You know how you wake up in the morning to your child talktalktalking in your face and you get out of bed and go pee while your child talks at you and then you brush your teeth and your child is still talking and you take a shower and you can hear her talking at you THROUGH THE BATHROOM DOOR and then you get out and turn on cartoons because it is way too early in the morning to listen to nonstop chatter but then your child decides it would be fun to narrate the entire 30 minutes of Spongebob and the only thing worse than listening to Spongebob’s annoying little voice is hearing his annoying little voice while your daughter tells you every move Spongebob makes, every feeling Spongebob has, and, yes, every word Spongebob says?
That sure does suck, huh?
So, eventually you take some tylenol to dull the pain in your ears and tell the kids it’s time to go for a walk. You head outside and the talktalktalking is still going on so you walk all the way to the park and set them free, hoping against hope that maybe they’ll be too busy running and playing to talktalktalk at you, but then SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD comes up and starts talking at you? And they don’t stop. Like ever. They just keep talking. And at first you think the child is cute, but the longer they talk the uglier they get and they don’t stop talking and you’re trying so hard to go to your happy place before you accidentally kick the little jerk but it’s so hard to go to your happy place when SOMEONE IS TALKTALKTALKING AT YOU.
Children are totally overrated.
Mr Lady says:
Where’s my Xanex?
March 28th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Lisa says:
Maybe that’s why they stop talking to you when they are teenagers. Because they run out of words.
Or maybe they’re just little jerk-faces then.
Lisas last blog post..Update on Carrboro HS women’s soccer
March 28th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Shannon says:
One of the luxuries I am most looking forward to as my kids get older is being able to go to the bathroom without an audience or narration. Sigh….
Shannons last blog post..Taking “Type A” To a Whole New Level
March 28th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Carol VR says:
I LOVE SPONGEBOB… particularly the carnival ride episode. Want me to narrate it to you???…LOL
Carol VRs last blog post..What’s better than a party….
March 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Susan K says:
Heh, I have a ds-15 who is an aspy. He narrates his life, when he isn’t doing his best imitation of a college lecturer.
He can talk in his head, we’ve asked.
March 28th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Stacey says:
Sometimes if you answer with a weird accent or in a foreign language (if you don’t know one, make up words), they stop long enough to try to figure out what the hell is going on. If you’re really lucky, they wait quietly for you to do it again.
Then again, I don’t actually have kids, so what do I know.
(I was a preschool teacher at one time though.)
March 29th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Ashlie- Mommycosm says:
Replace SpongeBob with SuperWhy and you just described my morning.
Do you put cotton balls in bleeding ears or tampons…or are tampons the trick for bleeding noses? I forget.
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Haiku Friday: Reiki
March 29th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Rachel says:
We are on the same wavelength. I would be embarrassed to admit how many times I have said this weekend “Do you EVER stop TALKING???”…
March 29th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Gina says:
Oh, the talking. It never stops. In fact, I’m being talked at right now. For the 2nd straight hour.
Although, I do love Spongebob, myself.
Ginas last blog post..Wednesday Weirdness
March 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
W. Keller says:
I believe this post should give you a hint at the smile on your lovely mother’s face. As the grandparent of a 2 1/2 year old and a 31 year old daughter I find a take a warped and twisted satisfaction in hearing comments like this coming from her. She was very “energetic” as were ALL her friends. Heck, look at the video of her dancing a few weeks ago – she’s STILL energetic. And, at the end of the meal, or the end of the evening, her mom and I can smile and say: “ya know sweetie, it’s gettin’ late, we need to head for home”. Ah grandparenthood – the time of life we all wait for!!
Enjoy, they’ll be gone soon enough. They your revenge can begin. Perhaps your mom can teach you those different smiles!
W. Kellers last blog post..The Making Of: Extreme Sheep LED Art
March 29th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Jill (CDJ) says:
I can totally relate, Karly. I am hoping Spike becomes a boy of few words because his brother talks enough for the both of them, plus a few extra kids. Even when you give him what he wants, he’s still blah blah blahing about it and complaining and whining and OH MY GAH, kid, stop talking for like 30 seconds or I’m going to lock you out of the house. Not really, I would never do that… I love my kids. They just need to put a sock in it every once in a while!
March 29th, 2009 at 11:18 am
thatgirlblogs says:
I hate spongebob. My life is so much more southpark than spongebob. And PS you can’t kick them, because then you’d have to blog about it and the CPS homegrown bloggers would get all up in your grill.
March 29th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
My ears are bleeding too. I crave the silence.
Secret Mom Thoughtss last blog post..Weekly Winners
March 29th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Mary says:
Not only does my daughter talk incessantly, if she feels that you aren’t listening, she grabs your face and turns your head until you are looking at her.
Man, I can’t wait for Kindergarten.
Marys last blog post..Ahhh, Spring!
March 29th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Colleen says:
Do you remember that volvo commercial… where the dad is with his daughter and she just keeps chattering away. He puts her in the car while she’s chatting, he closes her door, he opens his door and gets in the car and she’s still just chatting away. Nick thought that was a totally ridiculous commercial that made no sense. That no child could ever talk that much. Well… um… that could be Zoe in that commercial.
Colleens last blog post..Grace in Small Things – 36
March 29th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Michelle says:
Oooh! My just turned 5 year old is the same way. I have already offered my condolences to his future kindergarten teacher. Poor women.
Michelles last blog post..Happy Birthday Joey!
March 29th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Nan says:
Hate Spongebob. Hate hate hate! Today my boys went fishing with Grandpa, though. Without me! This only happens every 3rd blue moon, when Venus is in the equinox and so on, at least I seem to remember it happening before, so I was blissing out all day! I had several uninterrupted grownup conversations, and a beer.
