Do you ever wake up in the morning and go get your kids out of bed (first mistake: waking sleeping children. LET THEM SLEEP!) to get them ready for Vacation Bible School and you’re immediately in a pissy mood because you know they are overtired and not going to want to wake up and YOU are overtired and don’t want to wake up, but their grandma is coming to get them so you have to HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, get them up, get them dressed, get them fed, brush their hair, have a breakdown. And then your daughter is so fucking tired that she throws herself on the floor to kick and scream all because you said no to her request for chocolate milk, and lets be honest here, you only said no to chocolate milk because after waiting for her to choose a cereal for ten fucking minutes the though of standing in the kitchen mixing up chocolate milk just doesn’t sound that appealing and so you offer her a glass of juice (quick! easy! healthy!) or tell her to drink the milk out of her cereal bowl LIKE A DOG. And then you go in the other room and ignore the screaming and the kicking that is taking place in the kitchen only now it has moved to the dining room and is slowly inching its way towards you in the living because if SHE is unhappy, then god damn it, YOU will be unhappy as well. And then you give up and you start yelling that if she doesn’t KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF RIGHT NOW there will BE NO BIBLE SCHOOL and BABY JESUS WON’T BE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT, NOW WILL HE? And then you mutter under your breath about how having children was the WORST idea ever and you contemplate slitting your fucking wrists, but decide instead to just sit down and cry because WHY ARE SOME DAYS SO FUCKING HARD?
June 19, 2008
noble pig says:
Oh I am laughing so hard especially threatening them with the Baby Jesus, just hilarious. I have had many days like this, way to many.
noble pig’s last blog post..Really, I’m Not a Man
June 19th, 2008 at 8:41 am
the planet of janet says:
amen, sister.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..We shall now commence commencing
June 19th, 2008 at 9:31 am
A Mom Anonymous says:
Uh, minus the vacation bible school (insert bus stop, preschool, golf lessons…) that’s my morning just about every morning. All of it - the dragging out of bed, the bad mood, the crying fits, the 10 minutes of figuring out what they want to eat, the stalking by the 3 year old…
June 19th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Michelle says:
Been there, done that, almost every morning. Ugh. Hope your day goes better.
Michelle’s last blog post..Dog pile!!!
June 19th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Karen Sugarpants says:
Yes - except it’s the gym and I only have one monster to contend with.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..That’s So Gay! Also, Almost 4 Year Olds are Weird.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:59 am
An Iowa Mom says:
Well, no … it has NOT happened to me. Never.
Because we don’t go to VBS. And if we did, Grandma wouldn’t be coming to get them, but neither of them live here. Sorry!
However, if you want to know if I had a SIMILAR incident today? Well … no, but I haven’t let them out of their rooms yet.
BUT … yesterday … we had almost the exact thing happen, minus the VBS, Grandma … and chocolate milk. It was over a granola bar.
Yes, a granola bar.
And I let her have one. But it was chocolate chip not S’Mores … and oh the nerve of me.
And I lost it. I went all ballistic on them ALL and the older two grabbed the younger two by the hand and led them down to the basement. For TWO HOURS!
Then life was good again. It was either because of that or my “happy pills”.
An Iowa Mom’s last blog post..Helping Our Neighbors In Need
June 19th, 2008 at 11:26 am
feener says:
yes this happens to me all too often and i thank god others write about it and put out the true feelings.
like today when i gave my girls ice pops at 7.30am b/c i wanted them to LEAVE me alone b/c i was up till 2am with one of them. then i took them to the beach where one had a fit b/c sand was on her feet and her dress was wet and i was screaming in my head ..F)*(*^^ bitches _)(***& and all sorts of other wonderful stuff. it is so mentally draining.
feener’s last blog post..Germs
June 19th, 2008 at 11:55 am
ali says:
“BABY JESUS WON’T BE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT, NOW WILL HE?” best. line. ever.
ali’s last blog post..a real mystery and a question for YOU!
June 19th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Kristin says:
Sadly, I have many days like that, sans the VBS, but with the screaming and the thoughts of carefree days. I have 3 of them at home at all times and it makes me crazy. And starting next week, when school is FINALLY out, I’ll have all 4 and I will want to drink, heavily. But noooooo, that wouldn’t be good parenting, now would it? damnit.
