Let’s discuss the English language, shall we? There are some sayings that I just do not like. They make me want to punch people. For example, when people are talking about something and they say “Just a little bit of…” and then they say “but a lot a bit of…”
“A lot a bit?” Are you fucking kidding me? That doesn’t even make sense. Why can’t you say “A little bit of salt, and a lot of pepper.” I do not want a lot a bit of pepper. I don’t even know if it is “a lot A bit” or “a lot OF bit.” It doesn’t make sense either way you say it and I JUST DON’T LIKE IT, IF YOU SAY IT AGAIN I WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR STUPID HEAD, OKAY?
And how about “anywayS.” Yes, with an “S” at the end. That isn’t even a word! And, yet, I find myself saying it sometimes! “So, anyways, we…” Gah.
But, here is the kicker, y’all. There is SOMEONE that I am rather close to and talk to quite often. I will not name names because, well, I’m nicer than that. Anyway(s), this person says “don’t” when they should say “doesn’t.”
I know, I know. You are thinking that don’t sound like a big deal and I’m screaming IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A BIG DEAL, JESUS H. CHRIST, DOES NOT! DOES NOT! DOES NOT! But, obviously, it is a big deal. This person (whom I love dearly) (obviously) (or I would never speak to them again) has done this FOREVER, and I go through little spurts where I don’t notice it, but then after a few months I start noticing it again and I have to literally BITE MY TONGUE to keep from screaming.
It really ISN’T a big deal and I rarely ever correct them (sometimes I JUST CAN’T HELP MYSELF), but lately? Lately I have noticed MYSELF saying don’t when I should be saying doesn’t. I will be talking and before I’ve gotten the word “don’t” out I’m already thinking to myself NOOOOO, DON’T YOU DARE DO IT, DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT! YOU SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH, YOU STUPID SLUT!, but by then I’ve already said “don’t” and I feel horrible about myself. Just horrible. And slutty, too!
I used to work with a lady who, I SWEAR TO GOD, must have slept through every damn English class she ever took. I was constantly correcting her and eventually she flipped out and total me to shut the fuck up, she could say whatever she wanted to say however she wanted to say it. I totally deserved her little rant at me, but MOTHER FUCK! WOULD YOU JUST TRY TO SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH? YOU ARE MAKING MY EARS BLEED!
Are you a grammar cop too? Or do you just let people be?
Oh, and I know I’m not perfect. I start sentences with “and” and “but” and I end sentences with prepositions (though, apparently, there is no actual rule stating you aren’t supposed to do that). I’m sure I mispronounce words and use incorrect language a lot. I just like to judge other people for their mistakes okay? Let’s all ignore mine.
Texan Mama says:
Hello Officer.
My pet peeves of citizens infractions are:
supposebly (when it should be Supposedly). Even Joey had trouble with this one on “Friends”
Also, I like George W. Bush but I can not STAND that he says Nuke-you-ler. Sarah Palin says it too.
FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU ARE THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. SAY IT RIGHT ALREADY!!!
Say it with me folks…
“Nuke, lee, er”
There, and I didn’t have to scratch anybody’s eyes out.
Texan Mamas last blog post..Baby Got Back
September 17th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Chelle says:
Total grammar cop here.
Often, my son say “what” when he should say “that” and I have to resist the urge to strangle him. Luckily, I remind myself that I went through twelve hours of hard labor without drugs just to bring his illiterate ass into this world and I refrain.
But, I correct him EVERY TIME.
Chelles last blog post..
September 17th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Zephra says:
I’m sorry but I have to correct you. You said
“It really ISN’T a big deal and I rarely ever correct them”
I think you meant AIN’T instead of ISN’T.
Zephras last blog post..Our trip to see Dad
September 17th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Jill (CDJ) says:
Oh, I am sooooooo a grammar cop! I even edit books as I’m reading them. My biggest grammar peeve? Irregardless (THAT IS NOT A WORD!)
Jill (CDJ)s last blog post..WTF? Wednesday - On Hiatus
September 17th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Eternal Sunshine says:
Oh - you have got me going!! My husband says “fustrated”
No matter how much I correct him, he refuses to acknowledge that “R” Grrr.
And I had a boss once that said irregardless EVERY DAMN DAY. It was all I could do to not scream at him “THAT IS NOT A WORD, YOU MORON!!!”
I could go on and on, but it’s rude to hijack a blog, I’ve heard…
Loved this post, though.
Eternal Sunshines last blog post..The return of the weekend update.
September 17th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Cameron says:
Loose / Lose
No dumbass, you did not LOOSE the bet. You LOSE the bet, you don’t LOOSE it. Why is this one so hard for people?
