Lately my children have been my children ONLY BETTER. Eeyore and Cindy-Lu: New and Improved! Now with educational programming! And vegetables!
Eeyore is in the midst of some strange new obsession with The History Channel and The Discovery Channel and, y’all? What the hell? History? On the TV? Where you learn things? About stuff? From a long time ago? Weird.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. It makes me feel much better about myself as a mother when I lay in bed at night and tally up my mothering mistakes for the day. “Hmm,” I think, “Eeyore watched 3 hours of television today. That’s bad. That’s real bad. I’m probably going to hell for that. BUT WAIT! He was watching educational programming! I am an AWESOME mother!” And then I drift peacefully off to sleep secure in my role as mother of the year.
Another thing that makes me wonder if I’ve been transported to some alternate dimension is the new found discovery that my children like asparagus. ASPARAGUS. You know, those skinny green stick things. They are vegetables. Vegetables have all these, like, nutrients or something. Supposedly they are good.
I cooked asparagus for the first time ever tonight and they ate the shit out of it. Crazy!
Speaking of alternate dimensions, do you have a store that you go to really often? Say, for example, Wal-Mart? And since you are there everyday you pretty much have that bitch memorized. You know where EVERYTHING is and could probably find your way around in the dark. You have a store like that, right? WELL. Have you ever gone to the same store but in a different city? Of course you have. Isn’t that weird? I mean, no. It’s not weird if the store is set up completely opposite of the one you are used to, but yes, if the store is set up like your normal store but just a little off…that is WEIRD, man. I get so disoriented and confused. Its like I’ve smoked a little too much, um, what? Nevermind. It’s just weird. I mean, in MY store the purses, gloves and belts section is DIRECTLY across from aisle 3, but in the OTHER store it is directly across from aisle 4. It’s so close, but just a leetle bit off. Freaky!
What makes you feel like you’ve entered an alternate dimension? Surely there is something. I mean, I’m not crazy or anything, right?
L the D says:
Haha, the Munchkin likes asparagus too. And broccoli. Spinach has no chance at our table with her, and carrots sans dip is her version of cruel and unusual punishment, but give her something green and lightly salted and she is in HEAVEN. Well, green, stalky, and lightly salted.
L the D’s last blog post..I Take It All Back
March 30th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Cris says:
It’s not so much the layout, but the items themselves. The store in my town does not have the salad dressing I like…but the same store in the next twon over does. And you know what? I’m just a big enough loser that I drive there just for salad dressing….
Cris’s last blog post..Catching up
March 30th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Karly says:
Cris, I have a favorite salad dressing my store doesn’t carry either. I contemplated ordering a CASE of it from Amazon, but then just decided to make the trip to a different grocery store whenever I run out.
March 30th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Kristin says:
Been lurking for awhile now, but had to de-lurk.
Isn’t it great when our kid surprise us by eating what we made for them? Mine love peas. And olives. And sometimes broccoli. And salad. WOW~they do eat better than I think they do.
Kristin’s last blog post..I should be doing other things, but I’m blogging instead.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:50 am
angel says:
Alternate dimension triggers: running out of Dr. Pepper, actually blogging about something other than myself, watching the today show when al or ann or meredith or matt is missing, telling my kids to do something and having them actually do it without a single bit of drama, driving a car after not having driven for a week or so, or, driving someone else’s car for awhile and then getting back into my own, waking up from a dream and not really knowing it was just a dream yet, smoking pot, just to name a few.
angel’s last blog post..Today just hurts… in so many ways. (updated)
March 31st, 2008 at 8:20 am
In the Trenches of Mommyhood says:
I swear I have 3 Targets within a 10 mile radius. I can never find ANYTHING in ANY of them b/c I get so confused as to which Target I’m in. Diapers? Oh, I thought they were here. Nope, over there. Damn.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..The Fridge Fiasco
March 31st, 2008 at 9:36 am
June says:
This alternate dimension always gets me - going to a neighbor’s house that is the same floor plan as mine but flipped. You know, the stairs at your house are on your left as you walk in the door and the dining room is on the right and it’s opposite at their house. Freaks me out every time!
