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Tonight was the big night, y’all. Cindy-Lu’s first ever soccer practice. Would she get on the field and kick that ball like a pro? Or would she get on the field and cry like a little bitch because her mommy wasn’t there?
OH MY GAWD, DAD! They want to put a name tag on me! Hold me!
She actually did a lot better than I expected. She cried for a couple of minutes after the coach dared to put a name tag on her back. Stickers. They are EVIL.
She got over it though and Cleatus left the field and she started walking off towards the middle of the field like the coach told the kids to do. The coach (hereafter called “Coach” because I don’t want to keep typing THE COACH and because she is not actually a coach because SHE SUCKS and is therefore in quotes) (Also note there are actually TWO coaches. But they sucked so much they are just being called “Coach” together.) completely ignored MAH PRESHUS BAYBEE and focused on all of the other kids. I might sound a bit whiny and annoying when I say that, but seriously. Neither one of them said ONE WORD to Cindy-Lu. She stood to the side by herself and stared at them while they worked with the other kids. At times they would just wander away and leave her on her own.
“Coach?” Where’d ya go? Anyone? Bueller?
After about twenty minutes of Cindy-Lu being completely ignored Cleatus went out on to the field and helped her out.
Dat’s a ball, Daddy. “Coach” helps the other kids kick that, but maybe YOU can help me?
So he did. Because he’s a good daddy.
Hmm. Dat ball wants me to kick it.
Okay, maybe I will. But gently. So I don’t hurt my piggies.
After Cindy-Lu kicked the ball to her Daddy a few times and was continually ignored by “Coach” it was time for everyone to come and get a drink of water. All the kids were herded over to the water coolers and given drinks. Except for Cindy-Lu. She just stood there and made faces.
You got water? I don’t got water.
What? I don’t look thirsty? Or I’m just invisible?
After all the other children were given water and Cindy-Lu was not, it was time for the parents to come and collect their children. Luckily I was paying attention, because “Coach” wandered off and left Cindy-Lu alone in sea of people by herself. Because, you know, Cindy-Lu is, like, totally easy to miss. She’s practically invisible.
Me? I not invisible. I just playin’ soccer. All alone.
*Obviously, the bitch is the coach.
A Mom Anonymous says:
Well Damn them! How dare they ignore something so adorable! Do they kick puppies too? Now’s the time to teach CL a few good lines to use on those poor excuses that call themselves “Coach”. That will get their attention and they will never forget her. I’m sure the words “bitch” and “See You Next Tuesday” need to be included in those lines.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Karly says:
Amy, I’m almost positive I saw one of them kick a puppy. You’re right. I should totally teach her some dirty words. Or maybe just teach her to give them titty twisters.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Gretchen says:
If you’d like, I could send my kid over to have a full-on meltdown in the middle of the field. She’s got talent, this one, and will happily provide you with a 30-minute fit at the drop of a hat (or a spoon, or the last cookie that isn’t “broken”). Considering I’ve used her screaming to strip wallpaper and refinish furniture (without messy chemicals!), the auditory assault should be sufficient to torture the bitches.
And, if they don’t respond, you’ll know they’re not only stupid and unobservant, they’re deaf.
Gretchen’s last blog post..Might be time to start cooking again
May 15th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
rachel says:
She is so damn cute!
I can’t believe she was ignored by ‘Coach’.
Did you and Coachie-kins have words?
Will y’all go back?
But… it did give you blogging fodder
rachel’s last blog post..Fa-Fa and some Feta, too
May 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Chris H says:
Seriously? I would be changing teams, that sucks big time… and the ‘coach’ is obviously a bitch.
Chris H’s last blog post..I’M GUNNA GO BEGGING TODAY!
May 16th, 2008 at 2:54 am
Amanda Regan says:
If the coaches are that uncaring & inept I would have words……. nicely explaining that while you don’t expect CL to be the centre of attention that it seemed to you she was pretty much overlooked. I’d then see what happens in the next two weeks & if nothing has changed I’d pull her out of it.
The last thing you want is CL to start thinking she’s second - class or not worth bothering about just because of some barely capable, not good enough to have made a career out of coaching soccer coaches.
Amanda Regan’s last blog post..MMR - News Of The World Newspaper.
May 16th, 2008 at 3:41 am
Melanie says:
The “Coach” was OBVIOUSLY jealous, because she is nowhere near as drop-dead beautiful as CL, and any child she may have spawned could not possibly be, either.
Jealousy. Obviously.
Melanie’s last blog post..Begrudging Blog Post
May 16th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Kristin says:
Words. With. Coach. Necessary. This is a practice for ALL kids. The ones that are a bit shy need the MOST attention. I would smack them around for you, but I am so far away. Maybe you need to hand them the definition of coach. Remind them they’re to work with all kids of all abilities.
i’m all fired up.
Kristin’s last blog post..More Twists and Turns
May 16th, 2008 at 6:29 am
samcy says:
I cannot believe that the Coaches ignored that pudding in pie face!!! Bitches!
samcy’s last blog post..Slow & Steady Wins the Race…
May 16th, 2008 at 6:32 am
Suzi says:
That’s the saddest post ever. What is wrong with people? Is changing teams an option? What a sucky introduction to the concept of TEAM.
May 16th, 2008 at 6:53 am
Zephra says:
That was a sad post. Shame on that coach.
On the side, you should so be a photographer. You pictures are so good. Or maybe it is just your daughter that makes them so special.
