The scene: Cleatus, the cat, and I are in bed. Me, scratching around underneath the blankets so that the cat will pounce on my fingers. After growing tired of having the cat pounce on me, I move on to Cleatus.
Me: grabbing hold of Cleatus’s wiener *flop flop flop*
Cleatus: What are you doing?
Me: Trying to make the cat pounce on your wiener.
Me: *flop flop flop*
Lily: *POUNCE*
Cleatus: What the fuck, dude?
****
The scene: Cleatus and I at a restaurant looking at the menu.
Cleatus: Are we going anywhere after we eat?
Me: I dunno. Why?
Cleatus: There’s this chili cheese omelet that looks good.
Me: So?
Cleatus: Well, I don’t want to order it if we are going shopping afterward. I’ll need to shit first.
****
The scene: Cleatus and I back at home to measure a closet for shelves. The measuring is done and we are getting ready to walk out the door to buy the shelving.
Cleatus: Wait. Is this going to take longer than an hour?
Me: I doubt it. Why?
Cleatus: Tryin’ to decide if I should poop now or if I should just wait.
Me: Do you NEED to poop now?
Cleatus: I don’t know. How long is this going to take?
Me: IT DOESN’T MATTER. DO YOU NEED TO POOP NOW?
Cleatus: *thinking* Oh, fuck it. Let’s flip a coin.
Texan Mama says:
Halfway through reading this post, I had to scroll back up to see the title. I was like, Wait, what is this post supposed to be about???
And, I can’t believe you let Cleatus flop his wiener without going the distance. Texan Papa would never let that fly. Oh wait, you didn’t say. Maybe you did go the distance. But, you’ve already given us TMI. Maybe you could just spare us the REALLY personal details. Or maybe not. Your choice.
Texan Mamas last blog post..Goals, Schmoals
January 4th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Nan says:
Dude, I am laughing so hard at the poop issues. Sean is the same way. And he cannot poop in a public toilet. He would rather give himself constipation….
Nans last blog post..Our Computer: First Annual Report
January 4th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Text Imps says:
LMAO!!! Wrong! So very wrong!
Hubby has a morning routine where he’ll go to the bathroom, go next door and visit his parents, then come back for a 2nd round in the bathroom. If he comes home from next door and leaves the house without finishing the routine, I worry about him until he gets home. LOL
Text Impss last blog post..Post of the Week - Comic Jeanius
January 4th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
:: Plain Jane Mom Blog says:
[...] Truly magical. [...]
January 4th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
the planet of janet says:
bwahahahahhahahahahhahahaa…
*deep breath*
bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
the planet of janets last blog post..Weekly Winners: December 28 (2008) to January 3 (2009)
January 4th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Cameron says:
You amuse easily, don’t you?
Camerons last blog post..Why….
January 4th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Leslie says:
What is it with men and shitting? It’s such an event. I do it with as little fanfare as possible. Boys are just weird.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Jenni Jiggety says:
Bahahahahahahaha! The second scene made me snort with laughter!
January 4th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Jill (CDJ) says:
I don’t understand guys and pooping. If I have to poop, I have to poop. And I cannot telegraph when I might have to poop. I remember being at a store or restaurant with my dad and him saying, “We better go soon. I’m going to have to poop.” Then we’d wait another 10 minutes, drive 10 or 15 minutes home. How could he hold it that long?!?!
lol on the weiner pounce. I have a friend who has the most evil cat ever. He has chased away more than one boyfriend by using their dangly bits as play toys!
Jill (CDJ)s last blog post..Say what?
January 4th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
Ah yes, marriage…ain’t it romantic?
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..It’s A B*tch
January 4th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
I swear to God, men have some short of shitting disease. Or repression. Or something, for the love of God, I don’t know! Either you do or don’t and it shouldn’t take half an hour!