September 17th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Kristin says:
My friends called me Grammar Girl in college (I WAS an English major). Let’s see: Libary instead of Library. Makes me INSANE.
Kristins last blog post..Attitude Adjustment
September 17th, 2008 at 10:03 am
baseballmom says:
HAHAHA! Yep, I’m the same way. I HATE nu-ku-lar too, and I hate ‘flustrated’, and irregardless, and I have noticed a LOT of people improperly using the word myself, like “myself and john went to…”. Misspelling also drives me insane. I guess it’s just one of those things for me, and for a lot of other people. If I go to a new blog, and see misspelled words, I never go there again, because I know it will drive me crazy so I don’t WANT to like their writing. OH, one more thing…my husband is notorious for saying certain phrases wrong, like ‘off the back’ instead of ‘off the bat’. I HATE IT.
baseballmoms last blog post..Wake me when it’s over
September 17th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Carmen says:
Oh, I hear you. Here’s a few examples from my life. My dad says “It don’t make no difference” and “I seen”. Makes we want to strangle him. My father-in-law pronounces library as “li-bare-ee” - I want to scream at him that there are two Rs in that word, please use them both! I also edit books when reading them; most authors have problems using the subjunctive tense properly and I notice it every single time. Nuke-you-ler also drives me batty. Lastly, my husband cannot figure out when to you “myself” vs “I”. He’ll say: “Carmen and myself would like to invite you…” ARGH. Carmen and I. Carmen and I!!!!!
Whew. Breathe deeply, Carmen…
September 17th, 2008 at 10:27 am
A Mom Anonymous says:
Well there’s a girl I know who CONSTANLY uses “seen” when it should be saw. She sounds like an illertate dumbass and wonders why her kids are doing poorly in school.
Then there’s a large pet peeve of mine and I about choked when I freaking heard Diane Sawyer say it on GMA this morning - “First Annual” THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING! It’s inagural and there’s a 2nd annual. It can’t be ANNUAL until it’s happened more than ONCE!!!!!! Did the writers for GMA miss Journalism 101??? I am not always proper either but there a few basic rules that are pretty damn obvious and broken regularly.
I correct my children all the time and they just repeat it after me. It’s just part of a regular conversation with us.
September 17th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Dina says:
Oh, I have soooo many! Dear friend is the queen of saying, “Not for nuttin . . .” What?! Hubby says, “Acrost” not “Across” and I know many people that just slaughter the English language in general. I agree with the “Don’t” and “Fustrated” too. Those are 2 of the biggest.
Just so you know, you are not alone in the Grammar Police Patrol.
DMLD
Dinas last blog post..Sushi Driven
September 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am
the planet of janet says:
this is a situation up with which i will not put.
irregardless, i am fustrated by peoples’ bad grammer, punctiation and spellin too as well.
and don’t even get me started on text-speak.
k, bi.
the planet of janets last blog post..Sing a song …
September 17th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Mrs. Schmitty says:
It’s all of that homeschooling you do. LOL
I hate the don’t and doesn’t thing too.
My sister does it all of the time. I always ask her where the hell she grew up because I know where I grew up I wasn’t taught to speak that way.
It drives me nuts!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Me? Captain Of The Cheerleading Squad?!
September 17th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
kelli says:
a lot a bit of? Are you kidding? I’ve never heard that in my life. Then again, I say things are “in” the floor instead of on them. So what do I know?
kellis last blog post..Ancient Egypt Connections
September 17th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Shannon says:
I am TOTALLY the grammar police. But mostly I just correct people in my head. BUT. I have yet to meet someone so dumb they use the phrase “a lot of/a bit”. If I were to meet someone that stupid I *might* have a hard time stopping myself from slapping them upside the head. Just sayin’.
Shannons last blog post..And now I promise not to talk about breasts for a good long time.
September 17th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Stephany says:
I’m so bad, my cousins were afraid to write to me for fear that I’d send their letters back with red corrections all over them! (I would NEVER do that BTW, I’d think it, but never do it!) Recently, my mother and I got in an argument because she insisted the other word for footstool is ‘ottobun’ (instead of ‘ottoman’)
“because it’s shaped like a bun”, I believe was her rationale.
Stephanys last blog post..My baby is no Einstein: the blogs 9/17/08
September 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Sissy says:
are you kidding me? I have gone back and edited year old posts because I found a spelling mistake. like anybody reads those posts anymore, right? I can’t stand it! and oddly enough, it doesn’t bother me when others do it but only perfection will do for myself.
Sissys last blog post..Shameless Promotion
September 17th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Dory says:
Yep, me too.
