Last night I was sitting on the couch reading blogs when my son came running in to the living room.
“Mom! Cindy-Lu’s got a big booger on her face!”
Lovely. As the mother it is my job to wipe the boogers and snot from the faces of my beautiful little children so I dutifully headed to the bathroom to grab some toilet paper. Cindy-Lu was sitting on my bed watching cartoons when I walked in and asked her if she had a booger.
“No. I just have some yogurt.”
Hmm. Yogurt. Whatever. Kids are known for mispronouncing things or calling them by the wrong name. No biggie!
I walked closer and inspected her face. No boogers. BUT! She was chewing on something.
“What are you eating, Cindy-Lu?”
“Yogurt!”
“Is that your booger? ARE YOU EATING YOUR BOOGER?” I felt a little faint at that point. Poop doesn’t gross me out. Pee doesn’t gross me out. Snot? Grosses me the fuck out. Especially snot with CHUNKS, aka boogers.
“Yes. I just meed eat my yogurt.”
“Open your mouth. Let me see what you’re eating.” Why? Why do I torture myself in this way?
She opened her mouth wide and I looked around. There it was. Stuck to the front of her bottom teeth. The biggest, chunkiest, greenest booger you could imagine. STUCK IN HER TEETH LIKE A PIECE OF LEFT OVER SPINACH.
“Retch. Gag. Puke.” No, really. I gagged out loud. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting all over my precious booger eater child. It was at this point in the story that I did something I am slightly ashamed of. I left the room and hid from her. I couldn’t dig the booger out of her mouth because I would vomit. I couldn’t watch her chewing it or I would vomit. The only sensible course of action was to hide from her until she had swallowed the booger.
A few minutes later I hesitantly walked back in to the bedroom. “Cindy-Lu? Is your booger all gone?”
“Yes! I just eat it!”
“Oh. Um, okay. Was it yummy?” Yes, I am going to hell, I know.
She nodded her sweet little head at me. And then she pointed at her Daddy’s pillow and said “I just put my yogurt on the pillow.”
I approached the pillow and lo, there was the booger. A big, green, chewed up booger on her Daddy’s pillow.
This morning I told Cindy-Lu to tell her Daddy what she ate last night.
“My booger,” she said. Apparently the lecture I gave her about putting boogers in the garbage and not in our mouths taught her one lesson. That boogers are called boogers and not yogurt.
“Thats right, Cindy-Lu. You ate a booger! But, we don’t eat boogers anymore because they are yucky and they’ll make you sick!”
“No! My booger not yucky! It was NUMMY!”
Lord help me.
22 Comments so far
Say It!
I don’t know what to say.
Who knew boogers could be nummy?
Make sure to print this post out so you can give it to her prom date?
Do boogers really taste like yogurt?
I’m at a loss.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Looking For A Web Host?
By Jerseygirl89 on 02.27.08 2:37 pm | Permalink
oh. my. gawd.
i’m retching at my desk. people are looking at me weird.
because it’s funny to watch someone laugh and retch at the same time.
janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday #55: the I’m ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille edition
By janet on 02.27.08 3:09 pm | Permalink
quality
feener’s last blog post..Direct Sales
By feener on 02.27.08 3:31 pm | Permalink
well, THAT’S something I didn’t want to read while I was eating a girl scout cookie!
Cindy-Lu almost ruined girl scout cookies for me… but, no, I am STRONGER than that.
Dude, that was gross!
By shuey6 on 02.27.08 3:54 pm | Permalink
I feel your pain. Julia is a booger eater, too.
Kids. They’re gross.
Leslie’s last blog post..Fridgie, The Sacrificial Fish: A Story Of Love And Death
By Leslie on 02.27.08 7:03 pm | Permalink
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I just had my lunch… gunna go vomit now. EEEEEEKKKKKK.
Chris H’s last blog post..I CAN’T WAIT TILL MIDDAY….
By Chris H on 02.27.08 7:27 pm | Permalink
Well gosh, thanks Cindy-Lu…so much for that Shamrock shake I was about to have. Just sorta kills it for me.
*lol*
Auds over at Spotted Dick’s last blog post..For Real?!?!
By Auds over at Spotted Dick on 02.27.08 7:30 pm | Permalink
Oh, my gosh, that’s HYSTERICAL! I keep trying to break the Munchkin of that habit, but it’s a little hard when her grandmother tells her it’s OK (BTW, NOT my mom).
L the D’s last blog post..*Sigh*
By L the D on 02.27.08 8:00 pm | Permalink
I’m eating - of all things - pita bread and toum (garlic paste that’s creamy white with big green chunks). Yummy. Booger stories don’t gross me out, but this is a pretty good one.
Angie’s last blog post..It’s About Time
By Angie on 02.27.08 8:56 pm | Permalink
And once again, your children defy everything written by every expert in every parenting book. Too funny!
By Suzi on 02.27.08 9:25 pm | Permalink
Jerseygirl,
Definitely printing this out for prom. Excellent idea!
By Karly on 02.27.08 9:35 pm | Permalink
Leslie,
Totally. I think I have mumbled to myself “Kids are gross.” at least once a day since becoming a mom.
By Karly on 02.27.08 9:36 pm | Permalink
L the D,
What the HELL? Grandma tells your kid its okay to eat boogers? That is just wrong. So very wrong. Does Grandma eat her boogers?
By Karly on 02.27.08 9:37 pm | Permalink
Angie,
Pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to read this story and continue eating your lunch. You have a stomach of steel.
By Karly on 02.27.08 9:38 pm | Permalink
Nummy…so funny…well, in a really gross kind of way.
Mommycosm’s last blog post..Tell Me Thursday: Not Quite Softball Weather
By Mommycosm on 02.28.08 9:51 am | Permalink
I can’t have kids. Seriously. It makes me sad, but I’m not prepared to vomit sooooo muuuuch. Thank you for saving me from a big mistake, Karlypants!
By Alison of a Gun on 02.28.08 8:45 pm | Permalink
Just discovered your blog - hysterical!
Really enjoyed reading
Natalie’s last blog post..IT’S LEAP YEAR…
By Natalie on 02.29.08 8:33 am | Permalink
Well i sympathise with you, i would have gagged to!! i dont do the snot thing!!
poor little Cindy-Lu
charne’s last blog post..Thinking of Michelle
By charne on 02.29.08 8:56 am | Permalink
I almost couldn’t finish reading your post. I think I threw up in my mouth a bit…twice.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Take This Job And Shove It
By Mrs. Schmitty on 02.29.08 7:17 pm | Permalink
my daughter’s caregiver endearingly calls them “nature’s snack”
By meanie on 02.29.08 8:12 pm | Permalink
OMG.. I’m with you on that one.. Poop, Puke, nothing.. Boogers=Puke! Now you know.. if she’s eating Yogurt, turn and run! LOL..
Monica’s last blog post..I WON I WON!!!
By Monica on 03.02.08 12:39 am | Permalink
[...] yes, I do feel the need to share these disgusting booger stories with you. After all, this IS Wiping Up Snot you are [...]
By Yeah, It’s Another Booger Story | Wiping Up Snot on 05.24.08 9:11 am | Permalink
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