Not Yo’ Mama’s Deviled Eggs

Everyone has a deviled egg recipe, I know. You are looking at me and rolling your eyes saying “Seriously? Deviled eggs? I don’t need no stinkin’ recipe for deviled eggs.” And I am looking at you and rolling my eyes and saying “Oh, but you do. You need THIS recipe, in fact.” And now you are looking at me and nodding and saying “Oh. Okay. Well, let’s get started then.”

Right! Let’s get started!

You will need eggs, mayonnaise (not that sweet salad dressing crap, either), mustard, tabasco, salt, paprika, pepper, bacon, cheddar cheese, and vinegar. I know. Quite the list of ingredients, but trust me. All these ingredients combine together to make something beautiful.

I’m only making these for my little family, so I’ll only be boiling five eggs. I really only need four, but it’s always a good idea to boil up one extra. You’ll see why. Oh yes, you will.

Put you eggs in your pot, fill it with water and pop it on the stove. Bring your water to a boil and let it continue to boil for a good ten or fifteen minutes depending on how done you want your eggs. Me? I like mine COOKED. I have a hard enough time eating eggs (sweet little baby chickens!), so if I’m going to do it, then darn it, they better be cooked to death. I also put a lid on them after I turn off the heat and let them sit for another ten minutes or so.

While your eggs are boiling, get out a small bowl and we’ll start mixing up the good stuff. I don’t use a measuring cup when I’m making deviled eggs, because really, why make the extra mess? It’s easier to just eyeball it. For five eggs I used about a half a cup of mayo, a squirt of mustard, a couple dashes of tabasco, a pinch or two of salt, a grind or two of black pepper, and a tablespoon or so of white vinegar. Stir it all up and taste it and then adjust as needed. You really can’t mess this up.

Now put that bowl in the fridge and let the flavors all blend together.

While we’re waiting let’s fry up the bacon. I used about four slices, but then I ended up eating a slice. What I’m saying is be smart, make extra.

Hmm, my bacon stuck to my pan for some reason and now it’s all deformed. That’s okay, though! I don’t mind! Sure, it’s totally ruined my picture, but WHATEVER.

You know what else ruined my picture? The fact that I wandered off and forgot the dang bacon. I burnt the heck out of it. If this happens to you, just pick off the edible parts, eat them, and throw the rest in the garbage. It’s okay. It happens to everyone. Right?

But, wait! Who’s going to clean that pan for me? Anyone? Bueller?

Since nobody was handy to scrub that pan (and I certainly wasn’t in the mood to do it) I just stuck some more bacon in the microwave. Microwaved bacon is my favorite anyway. It always comes out evenly cooked and it’s pretty difficult to burn.

Crumble that bacon up in to small pieces. You want them pretty small, since they’ll be in the filling for the eggs. Now go ahead and lick all that bacon grease off your fingers. I won’t tell.

There’s nothing left to do that doesn’t involve the eggs, so let’s go get ‘em, shall we? Run them under cold water to cool them off and then peel them. Carefully.

That egg right there is the reason I always boil one extra. I just can’t peel eggs without demolishing at least one of them. But, have no fear, that egg won’t go to waste! We’ll still use the yolk and even some of the white. We don’t want skimpy eggs and this will ensure we have plenty of filling to go around. It will also ensure that there is a spoonful left for the cook to shovel into her mouth. Told ya there was a reason for boiling an extra egg.

Now get to work slicing those eggs in half lengthwise. Pop the yolk out into a small bowl and arrange your whites on a place.

Can you see the sprinkling of egg whites mixed in with the yolks? I’m sneaky like that. Just take your fork and start mashing.

After you’ve got your eggs all mashed up, dump in the mayo concoction we made earlier and stir it all up. Dump in your bacon crumbs and a handful of shredded cheddar. Mix it all up and thank the Lord for bacon and cheese.

Spoon your filling in to the egg whites and marvel at the beauty. You could eat this now, but they’ll likely still be a little warm. I prefer my deviled eggs cold, so I stick them in the fridge for a bit before eating. Just don’t forget to sprinkle ‘em with some paprika before serving. They’re so much prettier that way.

Not Yo’ Mama’s Deviled Eggs

5 eggs

1/2 cup Mayo

1 Tbsp. Mustard

1 Tbsp. Vinegar

Tabasco, to taste

Salt and pepper, to taste

4 slices bacon

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Boil eggs about 15 minutes. Cover pan and allow to sit in hot water for another 10 minutes. Meanwhile, mix together mayo, mustard, vinegar, tabasco and salt and pepper. Cook and crumble bacon. When the eggs are done, peel them and slice them in half lengthwise. Scoop out the yolk into a small bowl and put whites on a plate. Using a fork, mash the yolks and one of the whites. Pour the mayo mixture in with the egg yolks and stir together. Add in the crumbled bacon and shredded cheese. Combine and then scoop in to egg whites. Sprinkle with paprika and enjoy.