Today I took my kids shopping. We were shopping for FIVE hours. Now, five hours of shopping sounds quite blissful until you factor in the “I took my kids with me” part and then you realize that five hours is more like torture.
It didn’t matter that my kids were perfect little angels, five hours is just too long for one woman to spend with two children in a shopping mall.
Five hours in a shopping mall with children is also a guarantee that you are going to have to enter at least one public restroom, because, to kids, public restrooms are like amusement parks, only better because of the added fun of germs and me shouting DON’T TOUCH THAT.
Cindy-Lu and I walked in the restroom by the food court and headed to the one stall not occupied. I held the door open for Cindy-Lu and asked her if she could go by herself or if she needed me to squeeze in the tiny little stall with her. Before she could answer me some lady piped up from the next stall that there was pee all over the toilet seat we were about to use and to just wait a minute and we could use her stall.
Um, okay. Sure. I appreciate the thought and I’m certainly glad that Cindy-Lu didn’t stick her hands or butt in someone else’s pee, but I’m a little weireded out by strangers talking to me while they are urinating.
We heeded her advice, however, and just a second later the lady came flying out of the stall, her pants still UNZIPPED and UNBUTTONED as she held the stall door open and gestured to Cindy-Lu to go ahead.
That’s the next logical step in a relationship right? First you pee while talking to each other and then you zip your pants in front of each other. Totally normal way to start a friendship.
NEXT, because of course there is more to this story, the lady proceeded to tell me about a job she used to have that involved cleaning a public toilet and one time some girl got blood all over the seat and didn’t wipe it off and she had to clean it up and OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO MEEEEEEE?
And no, she didn’t wash her hands before she left the bathroom.
Cin says:
Ewww. Just, ewww. Gracie also thinks that we have to take a gander at every john within a 5 mile radius of wherever the hell we are. And what’s the deal with talkie talkie pee lady?? Do you have ‘please tell me your life story’ stamped on your forehead? I didn’t think so. Yet people still feel the need to share. Hmph. Love the daily blogging btw!
September 4th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Momish says:
Five hours in a mall with kids, you deserve an award! Why do they love public restrooms? It’s so true! I hope you squeezed out some fab deals during your ordeal.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Michelle says:
Three days in a row! Awesome! You have inspired me to get off my ass and actually post something this weekend.
Pee lady? Ewww.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Texan Mama says:
See, now, that’s not so hard is it? Writing a post every day? You’re doing it! You’re really doing it!
And this post was so very funny. I can’t imagine what I would have done except probably appeased her and laughed and gagged at all the appropriate spots in the conversation. And then turned the water faucet on for her. “Here, let me get the sink for you…”
That’s just gross. She probably went and ate some popcorn chicken after that. hands -> food -> mouth. Yuck.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Cherie says:
The other day while I was at work, I tried to excuse myself from a long-winded customer so I could pee, and she FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BATHROOM and CONTINUED THE CONVERSATION while I peed. I mean, I may be passionate about books, but I’m not quite comfortable recommending young adult fantasy while TAKING A PISS, KTHNX.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Sincerely, Jenni says:
omg, you helped prove to me this morning that YES, INDEED, my gag reflex is still working…
My least favorite episode in a public restroom usually involves finding someone else’s turd smeared on the seat, OR finding one that has been floating so long in the toilet that the water around it is discolored.
Seriously, how do these things happen?
September 5th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Rachel says:
Yuck!
I make all my kids wear diapers whenever we leave the house, even the 9 year old.
September 5th, 2009 at 7:10 am
Shannon says:
EW. I hate public bathrooms. I hate trying to keep my 3 year old from opening the door while I’m peeing or peeking under the stall at the person next to us. I hate those goddamn automatic flushers that always go off while my kids are sitting on the toilet. I hate that the counters are always too tall and the soap dispensers are 8 feet off the ground so the kids can never wash their hands by themselves. I hate automatic paper towels/soap dispensers that can’t sense me and never work for me. I hate the way manual paper towel dispensers get bunged up all the time and then you just tear off little tiny pieces that are useless. I hate hand dryers that barely blow at all. But I LOVE those industrial hand dryers that practically blast the flesh off my hands. The ability to dry one’s hands in 5 seconds is a gift to mothers everywhere!
September 5th, 2009 at 9:33 am
patois says:
I can only abide by public restrooms by reminding myself that the toilet sears are not the most germ-infested part. The door handles are. Ewwww.
September 5th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Res says:
And you thought it would be tough to blog everyday . . . . look what interesting events life provides for you when you need them. UGH, Bathroom etiquette should be taught in school!
September 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Jill says:
What in God’s name were you doing in a mall for 5 hours? Are you insane?
September 5th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
Blood! Way more information than ever needed.
September 7th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
shoeaddict says:
Gross! I am, of course, the expert in all public restrooms near me right now. I know all the best ones in town. How fun am I?
September 9th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
parkingathome says:
Geez, I might be able to understand the pants undone thing if your kid was screaming about how they needed to go right this very moment, but it was so casual! the only thing she could have done to top it off would be to not flush
September 15th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Chat says:
Was very nice thank you healthy for your hands
September 24th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Chat says:
Thank you very much .. Fans like you for your interest
September 25th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Leslie says:
Blurgh! Gross! People are disgusting!
Leslie´s last blog ..My Little Pooh Bear
October 25th, 2009 at 2:11 am
LauraLCD says:
That’s just disgusting. Some people who use those restrooms are more gross than the bathrooms themselves. That lady is a creeper.
October 28th, 2009 at 4:07 pm