old. We were married at the courthouse. At the time it was all that I wanted. I didn’t want to get married while I was pregnant, so we decided to wait until after Eeyore was born. We ended up getting married so quickly after because, to be honest, our car insurance payment was more than we could afford and our insurance agent told us that it would drop by over half if we got married. (It went fr om three hundred dollars a month with Geico to one hundred a month with State Farm after we were married. Dear Jesus, Geico does NOT save you money. No matter what that little green dude says. Amen.)
Yes, we are a romantic couple. We wed so that we could afford car insurance. We married at the courthouse. I wore a blue dress from JC Penny’s. Cleatus borrowed one of his brother’s dress shirts. I went to a cheap-y place to have my hair down and was so embarrassed about going there for MY WEDDING that I lied to the hair girl and told her that it was my parents’ anniversary and they were having a big party that night (Whuh?). My friend and I went out for lunch after my hair was done to kill time and she ate so fucking slow that I was nearly late for my own damn wedding. Outside of the courthouse was a group of kids that I had gone to high school with. They were there because one of their friends had given birth to a baby and put it in a dumpster. (Yes, I DO love having that associated with my wedding. Your court date for murder, my wedding. Feel the love in the air.) Cleatus and I walked inside and he was ahead of me. He turned around and smiled and winked at me just as I snapped his picture. He has NEVER looked more handsome than he did at that moment. And I was lucky enough to capture it on film. Its my absolute favorite picture of him. The justice of the peace dude told us what was going to happen and reminded us not to say "I do" before he was finished talking. I said I DO! before he was finished talking. After we were married we drove around in our freshly decorated car and listened to other cars honk at us. Then we went to a hotel and played Super Nintendo on the king size bed.
Tonight I was doing dishes and I broke the "groom" champagne glass from the set that my parents gave us. You can blame all this verbal wedding vomit on that.
Marie says:
DH & I set our wedding date 12/29 so we could file married on our taxes.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Tootsie says:
Aren’t you going to post the pic?
Wedding, schmedding. If I had it to do over, I certainly wouldn’t have done the big ole wedding. It’s not fun for the bride or groom.
Elopement and backyard barbeque is the way to go. Save the money for where it’s best spent – getting your friend and family liquored up.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:26 am
kara says:
We want to see the picture!
December 11th, 2007 at 11:08 am
sam says:
I always love your verbal diarrhea, and your brutal honesty.
Sorry about the broken glass.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:12 am
witchypoo says:
Might as well fling the bride one outside too.
And a jar. Break things in threes, but only if you’re OCD.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:34 am
jackie says:
Oh no! Sorry about the glass
We do want to see the picture though!
December 11th, 2007 at 11:37 am
MommyCosm says:
OK, our bride and groom champagne glasses are way, way, way in the back of a cabinet in some unknown location in my house. Guaranteed that they each have about an inch of dust to insulate them in case one decides to take a dive.
I’m impressed that you had them out to wash. I agree with witchypoo…you need to smash the bride as well…can’t leave one without the other…bad karma.
Oh, and do show the picture;)
December 11th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Zephra says:
I want to see his picture. My court house wedding involved the judge yelling to the prisoners awaiting trial to shut up during the ceremony. Honeymoon was our living room with no furniture. Who says romance is dead.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
janet says:
my courtroom wedding was a little more personal since we were married by a judge who knew me when i was married to “the evil one.”
it was actually behind closed doors and included a really nice little speech from the jduge!
and yeah, i’m with the “bride-glass smashers” group. dooooooo it.
December 11th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Jennifer says:
This wasn’t vomit! It was a terrific story! Not about the baby in the dumpster, mind you, but all the rest of it!
December 11th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Redneck Mommy says:
The night that we got married I was five months pregnant, my feet were swollen and I puked as soon as we got into the hotel room. (Thankfully I made it to the toilet in time.)
We spent the night watching repeat episodes of Party of Five. How romantic.
Now, show us a pic, pretty please…
December 11th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
An Iowa Mom says:
Hey, we have even more in common. I got married at 17. I got married in a courthouse. In a JC Penney dress. Clearance even.
Just not to THIS husband. It was the husband before. And it was in Memphis. And no baby was found in our dumpster. But our apartment back door was police taped off due to a shooting that evening.
Does that count?
Okay … if you want to talk THIS husband … we found out there was Jake in July. He didn’t want to get married because it would screw up his taxes. So we waited until January and I was 8 months pregnant. Lovely.
And … I want to see your pictures.
But, I’ll never show mine.
December 11th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
Technically and legally, Hubby and I didn’t get married until this summer. At the courthouse. And though there was no dumpster baby, we did have a lot of people filing restraining orders.
December 11th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
nan says:
Hmm. I had a 3-month miscarriage before we got married. But we got married in my parents’ backyard, and partied the night away. All of our friends came and brought alcohol, once the old people had been fed and sent home. The DJ was great! It was a rush wedding, because my husband was to leave for the UK “in three weeks”. So everything had to be arranged real quick. Anyone offered to help, I said “yes please!” and we ended up with curry goat and roti on the menu as a result! We are married over ten years now.
And then recently I went to a wedding that was “perfect”. Expensive, beautiful, religious and romantic. Lovely service, designer dress, fancy little hors d’oevres, champagne. The marriage broke up in less than a year. I am beginning to feel that the wedding does NOT make the marriage!
December 11th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
Pam says:
Very weird and very funny story! You forgot one thing though….the romantic and steamy picture of Cleatus!! Sorry you broke the glass though. But hey, maybe in another life you were jewish so it’s really good luck!
December 12th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Dory says:
The Rockstar broke our “Groom” champagne glass a few months ago and I bawled.
Dory
December 12th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
Leslie says:
Dave and I were married at the courthouse and I was five months pregnant. We went to Niagra Falls for our honeymoon and both got the flu. We spent the entire trip throwing up. Ah, wedded bliss!
Karly, I just love you. This post certainly wasn’t vomit, it was fabulous.
December 13th, 2007 at 12:07 am
Dawn says:
I have this theory that the larger the wedding, the less the two people actually like each other.
That said, We got engaged on a Sunday, picked a date on a Monday, were registering for presents online on that Thursday, and collectively shat our pants when it popped up “79 days till your wedding!” wtf?
Oh, and as far as romance goes? I hadn’t bathed in a couple of days when he proposed (longer story) – so I knew that better/worse thing was for true.
December 15th, 2007 at 8:54 pm