I’m back from BlogHer and, yes, I had a great time. I’m still trying to process it all and as soon as I do, I will write up a post for those of you who are interested. For those of you that are not interested, I’ll include a link to some free porn.
In the meantime I thought I would share this little story about my daughter and what an absolute asshole she is.
While I was at BlogHer the kids stayed with my parents for a few nights. One of those nights Cindy-Lu was playing the Wii and, when Eeyore asked her for a turn, she refused to share. My mom, having really never had to discipline my kids much before (they’re usually actually very well-behaved), repeatedly asked Cindy-Lu to give up the controller. Cindy-Lu knows that her Granny is just a sweet old lady (okay, minus the old part) that pretty much lets her get away with anything from eating cookies for breakfast to picking all the flowers in her garden, so she refused to hand over the controller. Finally my mom got down and tried to physically remove the controller from Cindy-Lu’s hand, and, well, Cindy-Lu kicked her in the boob.
My daugther kicked her grandmother in the boob.
I have obviously instilled a deep respect for their elders in my children and I win at parenting.
When I got home today I started lecturing Cindy-Lu about hitting and kicking and being kind to our family. Cindy-Lu responded by lying and saying that she never kicked her Granny. I told her that Granny had called and told me about it.
“Well, Granny wasn’t mad that I kicked her. She thought it was funny.”
I told her that Granny was very mad that she had kicked her and that was why she had gotten a time out.
Then I had a brilliant parenting idea and decided to lay on the guilt. I went on to say that not only was Granny very angry that Cindy-Lu had kicked her but her feelings were hurt too. I told Cindy-Lu that Granny called me and she was so sad that it was quite possible she was crying because family should never hit or kick each other and we should always treat each other with love and respect, and how was Granny supposed to know that Cindy-Lu loved her if she was kicking her in the boobs?
“You don’t want to make the people you love sad, do you?” I asked.
“But, I don’t love Granny,” she replied. “I only love my one girl, Cinderella.”
And, yes, I totally told her that Cinderella doesn’t like little assholes so she better start at least PRETENDING to love her Granny. Like I said, I win at parenting.
Texan Mama says:
Oh golly I am guessing you are not one of the mommy-bloggers who plans to use this blog as a memoir that your children can read someday.
Because, you know, calling your kid an asshole is just much too… honest.
I’m honest like that too. And I don’t let my kids read my blog now, or ever. In fact, I may change my URL if I ever catch them reading it.
July 26th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Aunt Becky says:
Your daughter is my hero.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
I love it when other mothers call their kids assholes too.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake says:
Also, could you go ahead and email me that link to porn now?
July 27th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Ashlie- Mommycosm says:
She may have been an asshole – but she’s SO CUTE!!
Keep on working on the guilt thing – one day it will stick. No worries.
July 27th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Jill says:
Guess she won’t be getting these anytime soon:
http://www.buy.com/retail/product.asp?sku=210831065&listingid=38959009&dcaid=17902
Awesome meeting and hanging out with you! Total BFFs!!
July 27th, 2009 at 8:37 am
SCY says:
I’m not a mom myself but I know for sure that guilt works
my mom used it on me ALL THE TIME! I still have guilt pangs sometimes about the crap I used to get up to…
xxx
July 27th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Audrey at Barking Mad says:
Having been kicked in the boob can I just say, OUCH!!!!
Despite being naughty, she sure as hell is cute.
Oh and the guilt thing, I thought that only worked with Jewish moms? Because lemme tell ya, I’m 40 and mine (she’s Jewish) still lays it on pretty thick and I walk away with my head down and tail (well if I had one) between my legs.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Mrs. Schmitty says:
OMG that face!!! She and my daughter would be the best of friends, I tell you. R. kicks me in the boobs on a regular basis.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:39 am
rachel-asouthernfairytale says:
owie
It’s amazing how they can act out sometimes and we know it’s not the real them… right?
It’s that little stinker that lives inside them adn likes to come out at the worst moments 
Meeting you at BlogHer was such a joy! You are an absolute doll and I’m sorry that we didn’t get more time together!!!
July 27th, 2009 at 9:44 am
anna see says:
Those pics are priceless.
I lay on the guilt, too, which is weird b/c my mom NEVER did.