Zephra’s last blog post..An ever growing list of things that irritate, irk, or generally piss me off:
May 16th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Karly says:
Gretchen, Feel free to send the little terror over! Also, new way for you to make money? Selling tantrums for use as a weapon?
May 16th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Karly says:
Melanie, OBVIOUSLY. (The coach totally had a great butt, though. Hussy!)
May 16th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Karly says:
Zephra, That is the nicest compliment ever. Thank you. I would LURVE to get a DSLR camera if I could ever get Cleatus to understand how much I love taking pictures. Bastard. And maybe I ask for stuff a lot too, but WHATEVER. Still his fault!
May 16th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Jill (CDJ) says:
Boo “Coach”! I just signed The Boy up for his first soccer lessons and I hope his “coaches” don’t suck like Cindy Lu’s. Hope things improve… If not you can teach her to kick them in the shins and make it look like an accident.
Jill (CDJ)’s last blog post..Anya was robbed!
May 16th, 2008 at 8:07 am
the planet of janet says:
“coach” needs to hear from you.
and if she doesn’t believe you, you have the photographic evidence to prove her bad behavior.
go, cindy-lu. kick that ball!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the touch you with my song edition
May 16th, 2008 at 8:43 am
theaunt says:
Okay, that’s it. I’m teaching Cindy-Lu how to say “Hay you fucking fuckers”!!!! Can I huh, huh, pleeeeaaasee….
May 16th, 2008 at 10:27 am
ali says:
poor little lu.
ali’s last blog post..the expandable fork of doom returns…and why i might actually *like* my 30s
May 16th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Leslie says:
The same thing happened at Julia’s first T-ball practice last year! I just kept taking Julia by the hand, marching her up to her “coach” and saying, “This is your Coach, Julia. It’s his job to help you!” Then, I’d turn to the “coach” and say, “Hi “Coach.” This is Julia. What should she be doing?” or “Hi “Coach.” Remember Julia? She needs some help.”
Yeah, they hated me. But, practice #2, I didn’t once have to march my big fat ass to the middle of the field to make them COACH MY DAUGHTER.
This year, Dave is the coach.
Leslie’s last blog post..A Bulleted Post: The Overwhelmed And Floopy Version
May 16th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Pam says:
Since I am, and have been for 10 years, a “coaches wife” I was going to try and find some defense for the way CL was treated but honestly? There is no justification. Please follow up on this post by calling the coach and asking her if this is the treatment you can expect for the whole season and if it is, get your money back and tell her that word around town is that she has crotch rot.
At CL’s age, it’s instructional coaching and not competitive. If they were focusing on returning players or ones that have had some experience, they need their coaching certificates revoked.
Pam’s last blog post..A Poor Substitute For Words
May 16th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
candygirlflies says:
I think “Coach” might be a bit… “beyond” talking to (and by that I mean: she is, in all likelihood, too dumb to understand what she is doing wrong).
The head of your league, however, might be veeeery interested to hear the story.
If it were me? I’d just strategically back over “the coach” with my loser cruiser in the parking lot after “practise”.
“Oops!! My bad!!”
Good luck…
xo CGF
candygirlflies’s last blog post..Up and flying!
May 16th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Michele says:
Wonderful pictues and great blog!!! What a cute little girl!!! Good luck with soccer!
Michele’s last blog post..Replacement Windows!
May 16th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
I can’t believe you refrained from kicking the “Coach”. Poor Cindy-Lu, her and that adorable face, how in the world could they ignore that? Bitches.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Things That Made Me Laugh Yesterday
May 16th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Vicky says:
I don’t know how the “coach” could ignore someone as cute as Cindy-Lu. I admire your restraint. I don’t think I could have not had words.
Vicky’s last blog post..Whats going on with the girls?
May 16th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
David King says:
Honestly I have to say moving her to another team isn’t really the best deal. When I played little league I was thoroughly ignored and it’s typically because the other kids are either returning, or sons and daughters of friends, and moving to another team just tells her it’s okay to quit. I think as long as you guys are there for her she’ll be alright. And asking the coach to pay more attention to her really doesn’t help either - they have to do it because they want to not because you tell them to. Sometimes it’s better to be the outcast because it gives you a reason to succeed and show them that you can be great without them.
May 17th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Karly says:
Leslie, I love you. I can just picture you repeatedly taking Julia over the him. Ha! Stupid coaches. Maybe Dave would come coach CL for me?
May 17th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Karly says:
Pam, we’re planning on seeing how next week goes and kicking someone’s ass if it isn’t improved.
Bitches.
May 17th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
FabGirl says:
Your kid is just so cute that I could totally cut you. Betch. As for the “Coaches”, WTF? These are babehs out on the field! The same thing happened to my son when he was taking skating lessons (shut up, haterz!) and my husband got all up in the grill of the skating director’s face until we got a better skating teacher. (Then it turns out that the skating director is our Catholic priest’s niece. Nice one, there.)
Hopefully next week is better. And it def. looks like Cleatus could kick some ass.
FabGirl’s last blog post..It’s Friday and I’m in Love
May 17th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Queen of Shake Shake says:
I swear little league coaches are required to go through bitch and asshole training before signing up to be a coach. What is with them?
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..I Shouldn’t Have Made Fun of the End of School year Craziness. Karma Is Watching Me.
May 18th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
Take photos. Talk to other parents. Complain to coach’s superiors. And THEN cut the, bitch. I’ll say you were with me and couldn’t possibly have done it.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - My Hands Are Full Edition
May 18th, 2008 at 9:03 pm