Heather, Queen of Shake Shakes last blog post..Why yes, Kohls, I would LOVE to explain TAM-PONS to my 8-year-old
January 4th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
pgoodness says:
Oh….my….gawd….can’t breathe….laughing too hard…. … this is hilarious!
pgoodnesss last blog post..Buh-Bye, 2008
January 4th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
shoeaddict says:
Blue would KILL me if I let a cat get his willy. BUT, the shitting, that sounds like me. I am NOT going in a public place and I don’t wanna be somewhere and hafta shit!
shoeaddicts last blog post..New Year
January 4th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Angie says:
Oh, Karly. You poor girl. Maybe the wiener flop was payback for the shitting issues?
This post is absolutely priceless. You are truly a spinner of magical tales (and wicked awesome recipes - did I mention that? SOOOOOOO glad you got that up and running!!!).
January 4th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Ashlie- Mommycosm says:
Oh, the joys of marriage.
Is he going to kill you for sharing that?!
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..100 Words: Doorway
January 5th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Michelle says:
OMG, I am laughing so hard! I agree, men have weird poop things. My husband has it timed. He poops a certain number of minutes after his morning coffee. He has to wake up with enough time to poop or he can’t drink the coffee. Don’t even get me started on how long the entire affair takes. (He has to wait for “the second wave” to come. WTH?)
Michelles last blog post..Holiday Eating
January 5th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
kelli says:
You are married to my husband!!! This is so damn funny, and exactly like things that go on around here!
January 5th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
del says:
I just dropped over from ‘Living in the Gray’ and I have to say that is the best blog post I have ever stumbled upon. I now need to clean up the mess made from laughing too much and nearly choking as I was eating, and then do some more reading here. Thanks for the entertainment!
dels last blog post..Holidays at Home
January 5th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
baseballmom says:
hahahahaha! you guys crack me up!
baseballmoms last blog post..Happy 7th, baby boy!
January 5th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
citystreams says:
If I didn’t love you before, I certainly do now. Big belly laughs! Making the cat pounce on Cleatus had me in stitches.
citystreamss last blog post..Our First Brave Blogista … Bethany Actually
January 5th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
ali says:
sigh. love is grand, isn’t it?
also..love is EXACTLY like this at my house!
alis last blog post..the year of the list. it has been declared.
January 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
jessica says:
oh man!! I laughed soo hard I snorted!!! I thought I was the only one that asked her man if he had to go poop.. oh man that’s just funny funny!
jessicas last blog post..Getting ready for the ex
January 6th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Petra says:
I just love that men’s whole lives revolve around when they are going to need to poop.
Petras last blog post..He Blogs, She Blogs: Farts, Sex and Boobs–Oh My!
January 6th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
It’s Wienie Week says:
[...] move on to A Glimpse at Wiping Up [...]
January 7th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
The romance of marriage is simply dazzling, no?
This is hilarious!
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..
January 7th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas says:
I think we’re married to the same man. ROFL!
January 7th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
kgirl says:
omg, when i first read this, i missed something and thought that cleatus was the cat. it made for an entertaining, if not somewhat disturbing, post.
sorry, i’m new.
kgirls last blog post..Winter Wonderland
January 8th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Auds at Barking Mad says:
LMAO @kgirl’s comment. That made this post almost unbearably funny. That was brilliant.
Can’t write any more. Must go change pants now. This peeing/laughing/peeing thing is annoying as hell. Stop posting such funny shit already! Pun completely intended.
Auds at Barking Mads last blog post..Two Years Already?
January 8th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Deidre says:
This is my first time on your blog. and I read the opening as “cleatus the cat” and couldn’t figure out why you were making the cat play with himself.
Great post!
Deidres last blog post..Super Freak (Out)
January 8th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Rachel says:
OMG. I thought Cleatus WAS the cat, too! ROFL!
Rachels last blog post..Crab-Ma
January 10th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
jerseygirl89 says:
That was hysterical.
jerseygirl89s last blog post..The Other Woman
January 11th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Kellyology says:
OK. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.
Kellyologys last blog post..Goodbye Entrecard. Hello 12-Steps.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
OldWestMom says:
Ha!!!!
I appreciate the penis pointer. I may just try that. Our cat has his claws. I feel so evil!
And yes, I’ve actually had the chili cheese conversation with my husband. Which is why I’m going to relish the penis trick that much more.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:53 pm