I’m going to start this with the dreaded phrase “So, last night I had this dream…” and before y’all go closing the window I just want to clarify that while this is about a dream, its really NOT about a dream. Got it? Now remove your cursor from the red X at the top of your screen before I cut you.
So, last night I had this dream. I dreamt that Cleatus had gone to the doctor for some routine bloodwork and SURPRISE! The doctor told him that his blood work indicated that I was pregnant. With twins! A boy and a girl! (Do not ask how Cleatus’s blood work showed that I was pregnant. We go to very fancy doctors ’round these parts. Mmkay?) Cleatus came back from his doctor’s appointment with my ultrasound pictures and told me the news. (I told you our doctor is bad ass. I wasn’t even in attendance and I got ULTRASOUND PICTURES!) I was so happy. I’m actually very nearly crying right now remembering HOW HAPPY I was. It was just that perfect everything is exactly the way it should be 100% content kind of happiness. I spent the remainder of the night showing my friends and family the ultrasound pictures (which, by the time I had shown quite a few people and told them the news, the ultrasound pics had turned into a sliced onion (?) and they were starting to fall apart and that was kind of sad.) and saying “Twins. A boy and a girl.” and just being happy about being pregnant.
Some of you may remember that Cleatus got a vasectomy a while back. And that right after his vasectomy I hoped thought that I might be pregnant. I’m right back to that place again. That place where I think that MAYBE I could be pregnant. I mean, it HAS happened before, right? Vasectomies don’t always work. Stranger things and all that.
Cindy-Lu came about after trying just two times. In one month. Hell, in one week. I had been BEGGING Cleatus to have another baby for 2 years when he finally agreed. It was March. He said lets do this. We did it. And then I freaked out and changed my mind. I was so worried about day care. I worked and we couldn’t afford for me to quit, but we also wouldn’t be able to afford daycare for two children and the current situation of Eeyore staying with his great-grandparents wouldn’t work out if there was a newborn in the mix. So, after two years, I said nah, lets wait.
Cleatus and I had always used the “pull out” method of birth control. (TMI?) But, we had sex one last time after I had changed my mind without pulling out. And I got pregnant. I’ve always believed that I didn’t get pregnant before that (four years of pulling out! Pulling out is not one of the most effective birth control methods!) because we weren’t BOTH ready. And then he said he was ready. And BAM. I got pregnant. It was like all that time he had just been bossing around his sperm and telling them to stay away from my eggs. Either that or God had a plan. You choose. (I choose option A, because the image of Cleauts lecturing his penis is very humorous to me.)
All I’m trying to say here, I guess, is that these babies from my dream, they could be real, couldn’t they? I mean, I got pregnant so quickly with Cindy-Lu and I WANT this so bad. I have held on to this dream, these babies, all day long and I just can’t let it go.
I told Cleatus about the dream and asked if he would be happy. No. He wouldn’t be. Of course he wouldn’t be. That’s why he got the vasectomy. And I agreed to him getting the vasectomy. I understand why he doesn’t want more children (No, I don’t. Why wouldn’t he want more children?). I DON’T actively go around wishing for babies. He wanted one. I wanted three. We have two.
I just…I wasn’t done. I really wasn’t done yet.
Fucking compromise. Its so dumb.
baseballmom says:
You must not be totally done in your mind, because I’m all, “If I got pregnant, I’d sue the Dr. because my tubal ligation FAILED!” And I sit there and watch moms with toddlers at baseball games, and think, “Thank GOD that’s not me! I”m so done with babies…” I like them and all, as long as they’re someone else’s (like my yummy niece Carli) and I can give them back, and don’t have to carry around diaper bags, formula, bottles, baby food, strollers, etc. etc. etc.! Really, though, it’s kinda weird, ’cause Julia (Hippogriffs) just had twins~a boy and a girl!
baseballmom’s last blog post..Happy, happy!
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:46 am
nan says:
Maybe someone close to you is going to have them? That way, you can enjoy them regularly and not have to figure in the expenses? Wanting another baby is so strange. Sometimes I LONG for another, (maybe a girl?) but I think that, realistically, we are done. Little Max, incidentally, was a “pull-out” baby. There was this great wedding, see, and champagne, and my friend had the other boys for the night…
nan’s last blog post..nature as an endless source of entertainment
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 am
nan says:
Oh, and! Happy new year!
nan’s last blog post..nature as an endless source of entertainment
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:21 am
Liz says:
that’s a tough one. Spouse and I agreed on 2, maybe 3 before we got married. Then we had DQ and when I was ready for a second he said NO..I only want 1..UMM excuse me? of course he refused to go get fixed and I refused to take any responsability for birth control hence the Terrorist.. but he’s happy with our 2 and I’m willing to let the 3rd one go. But I know the feeling and it sucks and hopefully you’ll get to live vicariously through others.