SUPPOSEDLY. NEW-CLEAR. Ok, someone covered that but I second their motion.
WASH. For the love of Bob, do not say WARSH. It gives me a face tic.
I’ve heard FLUSTRATED and then my ears actually popped off and bounced on the floor.
Biggest pet peeve… contractions. Your, You’re, They’re, Their, There, It’s, Its. When you use a contraction, sound it out. The cat twitched it’s tail? Say it out loud, the cat twitched IT IS tail. That doesn’t sound right, so use ITS.
I feel a post of my own of this nature will be forthcoming.
I do love when you get on a good rant!
September 17th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Suzi says:
Warshington.
September 17th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
noble pig says:
Sometimes I am the grammar police if it makes me crazy enough. Yeah, I feel like some people like to talk stupid for WHATEVER reason.
noble pigs last blog post..You Are Now Pronounced Party A and Party B
September 17th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake says:
Double negatives? HATE! THEM!
I’m SO bad about typing ‘use’ when it should be ‘used’. Like a little bit of bad and a lot of bit terrible about it. But what I can say? I don’t know no better.
hehe. he. he. he.
Heather, Queen of Shake-Shakes last blog post..Two Rants with a Side of Woohoo!
September 17th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Julie says:
I hate people who use the word “get” esp. in text. It is a lazy man’s word and its use can be avoided 90% of the time.
EX. I am going to GET new windows for my house.
I am going to PURCHASE new windows for my house.
EX. Let’s GET a seat down front.
Let’s sit down front.
September 17th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Ashlie- MommyCosm says:
I was only about 5 years old and used to get pissed off whenever anyone would say “ain’t”. I called them ignorant and told them that ain’t wasn’t even a word and it wasn’t in the dictionary…but then they added it to the dictionary and I had to shut up!
Ashlie- MommyCosms last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Too Much Sangria?
September 17th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Cris says:
I have been thinking about this very subject and was preparing to write my own post.
We could of driven to the store. No jackass…we could HAVE driven to the store.
I heard this at a wedding -”Thank you for sharing in Shane and I’s special day.” UGH. Like someone else said…think it out first. Would you say “Thank you for sharing in I special day”?
This post was funny as hell, as usual
Criss last blog post..Overheard
September 17th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
rachel says:
Bwaaaaa haaaa haaa haaaa haaa!
Thank you. Dear heavens above, I am dyin’ here
I go bat looping chocolate dipped loony when people use don’t when it should be doesn’t, say supposably, anyways, oh there are so many … thanks for the giggle and A-freaking-men
rachels last blog post..After the storm: Wordless Wednesday
September 17th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Carol VR says:
I often catch myself saying “a big little”.
Yep I admit defeat.
Carol VRs last blog post..
September 17th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
BlueBella says:
Oh lordy. Good girl.
My desire to stab someone in the throat comes when they say things like,
“My sister she blah blah blah,” or
“That guy he blah blah blah.”
Well DUH - we KNOW your sister is a she!
And if that guy’s a guy he IS a he!
YARF!
But one thing we do have as a long standing family joke that always makes us laugh is my Mom (she) was remarking about someone in a wheelchair and said, “she’s kind of in a wheelchair.”
We have never let her forget it - either you’re in a wheelchair or you aren’t!
BlueBellas last blog post..Best News Possible
September 17th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Carrie says:
It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my annoyances with the stupid things people say/write! I’ve never even heard of “a lot a bit of . . .” and already I’m pulling my hair just thinking about having to read that somewhere!
Carries last blog post..Death by Electrasol Tabs
September 18th, 2008 at 1:52 am
David King says:
This coming from the person that used to call Grand Prix a Grand Pricks. Albeit we were 12 years old, but I wasted a half hour of my life on that argument!!
hehe
September 18th, 2008 at 3:43 am
David King says:
Here’s my grammar story: A girl asked my boss “What time it be” and he was like what?? and she goes “What time it be??” and I stood up and screamed time to go back to grade school
Yeah I was having a bad day, but she got fired after like 1 month so apparently bad grammar is concurrent with bad job performance
hehe
September 18th, 2008 at 3:45 am
samcy says:
So a grammar cop here! I hate it when people do not check their spelling and grammar before posting things… aaarrgggghhhh! It’s like fingernails on a chalk board to my brain
samcys last blog post..Proudly South African!
September 18th, 2008 at 4:10 am
Christine says:
Yes, I’m a grammar cop. My pet peeves are: advise vs. advice, supposably (I mean, come on.. supposably?), irregardless, anyways (although this is in the dictionary now), should of (oh my God, that one makes me crazy). So, in conclusion, yeah grammar cop here.
