This isn’t a funny post. This isn’t going to make you giggle or snort or laugh. This also isn’t a sad post. This won’t make you cry. This post? Something completely different. It’s a post about hamburger buns. Who doesn’t love a good hamburger? Or, better yet, a good juicy CHEESEburger? Nobody! That’s who! Unless you’re a vegetarian and if that’s the case, well, I’m real sorry. Real sorry you’re gonna miss out on this most delicious experience.
I usually buy the pack of eight hamburger buns that are on sale for a dollar. I know. I’m cheap and I’m stingy and I really need to change my ways. But if I’m going to run around buying a new refrigerator every time my old one gets dirty then I have to skimp somewhere, right? Turns out that I can make my own hamburger buns that TASTE BETTER and COST LESS than those (cheap, sad, pathetic) store bought ones. You should try it too.
You probably have all the ingredients in your kitchen RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So what are you waiting for?
Sugar, all-purpose OR bread flour (I used a mixture of all purpose and wheat, but didn’t get a picture of the wheat. I forgot, okay? And bread flour would be better, but I was out. GIVE ME A BREAK.), milk, butter, eggs, salt, and active dry yeast. You’ve got all that, right? And if you’ve got some garlic powder get that out too. Halfway through making these I thought to myself “You know, I’ll bet these would be FANTASTIC with some garlic powder tossed in!” I do that a lot. It’s a sickness.
Now that you’ve got all your ingredients out and lined up, let’s get baking. Grab the bowl for your KitchenAid, or if you’re one of those sad little people that don’t yet own a KitchenAid, just grab a regular bowl. And I’m not hatin’. I was one of those sad little people up until a few months ago.
The first thing we need to do is warm up our milk. You’ll need 1 and 1/4 cups of milk heated until its warm, but not hot. If it’s too hot you’ll kill the yeast and that would be mean. If it’s too cold your yeast will just sit there and wonder what the heck your problem is and never get around to doing whatever it is that yeast is supposed to do. Stick your finger in there and test it. Just don’t forget to wash that finger first, okay?
Now dump the warm milk in your bowl along with 1 and 1/4 teaspoons of active dry yeast. If you have a packet of yeast like I did, do NOT dump in the whole thing. Measure it, man. Measure it.
Now we’re going to let our yeast “bloom.” Don’t ask me why they call it that. There will be no flowers sprouting from this bowl.
Leave it be for about ten minutes and you’ll be ready to add the rest of your ingredients. The yeast will cover the top of the milk and turn it a nice yeasty brown shade. Or something. I really don’t know what color “yeasty brown” is, but it sounds good, so let’s just go with it.
Crack your egg into a small dish and beat it.
I’m just showing off my ability to crack eggs with one hand here. Pretty cool, right? Beat your egg with a fork and then add it to your bowl of milk and yeast.
You’ll also add in 1/4 cup of sugar (this will make the buns fairly sweet, if you prefer you can use less sugar), 2 tablespoons of softened butter and a couple pinches of kosher salt. You could also use regular table salt, but I’m out. In fact, I’ve been out for about three weeks now. My husband keeps begging me to buy him some “regular damn salt,” but I’m forgetful. Besides, kosher salt makes me feel fancy.
This is the part where I decided that these would be fabulous with some garlic powder thrown in. I added about 2 tablespoons. You can add more or less (or none!) depending on how much you like garlic. You could also add in dried minced onion and turn these into onion rolls. Unfortunately I married a man who doesn’t like onion. I know. It was a mistake, but I don’t believe in divorce so I’m trying to tough it out.
Now we’re going to start mixing this together. Using your dough hook on your KitchenAid (or just use your hands), start mixing it on slow. Slowly add in 3 and 3/4 cups of flour. I used 2 cups white flour and 1 and 3/4 cup wheat. You do what you want. Make ‘em your own, man. I don’t mind.
