Thanks to everyone for crying and sighing and whining and just generally being a big ol’ baby with me when my hard drive crashed. I’m sad to report that the computer guy can’t recover the pictures. THE PICTURES OF MY BABIES. I am, however, taking it somewhere else for a second opinion. Because I am stubborn and hopeful and did I mention that we are talking about PICTURES OF MY BABIES? I don’t care if I have to open that motherfucker up myself and scrape the images off with my teeth, I’ll do it, man! I really will! Also? I have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to data recovery. I’m pretty sure that teeth and scraping are not involved though. But, I’m willing to give it a shot!
In other more happy news, we are getting OH SO CLOSE to putting our house on the market. On Saturday I replaced our two bedroom windows ALL BY MYSELF. It was a lot of work and much of it was difficult and hard and involved me saying shitfuckdamn! but I got the job done. Cleatus just stood around and took photos of it. He’s so useless. I don’t even know why I keep him around.
Oh, that’s right. It’s so that I can laugh at the way he sticks his tongue out whenever he concentrates. His children do it as well. I like to make fun of them for it, too. It’s kind of neat, though, the way different characteristics pass down from father to child. I wonder what strand of DNA contains the “concentration tongue” characteristic. Or something. I don’t even know if that sentence made sense. DNA isn’t my thing, in case you couldn’t tell.
Back to the windows.
As I was saying, I sat around and took pictures while Cleatus did all the work. I’m useless. I don’t even know why he keeps me around.
I’m sure you are wondering why both of the windows in our bedroom needed replaced. I’ll tell you why. Because Cleatus is dumb. And so am I! You see, about 5 years ago we had one of those Easy Set pools with the blow up ring around the top. Cleatus, my friend and I were out back lounging around in the pool. Cleatus got tired of us asking if his wiener was floating, so he came in the house. We looked up from the pool to see him standing at the window in our bedroom. Before my friend or I knew what was happening he was mooning us! He pressed his wet, bare butt up against the window and wiggled it back and forth. AND CRACKED THE WINDOW WITH HIS ASS. I just don’t know about him. He’s wild and crazy and completely insane. So, what I’m saying is that for the last 5 years we’ve had a window with a big crack in it. Not to worry, though! My resourceful husband just slapped some masking tape across the crack to hold us over until we had the time, inclination, and money to replace the window. Masking tape…it’s an amazing thing.
The other window didn’t so much crack as, well, shatter into a million pieces when I happened to THROW AN OSCILLATING FAN through it. I was angry, okay? And then I went to the doctor a couple days later and he put me on anti-depressant and told me to breathe deeply and maybe not throw any more fans. True story. THAT happened about 2 years ago. So, we’ve been living for 2 years with the bottom portion of one window cracked and the bottom portion of the other window completely missing. Thank goodness for masking tape and storm windows!
Cleatus worked hard to get us some new windows installed. I worked hard to take all these pictures. Those cameras are heavy, you know. I also think I sprained my index finger from pushing down the shutter so often.
Even with all the work I was doing, Cleatus still expected me to come and help with the window. See above re: useless. Him, not me.
Oh, look! We did it! There isn’t any window at all! You wouldn’t believe the number of flies that come in your bedroom when you have a big hole in your wall.
Our work wasn’t done yet, though. And Cleatus knew it. He didn’t look real happy about it either.
Before he got back to work, though, he decided to take off one of his shirts. He knows how to work the camera, doesn’t he? Also? The tongue.
About that time he ordered me to put the camera down and help him out. He’s such a slave driver. I was just trying to DOCUMENT THE PRECIOUS MEMORIES, but nooooo. He wanted to see me sweat.
He looks awful satisfied with himself there, doesn’t he? He had just completed the first window and was admiring his work. I don’t have an actual picture of the new window, because, well…it’s just a window. Use your imagination.
kelli says:
I might have left that cracked window there for all time just so I could say SEE! You broke that with your ASS! I’d fix the fan window though. Because I’ve been there too and you don’t want a visual reminder of those times.
Cleatus is so cute.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
LK says:
He broke it with his ASS???
That’s awesome. I hope you have/had pictures of the broken window for posterity.
LK’s last blog post..So. You Want More Germany?
August 4th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
baseballmom says:
Sux about the computer, and the preshussss pictures. Damn. But that man of yours is so hawt!
baseballmom’s last blog post..It’s good…
August 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Jill (CDJ) says:
How cute is your husband!?!?! Where was that camera when his ass was plastered to the window? That’s something we’d all want to see.
Sorry about your pictures, but good luck with your second opinion.
And I wish you much good real estate karma and a quick and painless selling process. I was in the thick of home selling hell last summer and it wasn’t pretty. Hope you have a better time of it than we did.
