You know, I have this theory. My theory is simple really. And, honestly, not as much a theory as a fact. But, we’ll call it a theory just so we don’t hurt any feelings. (I just spent ten minutes googling whether I was allowed to start a sentence with a conjuction, and guess what! I am!) My theory: Men suck.
What is their problem, anyway? Why are they so DUMB?
Cleatus spent the afternoon doing something to our toilet tank. He had to take the whole damn thing off and then he replaced the old insides with new insides. I was very proud of him. BUT! He then left a bunch of dirty grimy mess from his tools and whatnot all over the bathroom sink. Keep in mind that this dirt and grime was coming from the TOILET and the floor next to the toilet that my seven year old son and 27 year old husband regularly pee on. Plus…FECAL MATTER! On my sink! Why does he start a job and then leave the mess and expect me to clean it up? That makes me want to scream.
Later I went in to the kitchen to put a pizza in the oven cook a highly nutritious meal for our family and I noticed that he had left his gloves laying on the counter top. The same gloves that he used for FIXING THE TOILET. So now the poop is also on my kitchen counter! Yay! I yelled in to him to ask what to do with them and he shouted back for me to just throw them away. OH MY GOD. The counter and the garbage are in the same room just a few steps from each other. Is he seriously to lazy to just throw the fuckers in the garbage? I yelled at him. Oh, yes, I did. Dumbass.
Then! Even later he was changing the light bulb in the kitchen for me and had to open a new package of light bulbs. What do you suppose he did with the light bulbs he didn’t use? If you guessed left them on the counter you would be right. When I (again) yelled in to him that he was so god damn annoying he shouted back “Do you want me to come clean up my mess?” Yes! Yes, I do. And then I want bang my head against the wall, because dear god, what is the fucking problem here? Am I your god damn mother?
PMS. I gots it. And yes, this would all be HIGHLY IRRITATING even if I weren’t PMSing, but I wouldn’t normally blog it. Today though? Must blog about the dumbness that is my husband.
Not only does PMS make me irritable it also makes me weepy. Which means that when Field of Dreams came on TV last night I cried like a little bitch. Not just girly little tears running down my cheeks. I was sobbing. I was doing the funny breathe thing even. FIELD OF DREAMS! Yeah, it can be emotional, but I was crying at EVERYTHING.
The end.
Shannon says:
I’m with ya sister. PMS and all. I have a blog post saved that I haven’t finished yet called “Things I Don’t Understand About My Husband” (bottom line, very similar to what you have here). My hubby saw it in the saved files and immediately had to know what it was about. I told him it was a surprise and that’s he’s just going to have to wait for the day of my vengeance. Don’t piss me off or I start bitching to the internet!
Shannon’s last blog post..lock down
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:25 am
Kristin says:
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Can I steal (uh, I mean borrow) this blog, and change the names to protect the not so innocent? ugh.
guess I should be careful; my husband loves your blog (he found the “booger” one and about peed his pants laughing).
Kristin’s last blog post..I’m all shook up
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:54 am
Gina says:
I totally guessed “he left them on the counter” because I am married to that same guy. I once posted Monday-Friday photos of my bathroom floor to show the progression of underwear that he leaves there every day. Needless to say, Mon=1, Fri=5.
Gina’s last blog post..Movies
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Karly says:
Shannon, That’ll keep him in line! Threaten him with a blog post telling all about his evil ways!
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:34 am
Karly says:
Kristin, It cracks me up that your husband likes my blog. I’m always shocked that men read this crap.
But, yes, you can totally reprint this and change the names. I should have just portions of this blank for other women to fill in with their husband’s info. Would have saved some time!
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
Karly says:
Gina, That is hilarious. So after having pictures of his underwear posted all over the internet did he learn his lesson and start cleaning up after himself?
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:37 am
Zephra says:
“Why does he start a job and then leave the mess and expect me to clean it up? That makes me want to scream.”
I suspect that you, like me, ended up cleaning it up. They are much like kids. Actually, that is not fair to the kids.
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:49 am
A Mom Anonymous says:
Karly, come visit me. We can send our kids to a happier place (Grandma’s) and we can yell at each other then cry about it together.
Ohhhh yes. I think it’s all in the male wiring. They just don’t have the follow-through gene installed correctly.
((((HUGS)))
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 am
Jerseygirl89 says:
I love boys are dumb posts.
And yeah, I called them boys on purpose.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Fantastic Book
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Swistle says:
This is so funny, and EXACTLY how it is. Why DO they do a job but leave the clean-up as if we’re going to do it?
Swistle’s last blog post..Day Sadness
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:35 am
shuey6 says:
well, now I feel better about the skanky underwear that TheMayor tossed just A LITTLE SHORT of the hamper. Like, an inch away. Because men suck like that.
shuey6’s last blog post..FAQ: the hot seat
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Leslie says:
Eh, men. Mine is the same way.
Leslie’s last blog post..Mr. T Says, “Quit Your Jibba Jabba! This Is Motherhood, Fool!”
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Cris says:
My favorite is when they DO something right (ie: fold the laundry), they must call it to your attention and you must oooh and aaah and thank them and make a fuss. When all you really want to do is say “Look jackass, I’ve put away 27 loads of laundry this week, and you don’t see me begging for props.”
Cris’s last blog post..Ms. Fix-It
April 2nd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Vicky says:
You could have been writing about my husband. He never cleans up when fixing stuff and often breaks something else too. It has gotten to the point I have to think do I really want him to fix it or can I live with it broken.
Vicky’s last blog post..Things I have learned since having a baby
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:17 am
Jack's Raging Mommy says:
I now work with seven boys in a small space.
When I have PMS it’s NOT pretty.
There are currently only two guys at the shop I haven’t gotten into it with, and they both work part time.
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Queen of Shake Shake says:
As if I weren’t bitch enough, PMS takes it to all new heights for me.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..I’m Telling the Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing But the Tooth
April 4th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Go Read It Today, Monday, April 7, 2008 says:
[...] the PMS, [...]
April 7th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Jen says:
Ugh, this could have been written about my husband. In my opinion anyone who leaves poopy gloves on the kitchen counter deserves to be yelled at even if the yeller doesn’t have PMS.
Jen’s last blog post..Animals I know and love (and some I don’t)
April 7th, 2008 at 2:59 pm