One would think that spending an entire week spreading the word of God and passing out goldfish crackers and wiping other children’s asses would generate a lot of good karma, but alas, one would be wrong. My back is all jacked up. In fact, as I type this, I’m a bit high from the Tussionex cough syrup that I just took. No, I don’t have a cough, I took it for my back. What? It was the only narcotic I had in the house. I love narcotics.Please forgive any spelling and/or grammatical errors. Also, this may not make any sense at all, especially considering that I’ve completely forgotten what it was I sat down to tell you about.
Moving on to happier topics, Vacation Bible School is over, thank the Lord. I managed to behave quite well, if I do say so myself. There was only one incident where I came very close to harming someone and that someone wasn’t even a child. It was my seventh grade helper. She was playing dominoes on the floor with the other helper while I was wrangling five three year old children and muttering quietly to myself about how you just can’t find good help anymore when I heard Seventh Grader start to WHINE because Three Year Old had the audacity to interrupt her game of dominoes. Three Year Old then proceeded to climb all over Seventh Grader and Seventh Grader looked at me and tattled on Three Year Old. No, I’m not kidding. She sat on the floor, was shocked and upset to learn that three year old children like to climb on people who sit on floors, and then she whined to me that Three Year Old was HURTING her. She didn’t bother to pick up or remove Three Year Old, she just sat there and WHINED about it. I ignored it for as long as possible, because REALLY, you are three times that child’s size, YOU CAN HANDLE THIS BY YOURSELF. But then I decided that if she didn’t shut up I would have to stab her and stabbing people in church is generally frowned upon so I picked Three Year Old up and played a puzzle with her.
At closing ceremony on Friday one of the kids started dancing around saying she had to go potty. I hate the closing ceremony because it’s when all the pre-school classes come together and sing church-y songs that I don’t know the words to and all the kids and all the teachers are singing and doing hand motions and I’m standing there looking like a heathen who doesn’t know the words. I jumped at the chance to take the girl to the bathroom to avoid the singing, but of course the child had diarrhea and probably the singing would have been preferable. Remember how I said wiping snot off of children who you did not squeeze from your vagina was gross? Yes, well. Wiping diarrhea is so very much worse.
Wow. I just kind of blanked out there for a few minutes. That Tussionex is good stuff.
I should probably go to bed now, although poor Cleatus would probably prefer I didn’t. He said that last night I whimpered and cried all night. I don’t really remember it much though since I was all doped up. Whatever. Like he really needs sleep anyway.
Over and out.
Charliee says:
Try taking some midol for your back. It contains a mild muscle relaxer. I was given this tip b a nurse friend and it worked for me. The wife sure got a laugh when I asked her to get me some midol.
June 21st, 2009 at 6:40 am
Leslie says:
Aw, Karly! I hope you feel better soon.
I love narcotics!
June 21st, 2009 at 9:12 am
Jennifer W. says:
Ewwww. You just reminded me what I’ll be doing in the Pedi ER starting tomorrow. Thanks for that. My kid pooped on the bedroom floor this morning and I laughed and threw it away. One of her friends ever comes over and poops on my floor I might have to sit her on the porch holding her poop in a bag until her mother comes over. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.
June 21st, 2009 at 11:11 am
Jill says:
Methinks Cleatus needs to commence the massaging!
June 21st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
Glad you made it through bible camp without hurting anyone. Hope your back feels better soon.
June 21st, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Jen says:
Congrats for making it through VBS. I was similarly roped in many many years ago. It was a strangely memorable experience, though I did not have to take a trip to the bathroom on the last day as you did. Ew.
June 21st, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Sissy says:
You are so stinkin’ funny, I adore you! Now I gotta go find my narcotics. You just reminded me how much I love them, too.
June 21st, 2009 at 7:53 pm
MamaBug says:
Thou art a hoot, oh smited one!
I love my hidden stash of Vicodin. Enjoy the ride and hope you heal soon…
June 21st, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Tosha says:
“But then I decided that if she didn’t shut up I would have to stab her and stabbing people in church is generally frowned upon”
I do believe you are my hero! I almost sent water flying out my nose when reading that.. Well done!
June 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 am
Mrs Soup says:
Hurray for surviving! I’m so proud! *sniff*
And take it easy! Take a hot bath, get a massage and take a good long nap with a heating pad!
June 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 am
BlueBella says:
Nice work. Take this as an opportunity to visit the doctor and procure more narcotics! Which reminds me, my stash is gone. . . . I need to develop a backache. . .
Feel better!
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
patois says:
What is it about the fluids coming from our own children that we find somehow less disgusting than the fluids coming from others? That’s just plain weird. But I’m as weird as the next.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:36 am