Hi! Is it Friday night already? I wouldn’t know, because its not like I do anything exciting on Friday’s. No. I just stay at home and take a nap with my daughter (who happened to sleep from 5pm to 8pm…GUESS WHO’S STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!) and then play fifteen games of Trouble with my son and then clean the room that Santa vomited all over.

I started cleaning while Cindy-Lu was sleeping and I decided to just DO IT RIGHT and TOSS THAT SHIT OUT. I filled up a garbage bag with toys that have LOTS OF PIECES AND PARTS or that she doesn’t ever play with. Before I got a chance to dispose of the evidence, though, Cindy-Lu woke up (she had been sleeping in my room) and came to join me. As I picked the bag up to take it away the damn thing started flashing and singing. BUSTED! She was a little pissed, but was distracted by me jumping up and down and pointing at all the COOL TOYS that were put where they were supposed to be, HOW AWESOME!

Alright, moving on, please pretend that this post all flows together nicely.

We were at tumbling (for the last time, OH MY GOD.) this week and Cindy-Lu decided that she is D-O-N-E. She just straight up refused to participate. She had done this last week as well, but I was hoping that it was a one time deal and so I crossed my fingers and took her again. Yeah. I am stupid.

After refusing to do a forward roll and then refusing to get out of the way so the other kids could do a forward roll, I scooped her up and took her back to my seat. I whispered to her and asked why she didn’t want to do tumbling. She replied, in her normal voice, “Be-an-cause (her version of because) I just don’t like the teacher!” Oh. Erm, not to worry! I’m sure the teacher didn’t hear that. After all, she was a good ten feet away, right?

Changing topics. Keep up, people!

I recorded the kids playing a new game we ordered from Amazon the other day. I’ll post the video in a couple days when I am not lazy, but while I was loading the clips on to the computer I realized that I had clips on there from June 2007. I had deleted some things off already, but the videos I haven’t burnt yet I kept on the camcorder. ANYWAY! I came across an “interview” I did with Cleatus the same night I got him trashed and made him dance for you. It is hilarious. I will have to edit it and post it for you guys.

Alright, I think I’m all rambled out. Have a great weekend. Oh, and if you just can’t get enough of me, you can go here and read some more!

Last night I was sitting on the couch reading blogs when my son came running in to the living room.

“Mom! Cindy-Lu’s got a big booger on her face!”

Lovely. As the mother it is my job to wipe the boogers and snot from the faces of my beautiful little children so I dutifully headed to the bathroom to grab some toilet paper. Cindy-Lu was sitting on my bed watching cartoons when I walked in and asked her if she had a booger.

“No. I just have some yogurt.”

Hmm. Yogurt. Whatever. Kids are known for mispronouncing things or calling them by the wrong name. No biggie!

I walked closer and inspected her face. No boogers. BUT! She was chewing on something.

“What are you eating, Cindy-Lu?”

“Yogurt!”

“Is that your booger? ARE YOU EATING YOUR BOOGER?” I felt a little faint at that point. Poop doesn’t gross me out. Pee doesn’t gross me out. Snot? Grosses me the fuck out. Especially snot with CHUNKS, aka boogers.

“Yes. I just meed eat my yogurt.”

“Open your mouth. Let me see what you’re eating.” Why? Why do I torture myself in this way?

She opened her mouth wide and I looked around. There it was. Stuck to the front of her bottom teeth. The biggest, chunkiest, greenest booger you could imagine. STUCK IN HER TEETH LIKE A PIECE OF LEFT OVER SPINACH.

“Retch. Gag. Puke.” No, really. I gagged out loud. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting all over my precious booger eater child. It was at this point in the story that I did something I am slightly ashamed of. I left the room and hid from her. I couldn’t dig the booger out of her mouth because I would vomit. I couldn’t watch her chewing it or I would vomit. The only sensible course of action was to hide from her until she had swallowed the booger.

A few minutes later I hesitantly walked back in to the bedroom. “Cindy-Lu? Is your booger all gone?”

“Yes! I just eat it!”

“Oh. Um, okay. Was it yummy?” Yes, I am going to hell, I know.

She nodded her sweet little head at me. And then she pointed at her Daddy’s pillow and said “I just put my yogurt on the pillow.”

I approached the pillow and lo, there was the booger. A big, green, chewed up booger on her Daddy’s pillow.

This morning I told Cindy-Lu to tell her Daddy what she ate last night.

“My booger,” she said. Apparently the lecture I gave her about putting boogers in the garbage and not in our mouths taught her one lesson. That boogers are called boogers and not yogurt.

“Thats right, Cindy-Lu. You ate a booger! But, we don’t eat boogers anymore because they are yucky and they’ll make you sick!”

“No! My booger not yucky! It was NUMMY!”

Lord help me.

Lately Cindy-Lu has been extra…toddler-ish. And by toddler-ish I totally mean ANNOYING. She does something naughty and laughs. You tell her no and she does it anyway. She throws herself down to the floor in a tantrum and five seconds later she pops up and giggles at you while asking for candy. She, um, she’s not very fun to be around lately.