Jill (CDJ)’s last blog post..Blog the Recession
August 4th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Shannon says:
My daughter does the tongue thing too, as does her daddy and his mother. I think it’s cute when my daughter does it but not so much the hubby and the MIL.
And can I just say that I was all prepared to be “OMG! You installed a WINDOW? By YOURSELF??? You are MY HERO!!!” But the pics are cool too.
Shannon’s last blog post..in the blink of an eye
August 4th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Suzi says:
I am still laughing, first at you asking if Cletus’s wiener is floating, and then at him cracking the window with his crack! What a funny, funny, post! And I agree—Cletus is a cutie!
August 4th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
noble pig says:
I’m sorry about your pics, that is the WORST!
noble pig’s last blog post..A Classic Turned Fuzzy
August 4th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
sam (temptingmama) says:
that’s awesomebecause from now on you get to say – remember when you broke that window with your ASS?!
Hahaha!
sam (temptingmama)’s last blog post..Sold!
August 4th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Leslie says:
You are hilarious and I love you. I really want to marry you. But, I’m not sure I could lure you away from a husband that’s cute and handy and has an ass that can break glass.
Leslie’s last blog post..Haiku Buckaroo III: Haiku With A Vengeance
August 4th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
much more than a mom says:
Seriously? Ass window breaking and floating wieners? I need to be your neighbour.
Sooo sorry to hear about your pics – good luck with the tooth scraping n’ stuff!
much more than a mom’s last blog post..Notes On The Chalkboard*
August 4th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
David King says:
http://seekingalpha.com/wp-content/seekingalpha/images/JordanMichaelTongueOut.JPG
He totally stole the concentration tongue. It’s been done
David King’s last blog post..Memories
August 5th, 2008 at 12:40 am
lisa says:
When our hard drive crashed and our computer guy couldn’t retrieve anything, we sent it off somewhere to a clean room. They were able to get the pictures of my precious babies, but it cost us $800. If you want to contact me, I can get the name of the company that did it.
August 5th, 2008 at 6:36 am
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly says:
My hubby makes kind of an “O” shape/kissy face when he concentrates, Muirne does it too. It’s really funny. Congrats on the new window and I hope you can get your pictures recovered! Just so you know I made cd’s of all my pictures after I read your post. I said I would do it and I did. Good luck!
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly’s last blog post..Karate Chopping the Wizard of Oz in the Nova
August 5th, 2008 at 8:09 am
In the Trenches of Mommyhood says:
Yeah, my Hubby and all 3 boyz have the tongue thing going on too. Is it a guy thing?
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..The Beach Incident
August 5th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Zephra says:
That has got to be one of my favorite posts from you. I laughed all the way though.
August 5th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Angel says:
This post is like Christmas morning… one great gift after another! In this case, my fantasy man Cleatus. YUMMY!!!!!
Angel’s last blog post..How come I can’t come up with clever titles like the rest of you?
August 5th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
If only you had taken such great photos when Cleatus broke the window with his ass. Just sayin’.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Newsflash: Rubber Gets Hot In The Sun
August 5th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Kristin says:
OMG. He broke the window with his ASS? HAHAHAHA! Sorry
Yeah. The “tongue thing” is a genetic trait that all men share, and somehow pass along to their children. Isn’t it charming?
Kristin’s last blog post..Cage Fighting
August 5th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Nan says:
In you next house, you need some really good doors that you can SLAM when you are vexed. Good, solid doors.
Nan’s last blog post..Cute Baby Giveaway!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Texan Mama says:
So did any visitors ever ask, How did you get that crack in your window? And you replied When my husband was showing off HIS crack.
Ba-dum-bum. (rim shot) Thanks you’ve been a great audience.
You should have kept that window for posterity. memories of his posterior.
Rim shot.
Texan Mama’s last blog post..No More Boring Breakfast!
August 5th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
A Mom Anonymous says:
Ok, NOW the title makes sense. Please tell me you were drinking at the time of the floating weiner and ass cracking window incident….
A Mom Anonymous’s last blog post..They fight, but they do love each other
August 6th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Gala says:
Are you my long lost twin? Are you in your mid 30’s…originally born in Illinois?? If so….I think we might be twins!! Seriously dear…
Gala
ps..i nominated you for an award.
Gala’s last blog post..Pink Rose Award
August 6th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Auds says:
LOL @ Texan Mama… that was brilliant!
I think it must be a “guy thing” – the tongue hanging out – hubby does it and so do my boys.
Auds’s last blog post..I Fell in Love all Over Again
August 6th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Karly says:
Testing…
August 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
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Seeing The Moon Through My Window Or Some Other Nonsense | Outdoor Ceiling Fans says:
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May 31st, 2009 at 11:00 am