Liz’s last blog post..Christmas Review
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:07 am
angel says:
Wow, your dreams sound just like mine! Things becoming completely different things throughout the dream and wacky nonsensical stuff… awesome. Finally someone who might “get” me. LOL!
angel’s last blog post..The First Day of the New Year
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
angel says:
Oh, and… I hear you about the babies… it’s so confusing isn’t it. I want another one because I want to experience pregnancy and birth again.. but my head KNOWS that I would go NUTS dealing with yet ANOTHER toddler. So I can’t decide.
angel’s last blog post..The First Day of the New Year
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Shannon says:
I think most mommies feel that way. Many do, anyway. Even though I have no desire to be pregnant again, I still get a little mushy when I hold or see or dream about a little newborn. Even though I hated 90% of being pregnant I still get sentimental when I see pregnant women and secretly kinda wish it was me. I’ll never not feel that way. Even when I’m past child-bearing age. Even though my husband has had a vasectomy and I completely agreed with that decision.
You’re normal. Don’t worry.
Shannon’s last blog post..official new year’s post
January 2nd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Pinks & Blues Girls says:
Two people - one a family member and one a family friend - had dreams that Audrey was pregnant before she even announced this latest pregnancy. Soooo… you never know!!
We have never had kids, and aren’t planning on having any biologically (we want to adopt). And yet, whenever my husband brings up having a vasectomy, I can’t bring myself to say that’s a good idea. I just don’t know if I’ll change my mind about having biological kids someday!
So fun being a woman, huh!?
Jane, Pinks & Blues
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Jennifer says:
Comprising is STUPID. I hate it.
Maybe your dream was a premonition. But TWINS? ARe you out of your ever-loving mind?
Jennifer’s last blog post..How I’m Using Materialism to Self-Medicate
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Mmizz Llizz says:
COMPROMISE ON “THE WOMEN’S PART” IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUDICROUS!!!
Mmizz Llizz’s last blog post..Oh the joys…
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Pam says:
Well, you know how I vacillate between being “done” and feeling, un-done. But, at 43, I’m pretty sure I have to be done. But, if someone dropped a baby on my doorstep? I wouldn’t be disappointed.
Although the odds are not in your favor it “could” happen and you know Cleatus would come around to the idea and love on those sweet babies.
I laughed til my sides hurt at the mental pictures I have of Cleatus looking down at his penis (and in my mental image, let me just say, you are one lucky woman) and giving his sperm a stern talking to…. so so funny!!!!!!!
Pam’s last blog post..Strawberry Fields Forever, Even When It’s Cold
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Scout's honor says:
Gilr, be careful what you wish for. I wasn’t done, but my husband was. We also were super fertile. Pregnant two days after he came back from deployment in Egypt. Pregnant in college on the pill, condoms, and watching my cycle timing. Hmmmm.
So he had a vasectomy and along came my youngest two years later. I now have SEVEN friends who had kids after vasectomy.
My husband had vasectomy again, and I still don’t trust it. I was very happy to have a third and he got used to it and couldn’t love him any more, but it could have been super bad.
So a comment of caution and hope all in one.
Scout’s honor’s last blog post..All Joking Aside
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:57 pm
janet says:
after many years of baby lust (my kids are spread out over 13 years, and i had my last one at 41 — yes i’m crazy), i can comfortably know that i am done and am waiting for grandchildren some day.
but… my second husband and i had five kids between us and we knew that another child was not happening. then i had an oops that i miscarried, and after that?
i yearned for another baby. desired one. craved one. couldn’t live without one.
the result of that is my roo-girl, my little princess. i thank God for her every day.
bottom line? i get it. you aren’t done till you’re done.
janet’s last blog post..Snow bunnies
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
Even though we said we wanted two, I refused to let them tie my tubes after my c-section. Just in case. So I understand what you’re saying.
But not twins! You’ll go crazy (although I bet your blogs would be even more hysterical).
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - With The Girls
January 4th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Swistle says:
That IS about what it feels like to find out it’s boy-girl twins! Except, I didn’t get an onion.
I’m sorry about the being-done-when-you’re-not-done situation. I know what that feels like, strange as that may sound coming from a mother of five.
Swistle’s last blog post..Things That Make Me Feel Old
January 4th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Karly says:
Swistle,
I’ll bet that your experience was even BETTER because you didn’t get the onion. Although, if you are in need of an onion, there is a furniture store in my town that always gives you a free onion when you buy furniture from them. I do not know why.
January 4th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Karly says:
Jerseygirl,
I know…I’m retarded for wanting twins, but its something I’ve always wanted. I think I’d probably kill myself in the first few months, but if I happened to make it through alive I bet twins would be so fun once they got a bit older!
January 4th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Leslie says:
I’ll admit, when I got pregnant this time, I wouldn’t have been at all disappointed if it had been twins. Call me crazy.
And I may have even been caught saying to my husband, “Well, if we give it three years after Lucy and then try for one more, I’ll be 35 then and that means there’s more of a chance for twins. So, you wanna do that?”
My heart aches for you, Karly. It’s gotta be hard. But, you and Cleatus are both really young and you never know how time can change things. A vasectomy is reversible, isn’t it?
Leslie’s last blog post..It’s What I’m Into
January 6th, 2008 at 8:48 pm