Tonight Cleatus was trying to piss and I hear him yelling “Why do you have to be so annoying?” to her. I giggled, because dude she totally is annoying. But, she makes annoying cute so you can’t get TOO mad at her.

When he came out I said “Welcome to my world,” and he replied “You don’t have to stop her from walking through your stream of urine.” Every time he pees she tries to touch the “water.” He stands there with one hand on his weiner and the other on her head holding her back. Tonight she got smart. “Oh, I know!” she said after he pushed her back. She walked to the other side and tried to get to the pee that way. “No you don’t know!” he said back and pushed her away again. “Oh, I know!” she said again and went behind him and tried to walk between his legs.

I no longer wish I could pee standing up.

However, it still isn’t fun to be me. She insists that I spread my legs when I pee so that she can “see the water!” Its a little weird, but if I don’t comply I have to listen to her bitch. So, yeah. I let her watch. Like you wouldn’t do the same damn thing!

She’s now peeing in the potty quite a bit, but she’s only pooped a couple times. Does this mean I have to show her how the poop comes out? Because, if thats the case, I quit. Someone else can be her mommy. Any takers?

This picture is here to convince you that she is so cute you wouldn’t mind letting her watch you poo.

First, before I tell you my deep cleaning the kitchen story, I have to tell you what my daughter is doing right this second. She has her blue pillow sitting up on one of her chairs and covered up with her green blankie. She is sitting in another chair directly across from her pillow reading him a book. Because her blue pillow is sick. Is that not the sweetest damn thing you’ve ever heard?

Now that you’ve died from the cuteness, lets delve into the disgusting, shall we?

I was just doing some basic cleaning this morning when I decided I had better clean out my fridge. After all, I bought the fridge about two years ago and promised myself that it would never be anything other than SHINY and LICKABLE because I loved it so much. And lately it has been anything BUT shiny and lickable. I took all the food out and then moved on to removing the shelves and scrubbing them down. By the time that was done I was so ready to quit, but I still had the door left to do. As I was wiping the top of the door I noticed the little wrinkly things that (I assume) seal the door shut when you close it. Need a picture? (Thats not my fridge, just some random internet image. Those are also not my man hands. I don’t have one of those fancy egg things you see in that picture, either.)  I noticed that there was STUFF in the ridges of the seal thing. So I grabbed a butter knife and started scraping it out. OH MY GOD, Y’ALL. If you have never done this, you might want to try it. Or not. I’m not sure if it was fun to get all that shit out of my fridge or if it was horrifying. Either way, the shit was flying out and coating my kitchen in GUNK. It was crazy! Must clean fridge more often!

It reminded me of the time that I was cleaning my kitchen and I got all inspired to DO IT RIGHT. I called Cleatus in to the kitchen and asked him to move the oven for me so that I could clean underneath it. He looked at me like I was crazy. He had, after all, been married to me for five or six years and knew that I was not the deep cleaning type. I just looked at him all smug like and said “How hard can it be?” I mean really. It was the floor under the oven. What could be under there?

Being the big strong manly man that he is, he moved the oven for me. And I promptly fainted. When I woke up the first thing I said was PUT IT BACK, PUT IT BACK RIGHT THIS MINUTE! Which, of course, he did. Because he loves me.

If you ever wonder what the floor under your oven looks like, I’d advise you to keep a little mystery in your life. You don’t need to know. You truly don’t.

My seven year old son. He sucks. Why does he suck? Because, all of a sudden, he is a BIG FAT LIAR FACE. I do not like liar faces.

Eeyore has always been an amazingly good boy. I mean like seriously GOOD. He is always so careful not to hurt people’s feelings, he is always considerate and kind, he very rarely gets all wound up to the point of me having to yell at him. He’s just a generally good kid.

So, lately I have been at a bit of a loss. I’m not sure how to handle him. I’m hesitant to share what he has been lying about because I don’t ever want him to be upset about something I’ve written about him. (I’m banking on him knowing that when I said he sucked earlier I meant it in the very best way possible.) It is nothing terribly bad, just something that is irritating and that he really shouldn’t be doing but keeps doing anyway. I’m no longer allowing him to be in the position that usually causes him to do what he was doing. (Yes, I know its fun to read blogs when the blogger is telling a story ONLY NOT REALLY TELLING IT because she is a big asshole.)

Moving on! My problem is that he LIES about doing the bad thing. I have proof that he did it. I will point the proof out to him and ask him again and he STILL lies and says he did not. Its just so unlike him. I’m not sure how to nip this lying thing in the bud.

I can not stand to be lied to. In fact, the last time he did it (about 30 minutes ago, the little fucker) I walked into the bathroom to cool down and looked in the mirror and my face and chest were bright red. I was PISSED, yo.

So, yeah. To sum it all up: Lying = bad. Blogging about something and being entirely too vague = annoying. My son = cute, but sucky. Me = old woman with blood pressure issues.

This mothering thing is tough.

Do I look like I’m lying?