After your dough is kneaded into submission you’ll transfer it to an oiled bowl to rise until doubled. Your dough should be sticky when you touch it, but not glopping off on your fingers. You want to feel some resistance when you pull your fingers away, but the dough shouldn’t come too, ya know?
Put your ball of dough into an oiled bowl and roll it all around to coat the dough. Cover the bowl with a clean towel and leave it to rise until doubled, about an hour. If you’re like me you’ll put the bowl in your oven. I think it rises faster in there. This may or may not be true, but thats what I choose to believe, okay?
See that? That’s doubled. I think. I’m real bad with math. Either way, I’m tired of waiting and it’s nearly time for lunch. Let’s make some dang hamburger buns. Ready for the fun to start?
Punch your dough. Punch it hard. Just once. Don’t go beating it up, just punch it once to show it whose boss. Now that your dough knows who is in charge, we’ll make us some hamburger buns.
Normal people would probably flour their counter top a bit and roll this dough out before they let it rise. They would roll it out, cut it, and THEN let it rise. I’m not normal, but if you are, you go ahead and do just that. Roll it to about 3/4 of an inch thick, grab a biscuit cutter (yeah, I don’t have one of those either.) and cut your buns out. Put ‘em on a greased pan, let them rise for about an hour and then pop ‘em in a 350 degree oven.
If you are NOT normal then you’ll understand what I mean when I say that I avoid flouring my counter tops at all costs. It’s messy and it puts me in a bad mood. I just broke chunks of dough off, shaped them into a ball and flattened them out a bit with the palm of my hand. It’s not perfect, but it works.
Pop your buns into your pre-heated 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes. They should get nice and brown and crusty. Crusty. That just doesn’t sound good, does it? But, when it comes to buns, crusty is good. Trust me.
And would ya quit inspecting my oven? It’s not clean, okay? I know it’s not clean, you know it’s not clean, everyone knows that my oven is not clean. Let’s just move on.
Ooh, look! The buns are done! And it’s about time, too.
Now you’re ready to eat! Hope you’ve got a cheeseburger nearby. I loaded mine up with ketchup, mustard, lettuce and tomato. My husband? He put peanut butter on his. And while he was doing that I was reminding myself that I don’t believe in divorce, I don’t believe in divorce, I don’t…
I’m sorry. What was I saying? Something about cheeseburgers and divorce. I’m afraid I got distracted by that big beautiful burger up there.
My buns came out pretty dense, but I liked them that way. (Get your mind outta the gutter.) If you prefer a lighter, airier bun then you should definitely stick with bread flour. If you like your bun to be pretty darn substantial then go right ahead and be like me. I’m a pretty cool girl in case you didn’t know.
Now get outta here and make yourself a cheeseburger. You deserve it after listening to me ramble on for so long.
Homemade Hamburger Buns
- 1 1/4 cups milk (around 80 degrees F)
- 1 egg, beaten
- 2 tablespoons butter, softened
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 3 pinches of salt
- 3 3/4 cups bread flour
- 1 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
- garlic powder, to taste
- oil for oiling the bowl
Heat the milk to around 80 degrees, add yeast. Let mixture rest about 10 minutes. Add sugar, salt, butter, beaten egg and garlic powder (optional). Knead with hands or using a dough hook on a stand mixer until dough is soft and smooth. Oil a bowl and roll the dough to coat all sides with oil. Let rise until doubled, about an hour. Punch dough down, break off pieces into whatever size bun you would prefer. A bit larger than an egg will give you a standard size bun. Shape your dough pieces into balls and flatten into discs. Let rise another 30 minutes and bake in a 350 degree oven for 15 minutes or until done. Slice and enjoy!
David King says:
I bet I DONT have the proper ingredients already in my kitchen. Unless you can macguyver them with a bunch of moldy stuff
David King’s last blog post..Why UPS never delivers my packages!
June 28th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Dad says:
What a great post! Love the photos, and the buns look terrific. A recipe with the fun and sarcastic humor of Wiping Up Snot. You may have just changed our plans today… where’s that yeast again?
