He might be a dickhead, but he’s MY dickhead.
I was laying in bed last night (Is it laying or lying? I never know.) when I suddenly remembered that Cleatus is DUMB. You see, on vacation we saw a little FedEx box truck that was pulling behind it a BIG FedEx trailer. It looked kinda funny and Cleatus mentioned it and then I said something about how it would be even funnier if the FedEx truck was pulling a UPS trailer or a…you know…the yellow van people? With the red writing? WHO IS THAT COMPANY? Cleatus didn’t know what I was talking about and decided that I MADE IT UP. THE ONLY TWO SHIPPING COMPANIES IN THE WORLD ARE UPS AND FEDEX. AMEN.
We obviously spent the next 8,000 hours on the road looking for a yellow van with red writing. I knew it existed, but I couldn’t remember the name. Cleatus knew that it didn’t exist and that I was just making shit up. We never did see one.
My stolen purse is about to prove me right. When I posted about it I was so busy listing the lip glosses that had been ripped from my poor dry lips’ grasp, that I forgot to mention that my cell phone was also in my purse. On the way home from Tennessee I called our insurance company and they said they would ship me a new phone right out. You can all see where this is going, right?
Cleatus was in bed (he was on third shift that night) when the big yellow van pulled in to our driveway. The big yellow van with the big red letters that spelled out DHL. I grabbed my camera and took a picture through the window and congratulated myself on being right.
Me = Right.
All of this brings it back around to last night. I was laying in bed remembering how dumb Cleatus is and also how forgetful I am. I hadn’t shown him that picture yet, because I kept forgetting. I started mentally composing an email to him and in the letter I called him a dickhead for not believing me.
Here is where you come in.
Dickhead. When you call someone that (because you do call people that, right?) are you calling them a person with a penis for a head? Or are you calling them the head of a penis?
And while I’ve got you all answering questions, I have another one to toss out there for you. Do you use the word assume? I do not. I do everything in my power to avoid that word. I’ll say “Oh, I just THOUGHT that you…” or “Oh, I wasn’t sure, so I just GUESSED…” Isn’t that dumb? I am SO SCARED of someone saying “You know what they say about assuming!” that I just pretend the word doesn’t exist. Anyone else scared of making an ass out of you and me?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.
Mrs. Schmitty says:
You don’t sleep much, do you?
And I think it’s the head of a dick, just in case, you wanted my opinion.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..She’ll Be Back In A Few Days
June 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
noble pig says:
I agree with Mrs. Scmitty, it’s the head of a dick. yep that’s what it is.
noble pig’s last blog post..Puttin the “Z” in Z-cupcake
June 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Karelle says:
I always *assumed* (no, I’m not afraid to be an ass) that it was the head of the dick - you know, the one that can’t think.
Oh and you were *lying* in bed. You lay an object down but you lie down.
June 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Nan says:
*I* think, it’s someone with a dick for a head. And? How come men (especially dickheads) are so good at remembering stuff like the names of companies and the exact date of your last bounced cheque in mid-argument? HOW? Cuz I get all dumb until suddenly, at two in the morning, I think “OH YEAH??? Well what about the Great Drunken Assholery of ‘08?” But he’s sleeping the sleep of the innocent. It must be something to do with having a dick for a head.
Nan’s last blog post..The Great Carnival Hat of 2007
June 14th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
the planet of janet says:
i think it’s BOTH. just cuz i’m argumentative that way.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..This will surprise NO ONE who knows me ….
June 14th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
David King says:
Now you know why I send him 40,000 text messages, this is the man that thought black people had an extra tendon in their leg, “because he heard it somewhere”. It takes 39.999 just to prove you’re right. DENSE!
David King’s last blog post..Another day, another stupid person
June 15th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Josh Ozuna says:
I always use the word assume, and I assume that many other people in the world do too. As for dickhead…I ‘m just gonna decide to not answer that one because I am on the male side of the argument. Hmm…I guess I just like to be difficult and comment on here. lol
Oh, and I do believe that black people have an enlarged muscle in their calf area. I could be wrong though…I am just a guy.