Gloat, gloat! Looks like I might be homeschooling for a few weeks though, with our move. So you can laugh at me then.
Nans last blog post..YIKES!
March 29th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Auds at Barking Mad says:
Yeah, this is why we invest in cotton balls around here. They work really well at stuffing ears to numb the constant sound around here.
It’s amazing to me, that a 3 year old (mine) can have so much to say, about EVERY.LITTLE.THING. and she’s only been on the planet for three short years.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:57 am
corrin says:
My house is the same way, except the person doing the blabbing is my 30 year old husband. Once he gets going he never. shuts. up.
March 30th, 2009 at 5:42 am
patois says:
If only my first iPod hadn’t been stolen. And then the second one hadn’t been lost in Wales. And then the third one hadn’t been thrown in some talkative kid’s pants and washed. If only…
patoiss last blog post..Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting)
March 30th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Zephra says:
AWWWWWW Make it stop!
March 30th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
I know!! Oh I know too well.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritass last blog post..Mommy Would Rather Change Diapers
March 30th, 2009 at 8:58 am
Futureblackmail says:
Ughh…the only thing worse than Spongebob is Patrick!
Futureblackmails last blog post..TOTALLY NOT HORRIBLE MOM HERE
March 30th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
OMG! I hate that!
Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..Don’t Mess With Mama, She’s Got A Screw Loose
March 30th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy says:
Wow, I could have written that post. Sometimes I will seriously just stop and say to one of my children “Can you please stop talking for a minute?” Yeah, it’s really rude, but it would be even ruder if I threw one of them out the window. Don’t ya think?
Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..He Blogs, She Blogs: Steenky Bee Style
March 30th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
shoeaddict says:
Warn the pregnant lady before posts like this! Or before she gets pregnant to begin with.
shoeaddicts last blog post..Delicious Pictures
March 30th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Chris says:
OMG….are you sure you are not MY daughter? Yes, I did see your Mom, minor details. Thank you so much for the much needed laughs. Why yes it has been a few shitty months! You are seriously way too funny! Love all your posts!!!
Chriss last blog post..WHEW!! THAT MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER
March 30th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Amber says:
My son was talk talk talking to me this morning. You’d think by now that he’d be aware that I am NOT a morning person so I’m basically comatose when I first wake up.
But no.
He kept yakking about the human body and would tell me, “And now I’m eating my breakfast and my cereal is going down my esophagus–isn’t esphagus a funny word, Mommy??” (I sort of grunted in response.) Then he continued to tell me about his stomach and his small and large intestines and how, in the end, you poop everything out and isn’t THAT funny??
Ugh.
Ambers last blog post..Natalie! She’s Just Like Us!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:37 am
candygirlflies says:
Screw Tylenol.
Girl, you need hard liquor and street drugs to dull the pain of THIS headache…
Good luck.
xoxo CGF
candygirlfliess last blog post..The Gift
March 31st, 2009 at 9:01 am
Maggie C. says:
Recently found your site – can’t remember where from but anyway this is a great post!!!
My son is graduating high school in a mere few months and I had almost forgotten about when he was younger and would TALKTALKTALKTALK! I miss it….hard to believe but one day you will too!
March 31st, 2009 at 10:37 am
jennster says:
LMFAO! omg, the best is when the kid fucking talks to you from the DOWNSTAIRS while you are UPSTAIRS and you can’t hear a thing they’re saying, but they’re just talking and talking and you know you should probably be listening, but sometimes you just want to turn them off.
jennsters last blog post..don’t be the stupid girl at the bar
March 31st, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Jerseygirl89 says:
Get out of my head, woman.
Seriously, could we have Cindy-Lu call Ironflower sometime? They can talk at each other.
Jerseygirl89s last blog post..Want Some Popcorn?
March 31st, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo says:
and then there is the ‘tell me tell me TELL ME!’ stage.
Boo has been going through that for 4 years!
And people wonder why I am so bitter.
March 31st, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Kristin says:
My three that are home all day long just blah-blah-blah at me. They follow me into the bathroom and narrate for me. “Go potty mama?” “Me flush toilet mama?” “Wash hands mama?”
When they’re in bed at night, I barely speak. I revel in the silence.
I’m sure in a few years when my oldest is a teen, I’ll be wishing that she’ll talk to me instead of hiding out in her room all the time.
Kristins last blog post..Call me Princess Hypocritica
April 1st, 2009 at 8:00 am
Leslie says:
Not only does Julia talk all the time, she’s a repeater. Lately, her topic of choice is death.
“Why do people die, Mom? Why? But why do they DIE?”
I’ve tried to answer her carefully and honestly, but it doesn’t matter what answer I give, she’ll ask me again. She’s not just annoying me, she’s kind of bumming me out, too.
Leslies last blog post..Whatever Happaned To Grimace And The Fry Guys?
April 5th, 2009 at 8:39 am
Melizzard says:
No joke – I stayed up until after 3am last night just so I could enjoy the quiet after a week of spring break with my kids.
Melizzards last blog post..There is no interneting on vacation
April 6th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
marco says:
good article , thanks
April 7th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Sarah says:
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Sarah
http://grillsblog.com
Sarahs last blog post..The Perfect Outdoor Barbecue Kitchen Design
April 10th, 2009 at 3:43 am
seanc says:
Are you for real? If my kids arent crying or whining im very happy. I never grow tired of their “TALKTALKTALKING” to me. It is your job as a parent to engage in those conversations and stimulate their minds. If my children are talking and it seems like babbling I try to help focus their thoughts by asking them questions etc.. I hate to be negative and I certainly havent read all of your writings having just stumbled on this, but I felt compelled to comment.
December 4th, 2009 at 10:34 am