Dad’s last blog post..New Mystery
June 29th, 2008 at 5:58 am
candygirlflies says:
AWESOME, Karly! Way to go! And the pics are fantastic… Now git yer butt up here, and show me how to photograph MY food, will ya??
xoxo CGF
ps. Um… you know they sell Hamburger Buns at Walmart, right? But undoubtedly, no where near as tasty as yours. And, of course, the bonus of making them at home is: You get to punch something, too!!
candygirlflies’s last blog post..Ice cream.
June 29th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Mary Jo says:
Delightful post - humourous, educational, practical…
Loved it!
MJ
June 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Katie-KD says:
OOOO My domestic side wants to try those (and that doesn’t happen very often!)
Katie-KD’s last blog post..How to torture your two and a half year old.
June 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Angie says:
OK, Who are you and what’d you do with Karly? LOL
Great post, girl! Very clever, posting with the pix and all. I assume you’ve already added “clever” to your list of talents (including your vagina making a deaf/mute man speak)?
I, also, can crack eggs one-handed, and some people just seem to find that impressive. (I started practicing after watching Little House and seeing “Carolyn Ingalls” do it; I couldn’t be bested by Mrs. Ingalls, after all. Sad, I know. And good grief, I’m old.)
My youngest son, age 3, doesn’t like cheeseburgers for some reason. He’s kind of abnormal anyhow, likes weird shit like green beans and BROCCOLI (he also likes Cheetos and Mountain Dew, so who knows WTF is going on with his tastebuds, that he doesn’t like cheesburgers).
I love home-making stuff, it’s the greatest. Have a great weekend, my dear, and a great holiday if I don’t come by and irritate you some more before then since I actually managed to get something I heard rumors about, called “a vacation,” and am heading to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula (and MIGHT return).
Angie’s last blog post..Evolving Standards of Decency/My Delusion
June 29th, 2008 at 10:09 am
noble pig says:
I have always wanted to make my own buns! This looks easy…thanks for the recipe.
noble pig’s last blog post..My Kids Think I’m a Genius
June 29th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Jennyhaha says:
Oh my gosh! Are you freaking kidding me??? I don’t even want to toast the cheap buns I already have. You’re making yours from scratch??? I thought this post wasn’t supposed to make me cry!
BTW, baby toes is up, my friend.
Jennyhaha’s last blog post..Ask And It Shall Be Given…
June 29th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Karly says:
Candygirlflies, Would you like to hear my super secret food photography tip? If you don’t have a tripod (like me) use the end of your broom or mop to prop your camera on and steady it. I felt like such a dork in the kitchen, propping my camera on my mop and taking pictures of dough balls.
Thankfully my husband wasn’t home to witness it.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Karly says:
Katie, Homemade buns are good and all, but if you’re only gonna be domestic every now and again then you should really save it for something chocolate and gooey.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Karly says:
Angie,
So I’ve shocked you with the sudden transformation from girl who talks about her vagina on the internet to girl who talks about her buns on the internet?
My son doesn’t like macaroni and cheese, so I feel for you on the kid not liking kid food thing. It sucks, huh? You could always use these for sloppy joes, barbecue, or any kind of sandwich. You know…if you’re feeling bakey and have a little time.
Enjoy your vacation! I’ll be sitting at home being jealous.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Karly says:
Jennyhaha, If I had four kids under the age of four I am certain that I would be proud of myself just for having store bought buns in the house. I’m pretty sure it would be pizza delivery every night for the first few years of that. And thank you for the baby toes. I’m heading over to check them out right now.
June 29th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Marie says:
Love it!!! I wish all recipes came with the great commentary! Saving this for the next cookout!! The kids will be grateful when I can whip up some buns rather than make them cut up their cheeseburgers to fit on the leftover hotdog buns (cause, seriously, I am NOT loading up 3 kids to go get some buns).