March 31st, 2008 at 12:00 pm
the planet of janet says:
i feel that alternate universe thing about my favorite costco. all others seem slightly off to me!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday: the words to live by edition
March 31st, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
I’m pretty sure I’ve been in an alternate dimension ever since I gave birth to Ironflower.
And Dude, asparagus? I don’t even eat asparagus. You’re awesome.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Families Don’t Tell
March 31st, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Leslie says:
Julia has pretty good eating habits - much, much better than mine. She actually likes vegetables. And I’m such a jerk. I make her eat the good stuff, like a real breakfast, then I sneak into the bathroom and snarf down a brownie. Why is it I can understand that a brownie for breakfast isn’t good for her, but it’s okay for me?
I feel the same alternate dimension thing when I go to a Pizza Hut that isn’t our usual spot. Jules and I usually go to Pizza Hut on Wednesday after piano class. She has noodles, I have a personal pan pizza. I’m not sure why you’d care about that, but there it is. One weekend, we were out of town and decided to go to Pizza Hut and Julia asked, “Can’t we go to the real Pizza Hut?” She was weirded out because we had to park on the “wrong side” of the restaurant. She had the alternate dimension thing, too!
Leslie’s last blog post..Full Term Pregnancy: A Haiku And A Poll
March 31st, 2008 at 9:33 pm
A Mom Anonymous says:
Well I’ve been to your Wal Mart lots of times and it is OPPOSITE - totally flipped - from the one down the street from me! Then again, FG would say many things are totally flipped there - LOL!
Vegetables …. yes, that would definitely be an alternate dimension here. DD ate them a few times, even asparagus. I thought I had a chance with her but nope. Now I can barely force a veggie down either of them.
A Mom Anonymous’s last blog post..My husband’s coming home!
March 31st, 2008 at 10:57 pm
baseballmom says:
My kids love asparagus too…who’d think it? They also love broccoli and cauliflour (I never know how to spell that). I love it when they like the good-for-them stuff. T went through a phase when he was little where he LOVED undersea documentaries–I even bought a dvd of some australian great barrier reef thing. He also loved the crocodile hunter
I figured he was LEARNING stuff, so tv = good mommy. Heh.
baseballmom’s last blog post..Hal. E. Luyah.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:10 am
Miss Ann Thrope says:
Well, yes, you ARE crazy, but in a sweet and loveable way. There is a Wal-Mart about 10 minutes from the Wal-Mart I always go to. And THEY are crazy! The BREAD is in the BACK of the store. The HOT WINGS are in the FRONT, and the lady’s clothes are RIGHT beside the groceries!! Who EVER thought up that madness?
Miss Ann Thrope’s last blog post..Poll dancin’…
April 1st, 2008 at 4:11 am
Karly says:
Kristin, Sounds like your kids eat pretty good! I’m always shocked to see mine shoveling broccoli in to their mouths. As long as its got cheese on it, they’ll eat it!
April 1st, 2008 at 8:44 am
Karly says:
Leslie, I’m the same way. My kids want candy right after breakfast and I tell them no, but as soon as they leave the kitchen I think “hmm, candy DOES sound good…” and then I chow down.
You’re lucky that Julia eats good. Eeyore changes his mind about what he likes and doesn’t like all the time. Very annoying.
April 1st, 2008 at 8:48 am
Karly says:
Amy, It kinda makes me feel all alternate dimension-y to think that you (some little person living in my computer) have actually been to MY wal-mart. Freaky!
April 1st, 2008 at 8:49 am
Karly says:
Baseballmom, The Magic School Bus movies are good for making you feel like a good mom, too.
April 1st, 2008 at 8:51 am
Karly says:
Miss Ann, Hot wings? At Wal-Mart? Are you sure you aren’t shoppin’ at Hooters or something?
April 1st, 2008 at 8:52 am
Queen of Shake Shake says:
What’s more weird is when they build a new Wal Mart in your same city and everything is different. Ack!
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Howdy Neighbor!
April 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
nan says:
An Alternate Dimension! That explains everything! Thank you, thank you!
Now how do I get back home?
nan’s last blog post..still stranded…
April 1st, 2008 at 8:22 pm
cube says:
I chalked it up to a Temporal Anomaly, but an Alternate Dimension works too.
cube’s last blog post..Real Quidditch
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 am