Josh Ozuna’s last blog post..Baths vs. Showers
June 15th, 2008 at 5:08 am
A Mom Anonymous says:
That very thought crosses my mind every time the word “assume” crosses my lips! No, you are not the only one who thinks about these things. It is silly of you to assume you are
Happy Father’s Day to the dickhead
A Mom Anonymous’s last blog post..Shop like a man
June 15th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Leslie says:
I never know if it’s laying or lying either.
And dickhead absolutely means a person with a dick for a head.
Also, assume? I avoid it, too. Although I shouldn’t worry about it. I’m outed for being an ass all the time. I’m kinda used to it.
Leslie’s last blog post..Nothing Says I Love You Like Baked Goods
June 15th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Leslie says:
P.S. I had a dream about you last night. You showed up at my house with Cindy Lu and Eeyore. Just like, “Hey! We thought we’d drive for hours and hours and pop in!” And though I was thrilled to see you, I was freaking out because my house was a wreck.
Leslie’s last blog post..Nothing Says I Love You Like Baked Goods
June 15th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
baseballmom says:
Dick for a head, totally.
baseballmom’s last blog post..Beginning of the end
June 16th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Queen of Shake Shake says:
Dickhead is a deep and meaningful word for me.
When I’m calling someone a dickhead, I mean they are like an asshole, only dumber and meaner.
Because we all know that, somehow, an asshole is smarter and nicer than a dick, right?
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Wally & Heather Sitting in a Tree Not K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
June 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
ali says:
you know what i hate??
when people pronounce assume…assYoom. hate that.
ali’s last blog post..Rockstar Hotel, Rockstar Style….
June 16th, 2008 at 11:40 am
Karly says:
Karelle,
Thanks. I’ll try to remember that. I LAY things down, but I LIE down. I’ll be repeating that to myself all day in hopes of remembering .
June 16th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Karly says:
Leslie,
I love that we dream about each other. Total bloggy love.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Liz says:
So the head of a dick and used often in this house, usually muttered under the breathe after he ASSUMED I knew something he failed to tell me
June 16th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Karly says:
Queen of Shake Shake,
Now I have to disagree with that. I much prefer dicks to assholes. Therefore asshole is the worse name to be called.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Karly says:
Ali,
Um, I’m not sure how you’re saying it. LOL. I say it assoooooome. Not like assyoume. Eh, I’ll just stick to not saying it at all and then I don’t have to worry about mispronouncing it.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
LK says:
It’s got the be the head of a dick. I mean, you don’t call someone “asshole” meaning that they’re a hole shaped like an ass, right?
Although you could, technically, mean that, and then define whether you meant “ass” as in “hindquarters” or “ass” as in “donkey” . . .
Just sayin’.
LK’s last blog post..Life, In Bullets
June 17th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Jerseygirl89 says:
I don’t really say assume much. I’m not sure why.
But I always thought a dickhead was someone who was as smart as his dick.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Can’t We All Just Get A Clue?
June 17th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Nicole says:
Hi, I just found your blg and I just wanted to say…
Don’t you just love it when you’re right?
Nicole’s last blog post..Save Money by Making Your Own Cleaning Supplies - Part 5
June 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Tash Oysterblogger says:
Hey I love your header. I try not to make an ass of myself either…ever since my hubs repeated that over and over I decided to avoid the word!
Tash Oysterblogger’s last blog post..S H U T T E R U P !
June 18th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Lisa says:
The way I can remember it:
Chickens lay.
People lie.
Lisa’s last blog post..In Memoriam: Edward G Welenc, August 1928- May 2008
June 18th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
The One Where You (yes, YOU!) Get To Kick My Husband’s Ass! | Wiping Up Snot says:
[...] often if you were curious) and that led to a discussion about whether or not I was calling him the head of a dick or a dick for a head. He believes that it a head for a dick, but I explained that the majority of you commented on that [...]
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
Shawna says:
You can have the last laugh on people who say, “You know what they say about assuming!”… there is no “me” in assuming.
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:40 am