After reading to Eeyore the story of King Arthur and Excalibur, I asked him some questions to see how much of it he “got.”"How did Arthur become a King?”"He was able to draw on the rock that no one else could.”"What? Draw on it?”"Yeah, he drew a picture of a sword on the rock and nobody else was able to.”Maybe when I said that lots of people tried to draw the sword from the rock and only Arthur was able to do so, I should have explained that “draw” does not mean “with a crayon” in some instances.

Baggy pants. Love ‘em, hate ‘em, whatever. But OUTLAW them?

TWELVE STATES have taken action against baggy/saggy pants. You can get fined or JAIL TIME if you wear baggy pants.  Why? Because it is offensive. Because you could be hiding a weapon in your baggy pants. Because it is disrespectful.

Does this offend me? No. I’m not looking at anyones ass! I’m looking at their boxers. A freakin’ piece of clothing. NOT OFFENSIVE. Do I think you have a gun hidden under there? Uh, no. Am I feeling like you do not respect me? Huh uh.

Seriously, y’all. Whats next? No low cut shirts? I don’t find cleavage offensive, but you can bet some people do. Is that going to soon be outlawed? How about WINTER COATS? They are big and bulky and OHMIGOD some of them even have POCKETS on the INSIDE! Do you know what you could HIDE in a winter coat? Guess the government better outlaw WINTER so that we don’t need to wear fucking coats.

Seriously, this is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard. The government DOES NOT have the right to tell us what to wear! Where will it end? I am TOTALLY offended by President Bush wearing crocs with socks BUT I DON’T WANT IT OUTLAWED! (Maybe I do, but thats not the point.)

Does anyone else think this is ridiculous? Or are baggy pants so offensive to you that you think they should be outlawed?

Is this MY blog? Am I the one responsible for updating it? Oh! Silly me. It slipped my mind. I’ve been so busy! Doing THINGS! All kinds of different THINGS!

Things like baking brownies and painting them:

Yum.

Things like signing Cindy-Lu up for tumbling:

The leotard. You should see her squishy little butt in this thing.

Things like CLEANING this room (don’t tell my husband I posted this picture on the internet. I promise it is not DIRTY, it is just messy because SOMEONE, and I won’t say who cough*Cindy-Lu*cough, takes every god damn toy she owns out of its special place before bed EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.):

Fuckin’ Santa Clause.

I’ve been doing other things, too! I just don’t normally carry my camera with me to the grocery store, the pre-school, the Spanish class, the dining room table for school, and all that other boring shit I seem to do every day that sucks my writing juices dry.

There was ONE thing that I really should have gotten a picture of but was to lazy to go get my camera. Last weekend Bring It On (cheerleading movies) was playing all weekend and I MIGHT have watched just a leetle bit of it or, you know, all three of them but probably not! I mean, CERTAINLY NOT! I am an adult and I do not watch those silly shows. Ahem.

Cindy-Lu apparently loves that movie. She calls it “my game.” As in “Can I play my game now?” Why is it a game? Because when the bitches start cheering she GETS UP ON THE COFFEE TABLE and dances along with them. She is THREE and she is already dancing on tables. I have tried to get her to dance on the floor (because thats where we keep the stripper pole!) but she is just not having it. Such a little slut.

Another thing I have been doing but did not document with film (of the digital variety, anyway) is SEARCH and SEARCH and SEARCH SOME MORE for a good vacation spot for my family. We were planning on doing Disney (Orlando) with Cleatus’s cousin and her family, but they aren’t going to be able to make it SO we are now only 90% sure that is where we are going. That other 10% of us thinks we should go somewhere else BUT WE DON’T KNOW WHERE. Your mission today is to tell me, either in the comments or via email (karlyATwipingupsnot.com), where your most favorite vacation spot is. It can be a big tourist place or a little hideaway that I would never find on my own. Keep in mind that we are hoping to go in May, so we would prefer somewhere south. Also there will be an 8 year old and a 3 year old attending…unless you are willing to babysit while Cleatus and I go on our own.

You see how I do that? I butter you up with cute pictures of my children and then I boss you around. Now HOP TO IT. May is just around the corner, you know!

For the last six months or so I have been trying to ditch the toxic cleaning products in my house. I have been using mostly Method products because they are easily available at Target (and because when I say I’m going to Target and Cleatus asks why I have to travel all the way to Target when Wal-Mart is right next door I can say WAL-MART DOESN’T SELL METHOD SO I’M GOING TO TARGET! NOW GIVE ME ALL YOUR CREDIT CARDS! I NEED THEM ALL! TARGET HERE I COME! YEEHAW!)

(I love Target.)

The only problem with the Method products is that they, um, aren’t as strong as I’d like. Maybe this is because they are non-toxic and do not contain nuclear weapons of mass bacterial destruction like the bleach does, I dunno. So, I shopped around and found some cleaners online and ordered those. They were okay. Not great, but okay. But, they were fairly expensive (and by fairly expensive, I mean I will not buy them again because at 10 dollars for a small bottle I really expect it to come with a maid, thankyouverymuch). I’ve since decided DUH! Vinegar and water! Perfect cleaning solution!

Unfortunately for Cleatus he hates the smell of vinegar. I happen to love it. A little aside: I love salt and vinegar potato chips and once, back when I worked, I was heading out of town to a conference with some co-workers and I opened a bag of the chips in the car. One of the girls got a whiff of the vinegar chips and shouted WHO’S DOUCHING BACK THERE? Erm, not me!

So, I love cleaning with vinegar. It smells all fresh and clean to me. And it seems to do a good job.

I even use it to clean the oak table that my grandma gave me awhile back. I use vinegar on it. To clean it.

And, apparently, also to sand it. Or remove the varnish. Or something bad.

My gorgeous table is now all dull and splotchy and, um, kinda ugly.

I should just go back to the toxic chemicals, shouldn’t I?

Cindy-Lu received a Baby Alive Wets N Wiggles doll for Christmas. With the doll came wipes and diapers. She discovered the wipes in her basket of baby stuff this morning and the following speech took place:

“Cindy-Lu has baby and baby has ‘gina. Cindy-Lu has ‘gina too! And mommy too! Mommy has hair on her ‘gina and Daddy has a peeenis and Bubba does too. Bubba and Landon (her cousin) have LIIIIIIIITLE peeeenis. Cindy-Lu meed BIIIIIIG peeenis. I have to. I meed it. I don’t want ‘gina and baby has ‘gina and I meed change her dipey cuz she got acky on her ‘gina and baby not have peeenis.”

How the hell do I respond to THAT?