Things I Have Learned While Deep Cleaning This Hell Hole

July 21, 2008 | Filed in: Wanna buy my house?

Cleaning is not the boring task I thought it was. I am actually thinking and learning and growing as a person. See what I mean:

Walls are a waste of space. All they do is stand there and collect dust. In my new home I will not have any walls.
If you are unfortunate enough to have walls in your home you should wash them more than once every 8 years. Because look! Shiny! My bathroom walls are GLOWING.
Cabinets with doors are a no-no. The only reason you need a door is so that you can hide what is inside because what is inside those closed doors is OLD and USELESS and OH LOOK! ONE OF CINDY-LU’S PACIFIERS FROM 3 YEARS AGO! No. More. Cabinets.
Should you decide to paint three rooms the same neutral color you should buy just enough paint for ONE room just to be sure you are going to like the color. Do not buy SEVEN MOTHERFUCKING GALLONS of FLESH COLORED PAINT and just assume that it will look nice. Flesh colored paint does not look nice. Also, it is hard to sleep when you can not stop chanting “It rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again.”
10 hours of painting is TOO MANY HOURS.
My husband is a much harder worker than I am. I already knew that, though.
If you write a list of things for your husband to complete and add sex at the end of the list, you can rest assured that he will be quite annoyed when you immediately start your period after showing him the list.
An 8 year anniversary with no sex seems somehow fitting. It’s been 8 loooong years. Why would we have sex with each other?
I kinda want to have sex.
FLESH COLORED WALLS.
Secret Clinical Strength deodorant is TEH AWESOME.

Now I need to go put some real clothes on and take my babies out for pizza. I kinda missed them this weekend. Also? Am hungry.

18 Comments so far
Say It!

I don’t even know what to say other than I’m jumping up an down and jiggin’ all over because I’m the first to leave a comment for once! WHO-HOO! You are so fucking popular and get like a million comments and I always seem like the last one to show up at the party.

But now! I’M FIRST! WHOOT!!!

Anyway, your list is awesome. I have nothing to say that could possibly be any better than that awesome fucking list. And, I just finished my period so I will totally have sex with your husband for you, until you are well again:) My pleasure.

Angel’s last blog post..When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained - Mark Twain

Mmmmm! Flesh coloured!!!

My husband is also a much harder worker than I am. To me that is an indication that he should do a greater portion of the work. It’s biology, man!

Yay for 8 year anniversaries. Mine is also in a few weeks. I’ll probably have my period then, too. Just for shits and giggles. Like I did on the day of my wedding. Awesome.

Shannon’s last blog post..oh to the vee to the ER-WHELMED

There’s a store at our mall that has a shirt that Says “it puts the lotion…” with a picture of Buffalo Bill looking down the well. Awesome beyond all belief. I have to have that shirt.

I agree with the no cabinets. I just threw out $20 worth of carpet deodorizer that got wet under my kitchen sink. That makes me feel kind of stabby.

Debby’s last blog post..Excuse Me

I’m painting my bedroom this weekend and now you have me all worried b/c I think my color may also be… flesh…

that girl’s last blog post..Hiatus and I mean Business. I think.

[...] you write a list of things for your husband to complete and add sex at the end of the list, you can rest assured that he will [...]

This is why you should get pregnant before you promise your husband sex. No periods to contend with.

There is, however, the niggling point of having a child at the end of the nine months. And if you don’t want any more of those, you should promptly ignore my advice.

LK’s last blog post..Deutschland, Part 1 (Berlin)

I’m just so damn bummed I was leashed by my family and couldn’t meet up with you. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll give you a little rundown - we saw fireworks in the park by the stadium. Stupid us out-of-towners brought a cooler full and then were told “It’s a dry park.” Oh I was bummin’ And there was a freaking tree in the way (we were just out from the skate park thingy). I had to steer the kids away from the used condoms laying on the grass near the lake. Um, yeah. I ignored the “what is that mom?”.
I ate a huge ass catfish at Kelly’s - isn’t that close to you? Out past Wal Mart? I never did make it to your Wal Mart. In fact, I never stepped foot in a Wal Mart the whole time I was there!
We bought our own fireworks at the little stand at the other side of the bridge on 9 - by the railroad tracks and the smokestacks DS loves to watch. Fireworks at 100% illegal here - even sparklers.
And YES I ate at Emo’s a bunch of times. DS wants his picture on the wall as “The NUMBER ONE FAN of Emo’s.” He thought we were the COOLEST because we just walked in the back door and got free food. Helps having family own it.
We ate at Avanti’s a couple of times. By far, DS’s favorite was Steak n Shake. We don’t have them here. He ate a ton.
We did go out to WLPP and NO ONE was there. It was after a day of a HUGE rainstorm and it was soggy and muddy and we saw ALL of the animals and NO people. It was awesome. DD went down the giant slide on waxed paper.
Next time, I promise, I won’t be guilted by my 1,000 family members and we WILL meet up!

Wow, without walls and cabinet doors your new house will be almost free.

noble pig’s last blog post..Rose Colored Glasses

Flesh sounds nice.

The sound of that word even creeps me out. Flesh.

I love the idea of a wall-less and cabinet-less house.

And just because I haven’t said it here in a long time: Femullet, Femullet, Femullet, Femullet, Femullet, Femullet, Femullet, Femullet.

Ha!

sam’s last blog post..For Your Editing Pleasure

I’m tired after reading all this. You’ve been busy.

Maybe I’ll think twice about the colour we’ve picked out for the kitchen. It’s called Terra Cotta but it’s looks a bit fleshy to me.

Gee thanks for the Wild Bill visual. I’ll sleep real well tonight. *lol* But then, even that’s better than the spiders we’re dealing with.

Auds’s last blog post..Sleep? Not a Chance!

I think you’ve cleaned enough for the both of us and I can take a break and not clean my house today.

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..A New Earth? That’s Good Since The Old Earth Is Insane.

reason #487 why i *heart* you: you quote from Silence of the Lambs while talking about wall painting. awesome.

ali’s last blog post..i will never learn…and i suffer from the wonk-eye

I am embarking on a painting project in the coming weeks. I am so not looking forward to it now. Will not go with flesh color, though… you have steered me away from that!

But paint is cheap! So REPAINT! It is the way of the force, young Jedi.

Nan’s last blog post..We’re Home! Where The Heart Is!

It could be worse than flesh colored paint. When we moved into our house, all the walls were PINK. BRIGHT PINK. With PINE CONE wall border.

It was not good.

Julia’s last blog post..The Post Where I Curse A Lot

Crap that reminds me I need to clean because my friend is coming over. And I need to shower. Why am I still sitting here…

Katie-KD’s last blog post..SGRT: Road Trek Recap–Beware of KD in a Bikini

That’s about the funniest shit I’ve read in a while. Sounds like something that happened to me just last week when I attempted (and did a half-assed job) of painting the bathroom cranberry red. Oooohhhh!!!!!

Ashley’s last blog post..Vomit, Butter and Coffee.

Wow, you’re motivated. Want to come to my house next?

Leslie’s last blog post..Brain Worms

RSS feed for comments on this post.

TrackBack URI

Leave a comment
Be nice, yo. Nobody likes a hater.