The bullets! They are back!
- Today I went to the shoe store and made Eeyore try on fifty pairs of shoes and then we both finally agreed on a pair that weren’t A.) too expensive, B.) horrendously ugly and C.) too difficult for him to get on and off of his precious little feet. I went up to the register and I waited. Then I waited some more. About five minutes later I was about to start screaming when someone walked up and thanked me for waiting. I was too angry to tell her it was no problem. I just did that fake grimace-smile thing that I do when I hate your guts and wish you were dead. Then she rang the shoes up and they cost $70 and I had a stroke because every other pair of shoes I looked at were under $40 and most pairs were $29, but apparently the Nike’s that we finally agreed upon were made out of golden unicorn shit or something because SEVENTY AMERICAN DOLLARS. So, all that waiting just so I could shout JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS? and she said no, they were $70 and I said NO THANK YOU, HAVE A NICE DAY and I shot her that grimace-smile I do and wished she was dead.
- I went to Sears to buy some shoes today because the shoe store shoes were too expensive (see bullet 1) and they didn’t have ONE EFFING PAIR in Eeyore’s size so I gave up on finding shoes and went to buy socks for him and Cleatus and then I died when I realized that I paid $21 for 16 pairs of socks that were not even name brand or fancy and didn’t have any swoops or anything on the ankles. When did socks get so expensive?
- When did I get so cheap?
- I didn’t blog yesterday and have officially failed at writing every day for thirty days and I was so stressed out about this last night that I almost couldn’t sleep and once I even got completely out of bed and stood there in the dark contemplating getting my laptop and just POSTING. But then I decided fuck that noise, quality is better than quantity and if I don’t have anything to say maybe I should just go to sleep. So, I lied back down and I had a brilliant post idea. But then I fell asleep and now I don’t remember what it was.
- I was all thinking ahead and stuff today so I stopped and got $20 out of the ATM so that I could order our dinner from this little place that delivers but doesn’t take the debit card and I was so proud of myself for remembering to get money. Then I got home and our lawn mower boy was here and guess what? He expected me to give him $20 so now my entire family is going to starve because I’m a douche bag who fails at life.
- I signed Eeyore up for a speech class and ohmigod he is totally going to knife me in my sleep. He is the most quiet little boy ever and lately I have been making him SPEAK UP, MAMA IS OLD AND SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU, but he doesn’t really listen and so he just mumbles all the time and it’s seriously driving me insane. So as punishment practice, I signed him up for a local homeschool speech class and he’s going to have to give speeches. To people. Out loud. It makes me cringe and get all nervous feeling for him because I know how hard it will be for him, but it also makes me giggle a little, because dude, he needs to learn how to speak the eff up. And I know speech class isn’t really about talking loudly, but I’m hoping the teacher will help him just be more comfortable speaking AT ALL, because seriously. He doesn’t talk much.
- I have plans to clean the hell out of my house this weekend. Like, really scrub it and stuff, so all week long I’ve let stuff pile up and my bathroom smells like pee and the garbage is overflowing and I haven’t folded laundry in a month and I just keep pretending it’s okay because lalalalala, going to clean this weekend! This weekend is going to suck.
Cherie says:
WTF, even $40 for a pair of kid’s shoes? I don’t even spend that much on my OWN shoes!
September 9th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Cin says:
I. Love. You. It’s like you’re the thin version of me. We so need to get together sometime.
September 9th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
del says:
Hey did you just post about my life? I gave in and purchased insanely expensive shoes for boy-child, of course he had no damn socks to wear with them so he ends up wearing my socks most of the time. On what planet does a 7 year old fit in to my ginormous socks? As for the funky smelling bathroom, laundry everywhere and general state of chaos, it is just going to have to stay that way longer, I am taking a day (or 2) off domesticity.
September 9th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Lisa says:
Funny! I am also a douchebag who sucks at life on the number 5…
This week I had 20 bucks in my wallet and left it at home. After work I was out with my aunt and wanted to go to the store but because my 2 yo was home with the SITTER I didnt want to stop and get my wallet so I borrowed 20 from my aunt that I would pay back when we got home to my wallet. Went to store, bought us both coffee and feeling proud at my generousity… until I got home to my wallet and the SITTER expecting her $20 bucks too… FAIL. Long story not much longer, the poor sitter had to come out to walmart with me (I needed dog food) so I could pay her HER $20 canadian dollars at the machine then her ride picked up a walmart instead of my house… Oh epic suck.
September 9th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Jill says:
Um… are you drunk?
p.s. If you want to relive the sangria experience we had in Chicago, see if your local liquor store has Real Sangria. Because, dude, it tastes almost exactly the same. And you could be thinking about me when you drink it!
p.p.s. That sound way more lesbionic than I thought it would. Still try that shit. It’s good.
September 9th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Texan Mama says:
Dude, that is why whenever I get money out of the ATM I always get an extra 20. The kids suck the dollars right out of me and I know I’ll need it for something. Like maybe a beer to calm my nerves.
And, I would NEVER buy my kids $70 shoes either. They’d probably last through Eeyore AND Cindy-Lu, but shit I’d rather buy 3 pairs of $20 shoes from Walmart. I have no idea why. I’m just cheap like that.
September 9th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Tamis says:
Laughed out loud reading your post today. Cut yourself some slack because today was good enough to count as 3. That means by my count you can screw up a day one more time and be peachy still.
September 9th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
kaylen says:
I just bought-ON SALE-$75 pair of shoes for my teenager.
Once they get older and actually use the shoes for normal wear, I find that it’s better to just pay a good hefty (effed up) price because otherwise in about four months-I’m buying another pair of normal ($40ish) pair of shoes. His feet have finally stopped growing in huge spurts and a quality pair of shoes should last a good amount of time.
Same with jeans-I would much rather pay the money for a pair of Levis than to get a generic pair from Sears or whatever and have them wear out at the knees/rear/cuffs way too soon. Levis last forever.
You know what else is stupidly overpriced—undershirts for men!!! They are like $5/each in a pack of three for $15.00!!! That’s just bullshit. They are WHITE. JUST white. JUST cotton!!! Cotton can not cost this much to produce!
September 10th, 2009 at 12:42 am
amy says:
I love your blog! I just started reading it and I find your negativity so refreshing! I am sickened by all the false positivity, everything is wonderful, motherhood is always rewarding nonsense. I love that you are brave enough to tell it like it is! Please don’t stop! I enjoy your recipes as well. Because really, when life sucks, fat and calories help.
September 10th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
BASEBALLMOM says:
haha-maybe T needs the speech class too…he either mumbles (especially when he is in trouble and is walking away from me) or talks so quietly that we can’t hear one word. Thirteen is going to kill me…it’s the new terrible twos. He also suckered his nanny (my mom) into a pair of $76 skateboard shoes and three pairs of $65 jeans for school…wonder if she was that nice to me when I was a kid!
September 11th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Audrey at Barking Mad says:
I’m laughing too hard at Jill’s comment about being “lesbionic”…makes me think of a bionic lesbian. Sorry, it’s stupid really, but it made me giggle.
And OMG shoes! Let me just say that again….OMG SHOES. Kids shoes especially. What the hell? They are SMALLER! Why the hell are they so stinkin’ expensive? Hello!!! Smaller does not cost more on the planet I come from. Well, actually, apparently it does I guess.
September 11th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Leslie says:
Shoes are totally expensive. Socks, too. I’m not even going to talk about underwear.
I need to clean my house. This was supposed to be the weekend. But I didn’t do it. I suck.
Leslie´s last blog ..My Little Pooh Bear
October 25th, 2009 at 2:01 am