Christines last blog post..Cause I’m All About Keeping it Real, Yo.
September 18th, 2008 at 7:21 am
ali says:
I am an editor. Do not get me started.
but ‘a lot a bit’??? really? do people really say that? I’ve NEVER even heard it!
alis last blog post..I…
September 18th, 2008 at 8:44 am
That Girl says:
My mom is the worst offender. It physically hurts when she speaks.
That Girls last blog post..Fade to Black
September 18th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
These are annoying and improper and you should kiss ass when you hear them. a lot of bit - I’ve never heard that in my life!
In the south, people think it’s correct to say “might could.” As in, “We might could make it to that game tonight.” OH MY GOD!!! It gives me seizures.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:11 am
sam {temptingmama} says:
I hate irregarless. That drives me fuckin’ batty.
My husband says “Acrossed” like: It’s acrossed the street.
I cringe and correct him. Every. Single. Time.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Megryansmom says:
I am the bad spelling cop. I can pick out misspelled words a mile away, unless of course they are mine. My former MIL used to say IN IT, as in “IN IT a beautiful day today?” Drove me nuts!
Megryansmoms last blog post..This Totally Baffles Me!
September 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Lottifish says:
Ugh, I’m a HUGE grammar cop. My Husband says “on accident” and I can’t stand it. It’s “by accident” you freak! Get it right!
Thanks. I feel much better.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Nan says:
OOOOH well, you see, *I* speak ENGLISH and all of you speak AMERICAN, which is not even an official language. And you use “presently” to mean “now”, when it really means “soon”, and JUST maybe I shouldn’t get started…
Heh, heh….
Nans last blog post..Bleagh.
September 18th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Amy says:
The thing that pisses me off the most is when people say “valentimes” instead of “valentines.” It just makes me want to kick them right in the ass.
September 18th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Yvonne says:
OK - the one that gets me? “That needs cleaned”. WTF? Doesn’t it need “to be” cleaned? “That needs vacuumed” - ???? To Be Or Not To Be - just put those 2 little words with it, m’kay?
Yvonnes last blog post..Birds of a feather…..
September 18th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Kelley says:
I start sentences with an ‘and’ and according to Moo’s English Literature teacher that is fine. It is art. Like poetry.
So my blog is poetry. How freaking awesome is THAT!
And I totally get you about the grammar nazi thing. Now I must delete my post about it in draft lest I be seen as plagiarising you.
Kelleys last blog post..That kid will go far in life…
September 19th, 2008 at 5:39 am
Amy says:
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no where near perfect when it comes to grammar but I do have some of my own pet peeves. I think I saw it here already but WARSH instead of WASH drives me crazy. The same with WOOTER instead of WATER!
Amys last blog post..Politics Smolitics Part 2
September 19th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Trenches of Mommyhood says:
TOTAL grammar policewoman here. I seriously should have been a high school English teacher.
I seriously don’t even read particular blogs if they have a ton of grammar/spelling errors. Seriously. Check out my blogroll. All well written.
I’m a total grammar snob.
Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..The Greatest Show On Earth Giveaway
September 19th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Petra says:
Oh, I am SO a grammar cop! I am an editor and a lover of the spoken and written word and the things you mentioned always drive me crazy!
As does:
cousint
ambliance
ain’t
There are so many, I just can’t think of them all right now!
Petras last blog post..Good News: Awards, Bad News: Wardrobe Crisis
September 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Jenni says:
Oh girl, I can so relate! I have a very good friend, and I absolutely CRINGE when she uses grammar like this:
“Yeah, we seen him up at the mall the other day.”
“He don’t know which way he’s supposed to go.”
In other moments of sheer torture to my brain, my mother pronounces the word MATTRESS as “MAPTRESS”. PILLOW is “PILLA.”
CINNAMON is “CIMMANIM.”
I could go on for days… It’s no wonder I am on the verge of a nervouse breakdown. I don’t ever correct people, I just silenty grit my teeth and white knuckle my hands into a ball. GAH!
Jennis last blog post..The Dangerous Days of Daniel X
September 19th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Angel says:
First of all… FUCK ME! 45 fucking comments! Shit woman!
Second I have not ready any of them but I can assure you one of them will be the same as mine….
IT IS NUCLEAR YOU FUCKS! NOT NUCULAR!!!! Ok, PREZ BUSHFUCK!
Angels last blog post..Comic Relief #2
September 19th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Angel says:
Oh and hubs says “I’m gonna take the kids a bath” Or, “take ‘em a bath”.
IT’S GIVE THEM A BATH FUCKER! GIVE GIVE GIVE!!!!!