Marie’s last blog post..The Island…
June 29th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
samcy says:
Those look DELISH!!! YUM! Think I might just try it out - BUT I would HAVE to buy the ingredients for sure
samcy’s last blog post..5 Things That Shaped My Life
June 30th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Kerri says:
Eww, eww,eww,eww,eww. Not the buns. They look yummylicious. But did you seriously say PB on a burger? Blech. Bald Man puts it on waffles and pancakes and cinnamon rolls that already have that delicious icing on it. However, I’ve never seen him use it on a meat product. He will not be allowed to see this post.
June 30th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Karly says:
Kerri,
I know! He heard about some restaurant that serves them that way and he had to test it out. He really liked it, my son said it was his favorite burger after he took a bite out of it and yes, I even tasted. It actually wasn’t bad. It’s not something I would do normally, but it wasn’t too terrible. Most people do bacon and mayo along with the pb and THAT is gross. Mayo and pb…that’s just wrong.
Try it out though, it’s not as bad as it sounds.
June 30th, 2008 at 8:02 am
erin says:
I don’t cook, but I’m going to put my daughter on this immediately!!!
June 30th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Jerseygirl89 says:
Thank God I love you already, because normally domestic goddesses scare me.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..He’s STILL Fine
June 30th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
baseballmom says:
My god, woman…you’re good! I don’t think I could motivate myself enough, but those look fabulous. Ya know, I couldn’t live without peanut butter, but never on a meat product unless it’s traveled off my pancakes onto the bacon by accident. A friend’s kid likes cheese and jelly sandwiches…WTHell?
baseballmom’s last blog post..Hmmmm….
June 30th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Ewwwwww, after reading all the comments and your replies I finally got it…he put PEANUT BUTTER on the bun WITH the hamburger. I just can’t get past that. Meat and peanuts - squidgy peanuts at that. Um nope, not happening.
Alas, I have NO patience when it comes to bread making. But I might be tempted to get the dough going in the breadmaker and then try it. Besides I’m too lazy to lug my ancient KitchenAide down from the shelf it’s on.
BTW, I’m loving your photos! You are fast learner grasshoppa.
Auds at Barking Mad’s last blog post..Chipmunk…The Other White Meat
July 1st, 2008 at 11:34 am
Kim says:
I thought I remembered something about peanut butter on a burger in a movie so I searched and all I could find was this….http://youtube.com/watch?v=1nImreAY3RY…terrible eh? Anyways, I have attempted to make my own buns before and they came out more like dinner rolls. You have totally alerted me to my bun problem…shape them like buns and they will be buns! I’ll tell you what, I’m a sharp one! I’ll give it another try, lol. Have a good one!
Kim’s last blog post..I’m Either a Bad Dishwasher or a Gourmet Cook
July 1st, 2008 at 3:42 pm
A Mom Anonymous says:
Who’s cooking for who next week? hmmmmmm I think I win.
A Mom Anonymous’s last blog post..Bye Bye!
July 1st, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Oh, look! Another poll. | Wiping Up Snot says:
[...] hamburger buns post. Did ya like? I have lots of fun recipes that I’d like to share, but I’m not sure [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Avoid One Thing » Blog Archive » Hamburger Buns: You Can Do It, Man! says:
[...] Hamburger Buns: You Can Do It, Man! I was one of those sad little people up until a few months ago. The first thing we need to do … what I mean when I say that I avoid flouring my [...]
July 5th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Loose Meat Yum! « I Married A Country Boy says:
[...] sauce of choice. Now as far as buns go, I have totally forgotten to pick some up. Go right on over here to check out the recipe that has inspired me to try making my own buns again. She is very funny and [...]
July 6th, 2008 at 10:44 am
Leslie says:
Girl, what can’t you do? Fabulous post. I’ll have to try your buns sometime.
Leslie’s last blog post..The Wedding Quilt
July 8th, 2008 at 9:44 pm