Last summer I wrote a post about what a total pain in the ass it was to get the kids ready and going for Vacation Bible School in the middle of summer. They were used to sleeping in and waking them up early for bible school was KILLING me. Remember that? (That post is actually the most viewed post on this site! Weird, huh? Go back and read it and just try counting all the grammatical/spelling errors! It’s fun!)
And then, do you remember how I went to a wedding once? In a church? And I was all GOD DAMN IT. Outloud. In front of all these church people? Remember?
Even if you don’t take the twenty seconds to click through and read those links, just answer the following questions real quick:
1. Am I church-y?
2. Am I a good role model?
3. Would you trust me with your precious little bible-lovin’ children?
4. Do you think I’ve ever actually read the bible?
5. Is “bible” supposed to be capitalized?
The answers, in case you couldn’t guess, are no, no, I CERTAINLY HOPE NOT, no, and probably.
You can imagine my surprise when I was dropping Cindy-Lu off at preschool, which just happens to be at the church the kids attend with their grandmother, and her preschool teacher, who I love and adore, pulled me aside to ask me a question.
Y’all. I was totally caught off guard. I expected her to ask me to tell Cindy-Lu to quit using the word “hate” so often or to remember to bring Cindy-Lu’s book bag to school with her. Or maybe she’d ask me why the pictures Cindy-Lu draws of her daddy all contain a third leg. Most likely, she’d ask me to tell Cindy-Lu to stop mentioning how it tickles her ‘gina when she jumps up and down.
I did NOT expect her to ask me to help at Vacation Bible School this summer.
Me. At Vacation Bible School.
I think it’s a good sign that my first response was “Oh my gosh, really?” instead of “ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?”
I just hope I can keep up the good person act for an entire week. Pray for me, internets.
Scout's Honor says:
Bwahahahaha…better you than me. Good luck!
Scout’s Honors last blog post..Got Kindle? Add a Side of Wasabi, My Friends
May 17th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Aliceson says:
Reminds me of the time I got roped into being on the steering committee for a Christian moms group. I’m not even a Christian! For the record I learned my lesson.
Good luck… or more appropriately God bless or God speed or whatever those religious types say.
Alicesons last blog post..As Promised
May 17th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Leslie says:
hee hee hee
Leslies last blog post..Runnin’ Runnin’ And Runnin’ Runnin, Like The Black Eyed Peas
May 17th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
Zephra says:
Your screwed. Wait. Can I saw screwed in a post about church? I am not too church friendly either. I haven’t been inside of a church in 19 years except for a wedding once.
Zephras last blog post..
May 17th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Swistle says:
OMG how funny. As someone who, in a different stage of life, helped with Vacation Bible School, I can give this advice: “Winging it” doesn’t really work with Bible stories.
Swistles last blog post..Never Crabby
May 18th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Karen Sugarpants says:
Bwahahaha…glad it’s you and not me! I can’t wait to hear about this adventure.
May 18th, 2009 at 7:03 am
Ashlie- Mommycosm says:
Most likely, she’d ask me to tell Cindy-Lu to stop mentioning how it tickles her ‘gina when she jumps up and down.
LMAO!!!! Oh dear God – this should be interesting. I went to 12 years of Catholic school, Baptist Sunday School and Congregational Vacation Bible Camp growing up – and I still couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be a preschool teacher either. Church and school? Together? Yeah, good luck to you
Ashlie- Mommycosms last blog post..Glitch
May 18th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Trenches of Mommyhood says:
Good luck on dodging that lightning! Heee heee.
Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..I Have the Blog Blahs
May 18th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Nan says:
This is going to be fun! Yeah, I’ll pray fer ya… To Saraswati, Goddess of learning and creative endeavours!
Nans last blog post..LOSSSST In An Underground Cave Filled With Leeches In The Jungle!!!!
May 18th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Stacey says:
Wait, you said YES?!
Are you running low on blog fodder?
Staceys last blog post..Strength Training Me No Likey
May 18th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Cameron says:
All I have to say to you is: neener, neener, neener…ha, ha ha, ha ha ha.
Of course that’s not all I have to say, did you buy that?
You should write a book (or maybe a mini-series). You can call it “Satan goes to school”.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Mrs Soup says:
That is awesome. And you don’t have to be church-y to be a good role model.
Just love! ^.^
Mrs Soups last blog post..The Grand Ole Opera
May 18th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Christine says:
Yikes. Good luck with that. I love Cameron’s idea. You should totally do a mini-blogging serious. Or Twitter. Tweeting for Jesus. It’d be great.
Christines last blog post..Home Made Pita Chips
May 18th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
I can’t wait to read the blog posts about this. Hee hee.
Secret Mom Thoughtss last blog post..Not Me Monday
May 18th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Texan Mama says:
I have one word for you:
SUCKAH.
See, since you don’t attend church regularly, the teacher knew she could prey on the weak. She had probably exhausted all her contacts in the congregation and was looking high and low for any warm bodies.
Not to say that you’re not prime bible-educating material for tomorrows pastors and church workers.
Just sayin, every year I’ve volunteered it was because I said, “I’ll do it if you ask EVERYONE ELSE and you can’t find anyone else.” And every year I get roped in.
So, have fun!
Texan Mamas last blog post..Surviving
May 18th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Amber says:
Good luck with that.
I don’t think I could do it. I can have a filthy mouth when I get frustrated or am overly tired.
Ambers last blog post..The Duck Tool
May 19th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Jill says:
Oh boy! Good luck with that!
Jills last blog post..Friday Funday
May 19th, 2009 at 9:56 am
WM says:
Wow….so you know what would have been really awesome?
If you would have passed out right there. Then woke up quickly and said “Are you shitting me?”
That would have been rad.
WMs last blog post..With a little bit of salt, this foot might taste a right bit of good
May 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Catootes says:
You’re restraint is admirable.
In a similar irony, earlier this year I was asked to take on a new set of publisher accounts at work.
The entire religious publishing sector. ALL OF THEM.
Me, the resident pagan.
There is absurdity in the force.
Catootess last blog post..the good & the bad
May 20th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
thatgirl says:
I just signed up my kids for Bible (caps) school here in town. Now I have to worry about the helpers being like you (me). Effing great news…
thatgirls last blog post..Dreams…
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 am
hair says:
Interesting post. You have obviously done the research on this. It can be hard to find decent information about this in my experience. i will bookmark this site and check it out again in the future. thanks
May 26th, 2009 at 1:19 am
girls love hair says:
wow..I love to find blogs like this that really look at women’s issues. thanks. will return..
May 26th, 2009 at 2:51 am
anna see says:
This is so funny! I’ll pray for you AND the kids. Hee Hee! P.S. They have great snacks at VBS.
anna sees last blog post..In the Blink of a (Red) Eye
May 26th, 2009 at 5:34 pm