Kristin’s last blog post..Memories
June 19th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
David King says:
(Nelson laugh)
Ha-Ha!
David King’s last blog post..These are the people in your neighborhood
June 19th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
LK says:
Yes.
Maybe not in those exact terms, but yes.
LK’s last blog post..Life, In Bullets
June 19th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Katie-KD says:
Tell Gramma they are staying the rest of VBS week with her.
Katie-KD’s last blog post..Garage sales, Prozac, Parks, Comcast,Rodents and Black Lights.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Gretchen says:
Tuesday my recently-possessed-by-Satan daughter was passingly good, up until she peed on the hardwood floor at the top of the stairs in such a way that it ran down three (carpeted) stairs … then peed on two throw pillows and an oriental carpet 10 minutes after she went to the potty … then found the bottle of carpet cleaner I forgot to put away and used 3/4 of it to spray EVERY SINGLE SURFACE ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF MY HOUSE, including her hands and face … which she could only do because I wasn’t watching her while I completed part of the TWO HOURS it took me to scrub the scum out of my bathtub.
After I finished screaming at my daughter (I seem to remember “WTF is wrong with you” featured prominently in the diatribe) and hauled her up to her room by one arm, as I cleaned up the mess on EVERY SINGLE SURFACE ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF MY HOUSE I realized that “MOMMYMOMMYMOMMY” had changed to “OWWIEOWWIEOWWIE” and my daughter was rubbing her eyes with her chemical-covered hands. So I had to stop cleaning up EVERY SINGLE SURFACE ON THE FIRST FLOOR OF MY HOUSE so I could rinse out her eyes (and hands, and face, and clothes) and get her to stop crying and apologize for yelling at her and explain why I was so mad. Apparently she had “played with the bottle with the pretty red top that has puppies and kitties on the front.” Dumbest. Mom. Ever.
And then I gave her something to do on the floor next to me while I checked my e-mail for 10 minutes, and she said, “Mommy, did the computer make you feel better yet?”
And the bottle with the puppies and kitties stained the slate entryway we had installed in February, and I haven’t been able to get it out so far.
That’s pretty much the trifecta, right? Massive amounts of immediate cleanup required, potential hospital visit required, permanent stains. Yep, seem to have that covered. If only there had been blood involved somewhere, I think I could have won most Mommy Horror Story contests, at least locally.
Gretchen’s last blog post..Which is worse?
June 19th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
nan says:
Can Gramma keep the little darlings for the rest of the holidays? We have been having end-of-term-itis, which has made everyone crabby and tired. My boys had a rare fistfight this week, and went to school looking like abuse victims the next day. We need the holidays, STAT!
nan’s last blog post..Dear Son,
June 19th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Have we had a day like this? Why not try a month. I was asinine enough to think that the TERRIBLE part of the Two’s was passing us by. Yeah right.
It doesn’t take much to set the Little Imp off. I swear, some days its like she’s got rabid PMS…those are the days I would let her eat frosting from the can if she would just CHILL OUT!
I’m tellin ya Karly…this Valium necklace I’m about to market, it’s gonna sell like hot cakes.
Auds at Barking Mad’s last blog post..My Blog Reader Runneth Over
June 19th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Karelle says:
Oh thank Sweet Baby Jesus - it’s not just me. Thank you for reminding me that we all have days like this.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Queen of Shake Shake says:
I’m a little confused.
Are you trying to tell me there are days when this kind of thing DOESN’T happen?
I recommend Irish Creme in your coffee for medicinal purposes.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..How I Know God Wants Me To Fully Partake In Adult Drinks
June 20th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Vicky says:
Been there. My daughter’s temper tantrum was caused by giving her the peach she requested and then changed her mind about. That is what 3 years do apparently. Hope it gets better.
Vicky’s last blog post..Inspiration
June 20th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Josh Ozuna says:
I don’t have kids of my own.
I remember bing a kid though.
And I definitely acted like that.
My mom used to have to dress me while I was kicking and screaming that I wasn’t ready to get out of bed.
