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Sometimes I am such an asshole. And sometimes I try to be a nice person and end up being an asshole. Like today.
I have a Netflix subscription that I tend to forget about. I order the movies and we either watch them and I forget to mail them back or we just plain forget to watch them. Usually I’ll remember when I see the charge on my credit card and I’ll get the movies. At that point I have decide if its worth it to actually watch the movies and risk letting them hide in our entertainment center for another month or if I should just cut my losses and stick them back in the mail immediately. Today I chose to just stick the unwatched movies back in the mail. After all, one of the movies was some documentary about Ben Franklin and HONESTLY who wants to watch that? Apparently I did at some point, but that’s unimportant.
I went out to the mailbox this afternoon before the mailman had a chance to get here and I put the movies in the mailbox. I was so proud of myself. I had ACCOMPLISHED something today. Being such a hard worker is so REWARDING, you know?
In the spirit of hard workers everywhere, I decided to help Cleatus out and bring one of our garbage cans back to the garage with me. After all, I was standing right next to them and I could easily bring one back. I certainly wasn’t going to go back later and get the other one, but I could take the one with me on my walk to the house. Hardworking = Me.
About halfway down our long ass driveway I realized that my garbage can was kind of heavy. Like maybe there was still garbage in it? I slowed down a little, but didn’t stop walking because I didn’t want to call attention to myself. I very casually looked around at the neighbors’ driveways. All of their cans were still sitting by the road.
Our garbage man ALWAYS comes around 7 in the morning. I know this because I am usually still trying to sleep and he is loud. Also, Cleatus used to miss the garbage man all the time because he comes so early. SURELY I WAS NOT CARRYING OUR GARBAGE BACK TO THE HOUSE.
But I was.
And I kept on going. I may have even started whistling, trying to be all tra-la-la, nothing amiss over here, I just wasn’t quite done with my garbage yet. My neighbors weren’t even outside. Most of them work anyway and it was 2 in the afternoon. But even if they were all outside just staring at me WHO CARES if my neighbors see me take the garbage can from the road to the house and back again? WHO CARES?
Apparently I do.
The garbage man just went down the other side of the road and he’ll be coming up my side in just a moment. Should I take the can back out there? What if someone sees me? What will they think I was doing? They will totally think I’m an idiot. I just can’t do it.
Cleatus is going to be so happy that I helped him out today.
Gawd, I’m an asshole.
A Mom Anonymous says:
Oh that is funny! Enjoy that garbage for another week so you don’t look silly - silly girl!
I just brought ours back in “helping” as well. I loathe taking the can back into the dog pen on the side of the house but I did it. Mainly because I know FG is going to come home in a baaaad mood and wanted to ease the pain a teeny bit. I worked in the office this morning and got to experience first-hand the crap he deals with with his dad (they run their business together). At least my can was empty though, because I usually can’t get the lid shut or move it when it’s full!
May 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Lottifish says:
Man, my Mom would slap you :p She chases the garbage man down in the wee hours of the morning just so she can re-fill it.
Lottifish’s last blog post..When You Want To Leave
May 5th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Suzi says:
Bring it back to the street, but first yell toward your garage, “Cleatus, you asshole! I TOLD you they hadn’t picked up the trash yet! Next time they’re late, you’re going to have to walk to the end of the driveway to look for yourself! I’m not bringing it up there again!
May 5th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
MammaLoves says:
Oh honey. We gotta get you to let go a little.
I have an idea!
Come to BlogHer and we’ll do ridiculous things in public so taking the trash back to the street won’t seem so bad.
MammaLoves’s last blog post..How He Became Our Son, Part III
May 5th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Carrie says:
I would totally think the same thing. Maybe you should move to my neighborhood and we can be the only ones home when the garbage men get off their regular schedules together!
May 5th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
kelli in the mirror says:
Okay, that is funny. And now you’re stuck with it another week? Two weeks of trash doesn’t fit in our can, so I’d have to take it back to the curb no matter how dumb I felt.
And netflix? I’m a freak for it. I check my queue at least twice a day and rearrange things and try to make sure I plan it so I have new things to watch every other day. It’s a sickness. I’m hooked on tv- almost done with Gilmore Girls and then I think I might finally see what’s so great about Grey’s Anatomy.
May 5th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
Cassey says:
That’s too funny. I do things like that alot then I wonder why did I care?
Cassey’s last blog post..Why Party When You Can Watch Others Party?
May 6th, 2008 at 8:59 am
jasmine says:
oh come on now, you’re not an asshole. you just need a xanax.
jasmine’s last blog post..parmesan cheese and cayenne pepper is so last week
May 6th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Leslie says:
I’m laughing over here, but I probably would have done the same thing. Although, it would most likely be due to laziness rather than embarassment.
Leslie’s last blog post..Beware The Sleep Deprived Mom
May 6th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Kristin says:
Ha. Love it. Guess I’m glad we have to take our garbage to the dump.
Kristin’s last blog post..A contest!
May 7th, 2008 at 6:32 am
the planet of janet says:
i can be helpful like that too! wonderhubby just loves it when i am.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..The difference between her and HER, and why I like HER better
May 7th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Jennifer says:
That’s some funny shit right there.
Totally something I would do.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Let’s Hear From Our Judges
May 7th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Lotta says:
Won’t you be my neighbor?
Lotta’s last blog post..Ecommerce Interview
May 7th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Lotta says:
Hey, how do you add all those “Digg it, stumble it” links to your posts?
Lotta’s last blog post..Ecommerce Interview
May 7th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Karly says:
Suzi, You crack me up.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Karly says:
MammaLoves, Maybe next year. Til then, I’ll just hafta find someone to ship me some xanax.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Karly says:
Kelli, That TV show series thing is an awesome idea! I just added Grey’s Anatomy to my queue as well! I’ve always wondered if it was really THAT good.
May 7th, 2008 at 8:17 pm