I’ve got a couple of questions bouncing around inside my brain and, considering how helpful you all were with the vagina questions, I thought I’d bring them to you. Help a girl out?
Isn’t it true that men generally don’t like to be punched in the dick? I mean, they find that annoying, right? Because I was always under the impression that dick punching is something they want to avoid, but it turns out that maybe I’m wrong. Cleatus has this slight problem with our garbage. As in, he never fucking takes it out. When we were married it was written in our vows that I would clean the toilets and he would take out the garbage. (True story.) (Not really.) (But we SHOULD have written that into our vows.) (Will remember that for my NEXT marriage to the BETTER husband.) I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at cleaning toilets. Cleatus is on the not so good side of taking out the garbage. Obviously, my response to a full garbage can is to punch Cleatus in the dick, but IT’S NOT FIXING THE PROBLEM. Suggestions?
My next question has nothing to do with private body parts, so you can all breathe a big sigh of relief now.
How often do you upgrade to a new computer? It’s come to my attention that I have a wee little computer upgrading problem. As in, I believe that a new computer should be purchased yearly to replace your old computer. Many other people that I won’t name (Cleatus. My mom. My dad. Al Gore. You.) think that this is excessive. I can understand how MAYBE one would think that, considering that we have THREE computers in our home, but really, shouldn’t we just add another computer to the mix and have them all on a yearly upgrade schedule that works out to us purchasing one new computer each quarter? I’m pretty sure my financial planner would be impressed with my obviously high quality budgeting skills here. (If I HAD a financial planner that is.)
Alright, so honestly, I don’t think that all three of our computers need upgraded every year, just my laptop. I’m sorry, but one year in laptop life is like ten years in desktop life and seriously, how many of you are using a ten year old computer?
What I’m saying is, the Easter Bunny brought me a laptop last year and this year all I’m going to get is NOTHING AT ALL and really, if the economy is so bad that the Easter Bunny is scaling back the gifts, then maybe we should all just get it over with and go DIE, because life without a shiny new laptop is really no life at all, now is it?
In other news, my dirty, dull year old laptop is currently being repaired (it keeps overheating and just SHUTTING OFF. Very irritating.) and I won’t have it back for a few days. I did like eighty-three back-ups before I took it to the fixer people, but god damn it, if I have to actually USE those back-ups I will stab someone. Also, if this post looks all wonky or there are misspelled words it’s totally because I’m using the Mac and for some reason it doesn’t give me little red squiggly lines when I misspell words and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ON LIVING IN THESE CONDITIONS?
Charlie says:
Try just a little lower in the nuts. That will get his attention. Hell me might even fix the blinker too.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Michelle says:
No empty garbage can, no sex.
I am still trying to convince my husband we need a new van.
My Mac gives me red, squiggly lines. I just ignore them though!
Michelles last blog post..Laser tag!
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
kristi says:
Wow really? Once a year upgrade?
I had my last computer almost 5 years before I got this one.
I just take out the trash myself and break out the vibrator! Hubs ain’t getting any if he doesn’t take out the trash!!
kristis last blog post..Autism Awareness
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
12ontheinside says:
1. Use a hammer.
2. Laptop = replace every 2 years. Desktop = replace every 3 years.
12ontheinsides last blog post..A Little Bit at a Time
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
kristi says:
No taking out the trash=no sex.
I had my last computer over 5 years before upgrading.
kristis last blog post..Autism Awareness
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Jill (CDJ) says:
Dude! What are you drinking? And can I have some?
My hubby is pretty good about the garbage, but hell if he can’t put his sandwich making shit back in the fridge after he’s done. I have come so close to leaving it out all day so many times, but I just can bring myself to waste that much food. Also, he never cleans up coffee grinds or splatters when he makes or pours coffee — and we have white MF counter tops. I had to buy special bleach-enhanced kitchen cleaners specifically to deal with all his coffee-spillage-related issues.
As for computers, I would say that if your laptop is doing that kind of freaky shit after only one year (a) you definitely need a new one and (b) you might want to get the next model up in the food chain next time around because I think they are supposed to last more than 1 year. Mine’s a year and a half old, I think, and I only got a new one after my old one (that was about 4 years old) brought me to the verge of throwing it out the window due to slowness, oh and Hubbz spilled coffee on the keyboard.
