The One Where You (yes, YOU!) Get To Kick My Husband’s Ass!

June 22, 2008 | Filed in: Cleatus is a L-O-S-E-R

My husband is so far out of the blog world that you wouldn’t even believe it. I mean, really. I, lover of all blogs, am his wife. I talk about people from blogs like they were, you know, REAL PEOPLE or something. I myself write a blog (this one, even!). I talk about ads and stats and design and comments and wordpress and all those bloggy things that we bloggers like to talk about. Still. HE DOESN’T GET IT.

He doesn’t read my blog, he doesn’t read your blog, he doesn’t BLOG. Some might say he thinks blogging is dumb, but I won’t say that, because I’m married to him and have promised to love him through sickness and health, and yes, even through differences of opinion. That means staying married when someone thinks blogging is dumb.

The point of all this is to say that Cleatus DOESN’T GET IT. He has no interest in blogging and has no idea about any of it. Which is why I was EXTRA HURT when he insulted me yesterday. And you. HE INSULTED US ALL. Because, you see, he may not know anything about blogging, but he knows EXACTLY how to offend us bloggers.

We were driving down the road and I called him a dickhead (this happens quite often if you were curious) and that led to a discussion about whether or not I was calling him the head of a dick or a dick for a head. He believes that it a head for a dick, but I explained that the majority of you commented on that post and insisted that it was the head of a dick. Brace yourselves for his response.

In a very snide and hateful tone he replied “I don’t really think that a bunch of MOMMY BLOGGERS know that much about insults. If you want to know the correct way to curse ask a SAILOR not a MOMMY BLOGGER.”

Oh, no he din’t. But, he did. He really did.

I obviously don’t mind the term mommy blogger (see my tag line) but I know that some bloggers who happen to be mothers take offense to that term. And that was my husband’s goal. To offend. THE BASTARD.

Go ahead y’all. Rip him to shreds in the comment section. He deserves it.

Bring it, you mommy bloggers.

21 Comments so far
Say It!

C doesn’t get it either. He doesn’t offend me or insult me though–he knows the wrath of KD.

Damn you Cleatus. I curse you from my computer screen as I sit in my flying pig pajamas on Sunday morning!

Katie-KD’s last blog post..Garage sales, Prozac, Parks, Comcast,Rodents and Black Lights.

My daughter is very sad that I curse so much. She says, “Please do not say godammit for the rest of the day, Mommy.” At least I am raising a superior being.

Your adorable and snarky husband is a motherfucker, but I say this very affectionately because it is such a pure and accurate word to describe him.

Also I admit to envying people who aren’t afflicted with blogitis. My neglected bookshelf hates the internet.

The Beautiful Kind’s last blog post..Deserving

Wow Cleatus, you sure stepped in it this time.

It’s kinda funny because I just wrote a piece about mommy-bloggers and how I am kinda starting to find the term a little offensive, because those that use it, use it INSULTINGLY when referring to mothers who happen to blog…

So anyhow, because I have confined myself to three swear words a day, (I had to do this because my two years old’s vocabulary was becoming rather colourful to say the least), I leave Cleatus a token of my affection, courtesy of the Little Imp…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJEKr63guuo

Auds at Barking Mad’s last blog post..Chipmunk…The Other White Meat

That scum-guzzling douchenozzle will not know what hit him in his dirty husband ass when us bitches get done with him. Fucker. He’ll be begging you to do some choreplay to get back in your good graces!

Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Internet, I’ll Miss You (sortof)

cleatus — to hades with ye!

(i cant top karen’s diatribe, which i think is awesome in the extreme, so i opted for literary’ish.)

the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: June 15-21

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . . . OK, this is where I explain why this is SO FUCKING FUNNY to me (it’s also where I reveal something to your readers that I don’t necessarily reveal to my own): I spent 2 1/2 years in the active duty military, and the particular career field that I was in is full of special operators. Don’t ask your average sailor how to cuss, ask a special ops logistician that spent several months in an undisclosed location doing shit that makes the movies seem lame.