July 27th, 2009 at 10:01 am
thatgirlblogs says:
maybe you should tell her about robin hood’s granny. scare the little a… OK, I can’t call her that.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:45 am
thatgirlblogs says:
OK wait, I meant Red Riding Hood’s granny. I suck at fairytales.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Shannon says:
LOL. I have the same denial problem with my 3 year old. “Did you hit your sister?” “No.” “I saw you hit your sister.” “No I didn’t.” Today he had to have a half hour time out (during which I periodically checked on him and asked him to tell me the truth) on his bed before he finally admitted to hitting her. Why are kids so goddamn stubborn???
July 27th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Kristen says:
OK – she may be an spunky little devil, but she sure is gorgeous! Love those pictures.
Bummed I didn’t get to meet you at BlogHer! I’m sure you’ve heard all the insane crazy hubabaloo about the Nikon party. I’ve heard it was a great time and that they through an awesome event. Next year I’ll be baby free & plan to party it up
July 27th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Zephra says:
I love a Mom who can admit that their kids can be asses sometimes. Your daughter…she’s lucky she is so cute. Think you can fly down here and take some pics of my kids? You are getting really good at it.
July 27th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
corrin says:
At least she’s cute, right?
And how did we not meet up at Blogher?! So disappointed.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
sam {temptingmama} says:
I want to keep you. I wish you had jumped into my suitcase and came home with me.
I LOVE YOU!!! xo
Your daughter is gorgeous, just like her mama.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Christine says:
I know that like 37 other people said it, but your daughter is gorgeous! And I deny everything too. It’s really for the best.
July 27th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
the planet of janet says:
you’re toast, ya know. toast.
July 27th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Emily says:
She looks way too cute to be such an asshole! But I am DYING of laughter at that story.
July 28th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
So deceptively sweet looking it is hard to believe she is such an asshole.
July 28th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Leslie says:
Well, she may have acted like an asshole, but she’s exceedingly cute. It all balances out.
July 28th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Amber says:
She can’t be an asshole! Look at that face!
July 28th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Nan says:
You’re just making all that up, in the hopes that we’ll feel sorry for you and send you chocolate. One look at those pictures of your daughter and anyone can tell that she is perfect in every way. And would never kick a grandmother in the boob.
Incidentally, I know my kids will one day read my blog, so I can’t call them assholes. *sigh*
July 29th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Angella says:
Oh my word. She is too adorable for words. Those EYES.
July 29th, 2009 at 10:08 am
baseballmom says:
You shoulda just told her that her granny’s boob fell off- just to see the look on her face! My kids are assholes too, and at least I have school to look forward to…
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Lokol13 says:
I am disgusted by this post in so many ways. I feel it’s unethical to paint your own kids in such a negative light, even sarcastically, in a public forum, and reveal pictures of them to the whole of the internet so that you can make a living (in part or whole) off your blog. This is not writing about parenting in a valuable way. It’s just bitterness vented. Awful. Sad. Makes me fear becoming a parent.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Mom of 4 says:
Does this poor kid have any chance at all of growing up to be a decent human being? Ya know, I totally get the exhaustion of being a parent, but if a mother can’t be her child’s best advocate, there is something seriously wrong. I really feel for her if your best humor lines are found in demeaning your daughter.
August 21st, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Gina says:
Oh, the “unethical, no chance of being a decent human being” symphony has begun. Fuck that noise. Kids can be big assholes. That’s why God makes them cute – to balance the assholery.
August 23rd, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Nickie says:
Ok, I got a good giggle out of that. And I have read the comments. I totally did not see this post as you demeaning your child but rather as you demeaning your parenting, in a sarcastic way. (And this is my first time visiting, ever. Came over from that Poop blog that was linked on another blog… damn that’s confusing.) I guess the blog police will be after me next for writing that my 11 year daughter is bitchy when it’s that time of the month.
Now I’m going to read some more of your blog… and will probably be adding you to my blogroll.
August 24th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Shelly says:
Total support here. I read the Poop post, but didn’t know who it was referring to. Then, I read Gina’s post and clicked on your comment. Those people should relax. You’re only saying the things we ALL think.
September 1st, 2009 at 10:33 am