What’s the deal with my husband and coffee anyway?
Jill (CDJ)s last blog post..Check out the Widow! She’s famous!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Cherie says:
I need to be as bitchy as you. When my boyfriend doesn’t take out the trash (or clean out the cat box WHICH I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO ANYWAY SINCE I’M PREGNANT) I end up doing it since it’s easier to just do it than to smell nasty garbage and/or yell at him until it gets done. AND I clean the toilet. Next time? He’s totally getting punched in the dick.
And your second part made me cry. My computer is SIX YEARS OLD and I don’t have the money to replace it. I’m going to steal one of your computers.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Linda says:
My laptop kept doing the same thing. My son took a look at it for me. When he opened it up, the fan was full of dust and dog hair. Since he cleaned that out, it’s worked fine.
My husband doesn’t take out the garbage either. I’ll even take the bag out of the pail & leave it by the front door and he’ll still leave without taking it out.
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Cameron says:
Karly, I’d like to start by saying that I agree with everything you say…you know, because I’m your bitch.
Yearly laptop replacement is mandatory, come on…we don’t expect you to use a chisel and hammer to pump out this blog (heh…pump out)
Camerons last blog post..231
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Cameron says:
Wait…what the? Moderation…is this new?
Camerons last blog post..231
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Cameron says:
I don’t know how I feel about this….Karly??? How do I feel about this?
Camerons last blog post..231
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:55 pm
kaylen says:
Last time my computer stopped working, we opened it up and found a colony of rabbits made entirely of cat hair.
Taking the garbage out is one of the main reasons I allow my teenager to live with me. It is one of the only useful things he does for me in the house.
kaylens last blog post..WINNERS!!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Amber says:
I find giving up sex helps with getting men to do chores.
I just wrote an entry about how messy my husband is today.
I just always assumed that I’d marry a CLEAN man.
Oh, and when my husband actually takes out the trash he expects me to do a dance and praise him for it. But yet, I clean the rest of the house and don’t get a single word?
Ambers last blog post..Messages to Tom
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Chris says:
Seriously? Once a year? I’m so jealous. I’ve had my share of computers but have never EVER had a computer that hadn’t already been used by someone else. The one I’m using now, I paid $50 for it at an auction. It was retailing for $1300 when I bought it and that was more than 4 years ago. Earlier today.. I almost took a hammer to it but then I thought “But how will I read Karly’s posts?”
It said to tell you thanks.
I’m thinking maybe Cleatus thinks your punishments are actually love taps & foreplay. Time to devise a new plan.
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:00 am
Shannon says:
Umm…we’ve replaced our computers maybe every 3 or 4 years? Not sure but definitely not every year, you sneaky thing, you!
As for the other matter..well my hubby always shows significant discomfort when sacked by the kids in some sort of wrestling match. My solution to the garbage problem would be to stop cleaning the toilets. But knowing my hubby it would take months before he even realized anything had changed. Then it would take several more months before we came to an agreement regarding said cleaning of toilets/taking out of garbage. Not sure you’re willing to wait that long to solve the problem or to go without clean toilets for that long. So all in all, no. I have no advice. What? That wasn’t helpful?
Shannons last blog post..Interview with Avery
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 am
Cheryl says:
I think it’s time to enlist the boy for garbage duty. Start the kid young so he doesn’t end up like his father.
and the laptop….next time get a better model. They should last at least 4 years.
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Jessica @ Bug and Bee says:
Um, dick punching? He thinks it’s foreplay as Chris has already mentioned. Try, um, not letting him eat? I don’t know. But, obviously, time for a new plan on that whole garbage thing. And I sympathize, but I’m horrible with toilets so I guess I can’t complain about garbage — which is a complete crock.
As for laptops. I would buy a new one every six months if I had the dough. Because about a day after you get one, they come out with something way better and it’s really not fair. Like I totally want one of those cute new little tiny macbook type things (or whatever they are called) and they are ONLY about $350 and I should totally have one and I don’t. I just have this big, have to lug around Compaq and I don’t think that’s fair. At all.
