While all of you bitches are off giddily shopping for school supplies and backpacks and new shoes so that you can send your babies away for 8 hours a day, I’m stuck at home creating schedules and lesson plans and trying to restrain myself from driving over to the nearest public school and begging them to take my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I still love homeschooling.
Well, no, that’s kind of a lie.
I love what homeschooling does for my family. I love the flexibility, I love that my kids get to spend time with their daddy (he works weird hours and they’d never see him if they went to public school), I love having a reason to buy truck loads of books. I love that I don’t worry about bullies or bad influences. I love that my son’s teacher likes him and treats him nicely (most of the time). I love not having to wake up at 6am to get everyone out the door on time. I love not spreading peanut butter and jelly on bread every god damned morning before I’ve gotten a chance to even shower.
I do NOT love actually, you know, teaching my kids and being patient with them. I don’t love that some days I want nothing more than to lock them in their rooms and demand that they KEEP IT DOWN, MUMMY WANTS TO DRINK HER VODKA IN PEACE. I don’t love spending mumblemumblesevenhundredmumbledollars on books and knowing that I’ll be spending more throughout the year when I find books that look SO GREAT I can’t pass them up even though I have a pile of books that we’ll never get to already. I don’t love all this planning and scheduling and staying sober so that I don’t accidentally schedule Eeyore to practice his alphabet and Cindy-Lu to practice her long division. I also don’t love long division. I really don’t love that Eeyore wants to learn computer programming and I’m going to have to teach it to him.
I’m just a big whiner today. I don’t love that either. It’s just that everyone else gets so happy and cheerful at this time of year, because they know that soon, so very soon, summer break is over. I’m jealous, yo.
I’m not quite ready for fourth grade AND kindergarten this year. I’m scared. Cindy-Lu could totally kick my ass if she tried and God knows, she’ll probably try. Eeyore is in fourth grade this year and I really feel like we need to push a little harder. Book reports and speeches and term papers and the SATs. You know, usual fourth grade shit.
I guess I do get to participate in a little back to school excitement though, since Cindy-Lu starts three days of pre-school in September. Yes, even though I homeschool I still send her to pre-school. Yes, I know you think that’s weird. Yes, we are doing Kindergarten and pre-school the same year. Yes, I KNOW, you think that’s nuts.
Did any of you actually read this long rambly post? No? I don’t blame you. It didn’t make a lot of sense, did it?
Kay says:
Yep, read the whole thing. Definitely confused on the kindergarten and pre school in the same year. As for why you do them if you’re going to home school… that I think I get. At that age the social skills they learn is important, right?
Oh… I get it. You do K at home, and pre-K at a school?
Not confusing at all. I don’t think. Or that could be the medication talking
August 10th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
MamaBug says:
Yeah, as I sit here sipping on my wine cooler (‘cuz I’m that kind of classy lady) I totally get you and your wonderful post about the pain-in-the-ass ass pain of home schooling. I know there are some wonderful benefits, it’s just. so. hard.
sigh. I’m so tired now.
August 10th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Cherie says:
You know that you can get a teacher’s discount at your local chain book store, right? Barnes & Noble and Borders both offer 20% off for regular teachers and homeschooling parents. You probably know that, but as a bookstore-worker I wanted to make sure.
August 10th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Nan says:
I totally understand… Last term we homeschooled because of our move, and it was wonderful. But boy am I looking forward to the new term! I have had my kids every single day since March, and I sorely need a long lunch with wine and friends! And a job.
I think pre-K and homeschool-K is a good plan. Cindy-Lu will enjoy plotting with her friends what she’s gonna do to you the other days of the week, then reporting back. It’s socialization!
August 11th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Karen Sugarpants says:
You’re crazy. That’s all I’m saying. I could never homeschool. I’m pretty sure I’d get too explain-y (and make up stupid words like that) and my kids would tune out. Plus they are in French school and I don’t know a lick of French.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:50 am
anna see says:
I read the whole thing. I am NOT looking forward to the rush out the door in the morning, the homework, and the sports starting up. But I get what you dread, too. Home schooling is not for me.
August 11th, 2009 at 7:47 am
patois says:
Yeah, even though I was educated in public schools, I managed to read the whole thing! Can’t wait to hear how bored she is in preschool doing baby stuff.
August 11th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Ashlie- Mommycosm says:
I’m almost definitely going to be homeschooling in the near future – for a little while, at least. We are planning an extended escape to Aruba this winter. Still trying to work out the details. The kids are starting off with their public and pre schools. We’re pulling them in Dec. I might need to cry on your *virtual* shoulder come January, OK?
Thanks for being honest about it – I think I’ll love the flexibility, but hate the actual teaching part, too. If I wanted to be a teacher, well, I would’ve majored in education in college.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Aunt Becky says:
Dude. I’d shoot myself if I homeschooled. NOT, mind you, because I don’t love my kids. But because I am a shitty teacher. Period.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Michelle says:
I am with Aunt Becky–All I know is someone would get shot! I don’t homeschool (obviously) but I am still not ready for school to start. Since I work outside the home, having them home all day doesn’t bother me a bit! I love not having to make lunches not homework to correct, etc.. We start on Monday. That is not right.
August 11th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Catootes says:
I admit that I am in awe, mostly, of those that homeschool. Because, as a member of my local board of education, I can see what a clusterfuck the school systems can be.
On the flip side of that is, holy shit, I could never homeschool my kids because trying to teach long division to anyone would just about send me to the padded room. Not to mentionthat my patience level getting my two to brush their teeth sits at the same level as the scotch bottle, which is almost empty.
August 12th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Jill says:
Everybody deserves a whine now and then, particularly when you chase it with a little wine! You could always follow my SIL’s method and just sit each of them in front of their own DVD player and have some random woman on the TV teach them for you. Think of how much blogging you’d get done!!
August 12th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Audrey at Barking Mad says:
There’s no way I could ever home school. I lack the patience and brains. You have some serious stones mama, I am in awe.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Lisa says:
I could never home school, without injury involved. You are my idol. And I managed to have two in college so far.
August 17th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
amanda says:
I adore my kids and I homeschooled for high school. I have no desire to let them be homeschooled as 4 and 6 yr old as I like NOT being bald. I try and mantain what they learned over the summer but when I talk all they hear is charlie browns teacher!
August 18th, 2009 at 7:10 am
Everyday Earth says:
Hi… I found your blog on the BloggersChoiceAwards website and think the Wiping Up Snot blog is great! I voted for you, I write for the Our Everyday Earth – Green Blog and wondered if you would vote for us in the best Education blog category;
http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/78212
Thanks in advance
August 18th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
ali says:
seriously, I wish I had half the patience that homeschooling parents have. I just don’t have it in me.
August 19th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Kirara says:
We’re going to be doing the preschool/kindergarten thing too. You’re not alone.
It makes sense to me.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:41 pm
thatgirlblogs says:
god I wish I was smart enough to homeschool… what does Eeyore do for social stuff? sports? Gah I can’t even tell you how jealous I am.
August 21st, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Stacey says:
I spent the whole day watching my little sister make my mom crazy to the point that the poor woman is yelling “I’m bringing champagne to the bus stop on the first day of school!” My mom doesn’t even drink.
August 22nd, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Leslie says:
I am in awe of you and the homeschooling thing. I’d be so, so bad at it. I can’t even organize my utensil drawer in the kitchen. How could I organize lesson plans and stuff? You are amazing.
Leslie´s last blog ..My Little Pooh Bear
October 25th, 2009 at 2:26 am