McWhite Trash

April 4, 2008 | Filed in: Crazy Kids

Dell finally shipped my laptop and it arrived this morning. I am not so good with changes, but getting a new computer is always exciting to me. However, this one? Is totally different from my other laptop. It runs Vista instead of XP and I’m not so thrilled about that, but I will deal. Right?

To celebrate the arrival of my new laptop I decided to take the children to McDonald’s to play in the germ tubes while I surfed the net. I am a good mother and would rather my chidlren have fun contracting various contagious diseases while I hoover french fries in to my mouth. The alternative was to stay home and try to block out the sounds of them begging me to play with them while I tried to get acquainted with my new ~~boyfriend~~ computer. Trust me. This is preferable. Also? I will be out of town for the weekend, so any germs they bring home will be going with them to their grandma’s house. No worries here!

I have only brought the kids to McDonald’s to play a few times before and each time I do I am SHOCKED by the people here. This place is worse than Wal-Mart. Just now I am sitting a few tables away from a family of five. There is a man in a suit, a woman in a HORRID dress, a grandma, and two kids. The grandma and the kids are in ratty clothes, but the parents are all dressed up. I am quite nosy so I was trying to figure out why they were all dressed up. It was pretty obvious the two don’t dress up often, so I was fairly certain these weren’t work clothes. Unless their regular work clothes consist of pimp suits and hooker boots. Turns out they had just gone to the courthouse and gotten married. And were now celebrating with a fancy lunch out at McDonalds. High class, peole. High class.

The reason I know this is because the lady at the table directly next to them keeps loudly butting in to their conversation and asking questions. “Oh, you just got married? Like JUST NOW?” she screeches. They confirm that yes, they were just married, and the loud lady says “Oh, I’m just nosy! I’m always butting in to peoples conversations!” Like I said…HIGH CLASS!

Also, I smell pee.

The children keep running out of the tunnels and coming over to interrupt me. These tunnels should really come with some sort of automatic lockng door. A child goes in, the door slides closed and locks. When the parent is ready to leave they just push a button and the tunnels suction the child out. It would be like a vacuum in reverse, shooting children out of the tunnels so that the parents do not have to stand there and screech at them to HURRY UP ITS TIME TO GO, GOD DAMN IT I SAID NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKERS.

Seeing as how my local McDonald’s does not have this feature I should probably go stand at the edge of the tunnels and begin shouting now.

17 Comments so far
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There are always interesting people at the McD’s. But mine is usually pretty quiet if I go mid-morning. Then I can read the paper in relative quiet. My kids are usually pretty good about playing without any blood-curdling screaming and leaving when I say it’s time to go. But really, that suction thing sounds like waaaay too much fun! I would be sucking them out just for kicks.
Shannon’s last blog post..just call me baby mcwhinerson

Some of the worst experiences I’ve had as a mother have happened at a McDonald’s play area. I try my best to avoid them, which often forces me to get creative with the truth with Julia. Like telling her I’m banned from McDonald’s play areas for life.

Leslie’s last blog post..Me And My Uterus: Menaces To Society

Screeching little fuckers cracks me up. It pisses me off to NO end when I tell the kids it’s time to go and they jet their ass up the Chick Fil A tubes. Little fuckers indeed.

And a wedding reception lunch at McDonalds. That’s the saddest thing I’ve heard all day. Man!

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..I’m Telling the Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing But the Tooth

Oh, if only my BACK DOOR had one of those “HURRY UP ITS TIME TO GO, GOD DAMN IT I SAID NOW YOU LITTLE FUCKERS” vacuums-in-reverse, that would shoot my kids out of the house at 8am every weekday. If they could land in the loser cruiser with their seatbelts already done up…

Oh, how much easier my life would be.

xoxo CGF

ps. I smell pee, too…

candygirlflies’s last blog post..April 1

Candygirlflies, Funniest. Comment. Ever.

You hit the jackpot today!!

MammaLoves’s last blog post..How He Became Our Son, Part II

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! That reminds me of the last time I went to Chuck E Cheese!! Total trashfest.
And you smell pee because it’s pee, and drool, and snot and who knows what else in those tunnels. One time at Hardees, while I was trying to convince my ex husband not to leave me for the 510th time, while Logan played on the little playground, a lady politely informed me that my son had peed himself in the ball pit. So, yeah, that was me.

Pam’s last blog post..Prayer Request

Dude, you got a Dell? So jealous.

And I HATE McDonald’s playgrounds with a PASSION.

sam’s last blog post..For Your Editing Pleasure

HA! Too funny. I like the suction door idea though. Right out of the house and into the van every morning. Nice.

My son got a black eye at the McDonald’s playplace while we were there for a birthday party. Tripped, fell, smacked his 15 month old face on a stool. Not my favorite place. gah

Kristin’s last blog post..A change of scenery. It does a mind good. (UPDATE)

We would have SO MUCH fun together making fun of people!

This made me giggle!

Jennifer’s last blog post..Let’s Just Say I’m Not Going Amish Any Time Soon

We are coming to the states in may, my son Sam and I. You know where he really wants to go? The centre for cultural excellence in America? Mmm hmm, McDonalds. Oh, and the Aquarium. Two must-sees. Do they have mcdonalds at the mall? Can I just leave him there?

nan’s last blog post..quote of the day

I hate those nasty-ass tunnels. They should be see-through so you can at least see what nastiness may be up there. Also you can see where those little “FUCKERS” are hiding when it’s time to go.

Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Kids, please dial 911

oh karly, this is the best EVAH.

and that reverse vacuum is still necessary when they hit 13.

i’m just sayin’

the planet of janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday: the celebrity crush edition

There is nothing I could possibly say that competes with this post. It’s THAT awesome.

You are a classic in the making girl… hilarious.

angel’s last blog post..The cold hard truth

[...] Comments angel on McWhite Trashthe planet of janet on McWhite TrashPatti on Put Yourself In My ShoesMrs. Schmitty on McWhite [...]

Oh I DO want one of those vacuum tunnels! This was too hilarious. And I had to go in a K Mart over Easter (long story) and seriously, I wanted a shower when I ran back out to my car. Just.Eeewww.

Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..He’s a Yellow Duckie

Girl, I seriously just snorted and laughed out loud.
Brava!

Dory’s last blog post..I ahm the weakest link… goodbye.

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