Jessica @ Bug and Bees last blog post..Obviously, It’s Almost Easter…
April 3rd, 2009 at 11:06 am
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
You complained about having to use a Mac? I think I may have to blog divorce you! You weren’t so damn funny, I totally would!
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Texan Mama says:
I think your laptop is a lemon. My lappy is having her 3rd birthday next month and we’ve never been more in love. I think if you upgrade every year it takes about 2 months just to figure out what the frick you’re doing, and more time to load up all your favorite software, songs, etc.
I think if you have 3 computers, just replace one each year. That sounds fair to me. But very expensive. Can I come live with you?
And, the garbage? Here’s a solution. Tell him, you will have sex with him equal to the number of times he takes out the garbage. So, if he takes out the garbage once in the last 2 weeks, then that’s all he’s gettin. (PS this is kinda joking but my husband knows when he wants to get some he first “warms me up” by emptying the dishwasher. True story. Really.)
Texan Mamas last blog post..This Is Not Mathematically Correct
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
lora says:
Oh, I’m on my 3rd laptop since this time last year. they just crap out so fast. they are cheaper in price, cheaper in quality is my guess.
add icky sticky fingers all over them and there you have it.
loras last blog post..brim
April 3rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Mary says:
Maybe he just likes you being a little rough? Instead of paying attention to the portion of his anatomy which houses the majority of his brain cells, give it no attention at all until the garbage is out. Then, when he does take the trash out, give him a little nookie.
But beware, men are like Pavlov’s dogs and if you do this too often, he will start to expect sex every time he takes the trash out.
Marys last blog post..Friday 55 – Codeine Wishes and Flexeril Dreams
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:46 pm
David King says:
Or you could just buy an HP. I’ve had mine for several years and it’s still the bomb. :>
David Kings last blog post..Does it ever get any better?
April 4th, 2009 at 1:21 am
David King says:
Or you could just buy an HP. I’ve had mine for several years and it’s still the bomb. :>
David Kings last blog post..Does it ever get any better?
April 4th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Zephra says:
Get the HP. I love mine too. All 3 of them. As for the trash, well, you saw the post I made a few days ago. Don’t get me started on it.
Punching your husband in the dick? That sounds like fun.I might give it a try.
Zephras last blog post..
April 4th, 2009 at 7:09 am
A loving wife says:
Does your husband know you call him a loser on your blog, or that you threaten him with Domestic Violence? Is that how you want your daughter to treat her husband, or your son’s wife to treat him? I think someone needs to grow up and start treating her husband as an equal and not a “story” for her blog. A man will only be called a loser or have his wife threaten to hit him in the balls only so many times before he actually grows a pair.
April 4th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Stacey says:
I’ve had my laptop for about 2+ years now and have been longing for a new one. Today my S key broke. I think it’s a sign.
April 5th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Leslie says:
I just got a new laptop. It’s a Dell. I just can’t get into it. I mean, it’s okay, but I’m still sneaking around with my 4 year old HP. I just can’t let it go. And it’s a good thing. Of the 4 laptops we have floating around, the two HPs are running perfectly, while the two new Dells contracted the Conficker virus. Apparently, they’re sluts.
Anyway, I don’t really know what I’m saying except, my last laptop is 4 years old and counting. However, if someone would buy me a new one every year, I’d make them pancakes every morning for breakfast, or some other thing they really like.
As for the trash taking out problem, here’s how I get Dave to do things he doesn’t want to do: I TALK. I talk and talk and talk about it. I take everything he says and make it about what it is I want him to do.
“I love you.”
“I would love you more if you took out the trash.”
“Have you seen my pants?”
“No, I can’t see anything but the trash that’s sitting there waiting for you to take it out.”
“Where’s my wallet?”
“It’s outside. You should take the trash out on your way to look for it.”
April 5th, 2009 at 8:26 am
baseballmom says:
That’s why I make the 13 year old take the garbage out…I can bribe him with airsoft ammunition or itunes cards!
baseballmoms last blog post..Sun!
April 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Jerseygirl89 says:
Promise him a blowjob. Then when he forgets, you can tell him that you forgot how to give head.
BTW, “loving wife”, does it bother your husband that you have no sense of humor?
April 7th, 2009 at 8:00 pm