And tell him to go fuck himself in the ass with a large pineapple.

LK’s last blog post..Poop, Soccer, and Babies

I just can’t do it. He’s way too cute, Karly. Trust me, in 20 years you will know what I mean!

Even if he is a dickhead.

Just kick him in the weiner, then do some of that sexy dirty voodoo to make him all excited.

If that ain’t a hardcore insult, I don’t know what is.

Leslie’s last blog post..What I Said About Cats Before

How Dare He??? *wink*

samcy’s last blog post..Snip of Change

wait! what? when i call my husband a dickhead…i mean a dick for a head…not the head of a dick. shit…all you non-sailors are telling me i’m wrong. crap…

hahahaah.

ali’s last blog post..some apocalypse now, some stupid teens and some camp rock

Someday the internet will get him…

On a side note, you have at least one reader who isn’t a mommy yet. Even my husband will snort milk when I share this with him. Love it!

Wow - everyone is being so nice. I was all set to tell him that we fucking bloggers know how to motherfucking swear and maybe call him a shithead cocksucker asshole. But I guess I won’t now.

Gina’s last blog post..Loudmouth Trashy Redneck Cousin

Umm, dude needs to step off.

That’s blogger speak for dick head most definitely means the head of a dick. It’s derogatory. It means all that spews from thy mouth is piss.

At least that’s what it means at my blog.

cardiogirl’s last blog post..Here’s a quarter, go buy a clue

Cleatus, while I may currently be a mommy blogger, in my youth I fucked enough sailors to know that they know jack shit about swearing - and not that much about dicks, either.

It’s the Marines who teach you to swear, you cocksucking motherfucker.

Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..You Do It Too, Right?

My husband doesn’t get it either. And I was going to try to swear but Jerseygirl89 did such a damn fine job of it I’m going to say “yeah, what she said”

I am “yeah what she said” ing Jerseygirl’s comment too. Can’t top that.

Zephra’s last blog post..Plans

Unfortunately, my Hubby is on the same wavelength as yours.

Bah-stahds.

In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..The Broken Camera Story

This Mommy also happens to be a bartender. Tell me that I know jack shit about swearing, please. I snorted coffee reading some of this, so I hope you’re all pleased.

He has obviously never EVER sat in the same vicinity as a bunch of drunk mommies, who may or may not blog. He has never been akin to women who talk a lot more shit than men could EVER dream.

Cleatus, you, dear husband of my dearest Karly, your head is so far up your ass that are quite intimate with your spleen and could probably lick your liver.

Nevertheless, your naivety does not detract from your hotness level and I would still ravage you anytime, anywhere.

Bye.

Angel’s last blog post..The reason why DVR’s should be required by law.

My husband doesn’t even read my blog. People all over the world have read it, and he doesn’t. I recently was invited to be on a national TV show because of one of my posts, and my husband watched it and said, “I didn’t know….” Really? ‘Cause all me readers knew that. They knew it a year ago when I wrote it. BECAUSE THEY READ MY BLOG!

Thanks for letting me get that off mt chest. I feel better now. Just whap your husband upside the head next time you walk by him. You’ll feel better, I promise.

the Mom’s last blog post..Haiku Friday!!!!!!!

Hello! Just found your site from An Iowa Mom and Pay it Forward Friday!
To adress you husbands concern that we are unable to cuss properly…. I will share with you my be-all, end-all cuss phrase that can be used in most any occasion.
*ahem*
Cleatus sucks the dick of a dead monkey.

In this instance, I used Cleatus’ name; but this is a a very versatile cuss phase, so dont limit its use. I find it really conveys how much someone or something sucks and does not set off the toddler ‘ohhh, mommy said a bad word’ police.

Good luck with the cussing!
Glad to meet you.

Kelley’s last blog post..Pay It Forward Friday

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