Angels last blog post..Comic Relief #2
September 19th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
My daughter, my friggin’ 18 year old college freshman no less, says; “yesterday night” all the damn time and I just want to poke her in the eye!
It’s “last night” get it? Then she does the eyeroll thing and has the NERVE to say; “It’s all the same thing!”
NO ITS NOT! GODDAMMIT!
Oh and when people say “yous” as in; “So when yous gonna get that done? Yous said it was gonna be done like today?”
Makes me almost have a seizure!
Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..FINALLY the Canon Camera Giveaway - Mr. Linky and Buttons for YOU!
September 19th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Oh oh oh! I almost forgot…
Whilst I love the man dearly, and I know he’s British and it’s how he was raised, it’s like nails on a fucking chalkboard when he says “shhhedule” vs. SKedule (schedule), or even worse, they prounouce the letter “Z” by saying “Zed” rather than “Zee” and it makes my ears bleed!
Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..FINALLY the Canon Camera Giveaway - Mr. Linky and Buttons for YOU!
September 19th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Oh “He” in that last comment, would be my HUSBAND!
Last comment…I promise!
Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..FINALLY the Canon Camera Giveaway - Mr. Linky and Buttons for YOU!
September 19th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
David King says:
Well Nan what about the word “fanny” and it’s different meaning in the US. Hmm.. As Kevin Smith says that misinterpretation probably started the American Revolution. hehe
David Kings last blog post..Why doesn’t anyone use AIM or ICQ anymore?
September 20th, 2008 at 12:19 am
Elle says:
Hell yeah. I’m a badge-carrying member of the grammar police from birth. I had a woman at work use the (non) word ‘irregardless” past the correction statute of limitations. One day, someone else called her on it, and she asked me. I just nervously shook my head. No, it has never been a word. Yes, I’ve endured your use of the non-word for months and never corrected you. Sometimes the grammar police are the ones busted!
Elles last blog post..Four Foods on Friday #47
September 21st, 2008 at 11:07 am
LK says:
I do it to my husband. I feel justified because English isn’t his first language, and I figure that he’d rather hear it from me, his loving wife, than a rando on the street who happens to be a Grammar Cop.
I silently do it to other people, though. Because I sincerely can’t stand certain grammatical errors.
I also do it quite vocally to the TV when some idiot releases an ad with improperly-placed apostrophes.
LKs last blog post..My Momma Always Told Me . . .
September 21st, 2008 at 5:14 pm
baseballmom says:
I thought of a couple more–I hate supposably, and lately, some people use ‘like’ a million times in one sentence…it slays me. I do say ‘close the light’ or ‘cut that light off’ though…my one concession to cracker talk.
baseballmoms last blog post..bull**its
September 21st, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Casey says:
Grammar cops are good, but I grew up in rural Idaho and my ears are accustomed to a low standard. You know what gets me, though?
Apostrophizing plurals! Arrrgh! I just read a blog where the lady had an entry referring to “harmful chemical’s.” Baby Jesus wept…
Caseys last blog post..Score!
September 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
GerriSue says:
Boyfriend:
“I meant, he didn’t even tell me what time to be there…”
“I MEANT”??? It doesn’t need to be there. Are you correcting yourself at the beginning of your fucking SENTENCE???
Why God, WHY? He’s lucky to be alive over this.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:03 am
jerseygirl89 says:
I prefer the term, “grammar bitch”. I’m awful. And mistakes on signs or in ads raise my blood pressure.
My in-laws do the “don’t” thing. I don’t correct them, though, because it would be too ugly. But I daydream about it.
jerseygirl89s last blog post..Ignorance Is Not Bliss
September 25th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Leslie says:
There are so many things that drive me crazy, but I never correct anyone. I just jot down their name in my little notebook full of people I’d banish if I ever became Queen of All The Land.
Leslies last blog post..The Best-Laid Plans
October 1st, 2008 at 8:47 am
The Only Person To EVER Write A Blog Post Without WORDS. | Wiping Up Snot says:
[...] she was sad without him and it would be harder for her alone and blah blah blah SHE TOTALLY SAID “A LOT A BIT.” I searched the internet FOREVER looking for a clip of that, but I couldn’t find it. I will [...]
October 20th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Christina says:
OMG I’m so with you on this. My ex-husband always said mushrooNs and it made me want to smack him upside the head. I have a MIL that says prostRate rather than prostate and con-vuh-sation instead of condensation.
My biggest peeves though are bring vs take and deaf vs death. You TAKE it there and you BRING it here. And COME ON!!! Just because you can’t hear, that doesn’t mean you’re dead.
Christinas last blog post..Locked Out in the Snow
December 1st, 2008 at 1:26 am