I used to sneak out of my room a lot at night and watch tv.
Josh Ozuna’s last blog post..I Hate Abercrombie & Fitch
June 20th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Leslie says:
There must have been something going around yesterday. Julia was a jerk all.damn.day. I totally feel your pain.
Leslie’s last blog post..They Say It’s Your Birthday
June 20th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Clio says:
So THIS is what my mom was thinking all those years? Wow.
Clio’s last blog post..Pancake Lovin’
June 21st, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Diana says:
OMG! You are so funny! I don’t even have kids but I’m addicted to your blog. You make me crack up with your stories. This one is particulary funny. I love it!
Diana’s last blog post..Trains, Planes, Ferries and Buses
June 21st, 2008 at 1:37 pm
HRH says:
Yes. verbatim. funny!
HRH’s last blog post..Zooming in for fun…
June 21st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Jess says:
Hilarious. And yes, I have definitely had days like that and i don’t even have my own yet!
Jess’s last blog post..Sinus Infraction
June 21st, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Nat says:
Christians are so backwards.Love seeing the word fucking in the same blog as baby jesus. Great parenting, BTW.
June 22nd, 2008 at 11:54 am
Karly says:
Nat,
Well, its about time someone recognized what a great parent I am. Thank you. Sincerely.
June 22nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Bethiclaus says:
At least you didn’t then realize that it was actually Saturday and there was no VBS. That would be how I roll.
Bethiclaus’s last blog post..I Had Intended to Do Another Edition of Nerd Lust, But Under These Circumstances It Seems Inappropriate
June 22nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Ashlyn says:
Thanks for the post, but I was kind of discouraged to hear a Christian using profanity, and displaying such crudeness, especially while at the same time talking about “baby Jesus” and almost making a joke out of Him. Christians are to be the “light of the world”, and pure, blameless and peaceable, not profane, crude and blasphemous.
June 22nd, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Karly says:
Ashlyn, I’m sorry that you were discouraged to read my post, however I never stated that I was a Christian. My children go to VBS, yes, and they also go to Sunday School. Note how my mother-in-law was picking them up to take them. I don’t go to church. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe that organized religion is the way to go? No. However, I do allow my children to attend church services because they enjoy it. They will be allowed to believe what they wish and I will encourage whatever it is they choose to believe.
I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, but this is my blog and I write what I am thinking and feeling. I suggest that you don’t come back if you don’t like the language in this post, because I guarantee you won’t like a lot of my other posts for the same reason.
Thanks for the comment.
June 22nd, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Katia says:
heh. My mornings are like this too when I have to get the kids up and ready for daycare. It puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day!
Thanks for the laugh.
Katia’s last blog post..on being a role model
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:40 am
Dory says:
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Dory’s last blog post..Maybe I’d just buy the whole damn Schaumberg store.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:05 am
Linda says:
Karly,
I appreciate your candor–especially in response to the “Christian” thing. I sure as hell know a LOT of Chritians who AREN’T “pure, blameless, and peaceable”. If they’re the “light of the world”, I’d rather be in the dark. Let your M-in-law keep the darlings if she insists on them going to VBS. Hope you have a better summer when that’s over!
June 27th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Jaime says:
My hubby sent me this link. Was he trying to tell me something?!?! LOL YES YES YES I have those days!! Today was the first day back to school here and as Im ironing by daughters blouse my son is UNDER the table playing with the cat (with those NOISY ass bell balls I was stupid enough to buy the cat) and singing at the top of lungs while my 10 y/o was running around crazy cause “OMG I START MIDDLE SCHOOL TODAY AND I MUST HAVE THE RIGHT OUTFIT ON!!!” I swear she changed 3 times, all the way down to her flip flops!! All this while hubby slept (until I finally yelled CHRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS you HAVE to come get this kid!!!” talking about my son there..did I mention that 2 of the kids are on ritalin?!? Mornings are sooooo FUN. Oh and as for the VBS/Sunday school thing Im usually yelling “Id say youre not going but it seems to me like you NEED to go and learn how to treat THY MOTHER!!!!”
August 18th, 2008 at 8:52 am
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August 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm