The other night I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and one of the dudes had a big ol’ hickey on his neck and it got me thinking. Do women actually give men hickeys? I mean, do YOU give your boyfriend/husband/random guy from the bar hickeys? I’m fairly certain that I’ve never given anyone a hickey before. Am I a bad person for this? Should I add “Give Cleatus a hickey” to my bucket list? Or, better yet, maybe I should add “Give Michael Weston a hickey.”
As for receiving hickeys…do you? I mean, are you galavanting around town, dropping your children off at playdates, taking your son to soccer practice, doing your grocery shopping, and mopping the floors with HICKEYS ON YOUR NECK? Or, god forbid, elsewhere on your body? Please share. I must know.
And, because I’m asking for your hickey information, I shall share mine. I have had two hickeys in my lifetime. One was while I was in high school and it was most unfortunate. I was “dating” this boy named (oh God) Lester, which meant that a.) I heard quite a few jokes about Lester the Molester and b.) something was clearly wrong with me.
Let us go off topic for a moment here while I describe Lester. Lester was what we, back then, called a scumbag. Really, I know no nicer way to put it than that. He had no money and he did not bathe and he only owned two shirts. (I’m sorry, it was high school, there was no such thing as “compassion.”) One was a Green Bay Packers t-shirt and one was a band t-shirt (I think Metallica). How do I know these were the only two shirts he owned? Because he wore those two shirts every single day. But, because it would be totally uncool to be seen wearing the same two shirts over and over he would (OH DEAR GOD) switch back and forth between wearing them right side out and inside out. And, uh, he didn’t wash them in between wearing them either. He also had rather long, greasy blond hair (and this was not a time when long hair on boys was fashionable) and once an older girl came up behind Lester and me kissing and, noticing the long hair on both of our heads, said something about how she couldn’t believe two girls were kissing in the hall. (As if high school wasn’t hard enough…) My only excuse for dating this boy is that I think I was going through some sort of bad boy phase, and I just expected this greasy kid from the wrong side of town to be a bad boy. He really wasn’t though, because I once suggested that he come over to my house while my parents were out of town for the weekend and he acted all scandalized. So, since I couldn’t find any actual bad boys in my high school, I opted for a dirty boy. Next best thing, right?
Anyway, back to the hickey. It was Christmas break and Lester was no where to be found seeing as how he lived way across town from me. I was hanging out with some neighbor boys (who, come to think of it, were actually “bad boys”) and I ended up making out with one of them the night before we went back to school. And he totally gave me a hickey. I’m pretty sure Lester saw it, but because he was actually only dirty and not bad, he never said a word about it.
I am an asshole.
My second hickey was courtesy of my soon-to-be-husband, Cleatus, and when I say “soon-to-be” I fucking mean WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED IN TWO DAYS. And the bastard gave me a hickey. Like it was a fucking wedding present.
The worst part is, Cleatus and I were totally just goofing around, tickling each other and play fighting when all of a sudden he said something like “Wouldn’t it be funny if I gave you a hickey right before we got married?” and I screeched something like “I will fucking kill you” and then he held me down and gave me a hickey. He swears he didn’t mean to REALLY give me one, but y’all. I had a hickey on my wedding day.
Cleatus is an asshole.
Now, spill. When did you last give/get a hickey?
Cherie says:
My hickies have all been of the “Wouldn’t it be funny if I gave you a hickey?” type, except one noteable time in high school, and it was more of an actual bruise than a hickey, and it was nowhere that would show with a bra on, and I HAD SORT OF A VAMPIRE FIXATION, OKAY?
I need wedding pictures – I have to see this hickey!!
February 6th, 2010 at 2:05 am
Shannon says:
OMG, Cleatus IS an asshole!
I’ve never had or given a hickey. Am loser. But I’m ok with it. 
February 6th, 2010 at 8:53 am
anna see says:
Oh my goodness! This is hilarious. I’ve only had 1 hickey– freshman year of college. I think I kissed 3 guys my first week of college. This guy, whom we started calling “Billy Joe Bob Vamp” (as in vampire– for giving me a hickey) gave me a hickey as we kissed leaning against the outside of my dorm. Sorority rush started that week and I had a hickey. No turtlenecks the first week in September. I said it was a curling iron burn. Believeable in 1987? I’m not sure. I did get into my first choice, though.
anna see´s last blog ..Check it Out!
February 6th, 2010 at 10:44 am
Zephra says:
That is a never for me but you know I have this “thing” with spit so…
February 6th, 2010 at 11:00 am
MamaBug says:
I know I’ve had a hickey, and I’m sure it was really *romantic* and the lust horse was jumpin all over, but when I think of the technical aspects of giving/receiving a hickey I just roll my eyes. Either my skillz as a lover have obviously left the hickey-giving teen in the dust, or this 36 y-o lady is dead inside.
MamaBug´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day Cards
February 6th, 2010 at 11:45 am
Rachel says:
I must admit to have both given and recieved hickeys. But not anytime in the last 20 years or so. I gave my high-school boyfriend a pretty good one on his neck that got him razzed by his football coach for a while, but I think the only ones I ever GOT were not visible to the general public, if you catch my drift.
Rachel´s last blog ..Say What?
February 6th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Cheryl says:
I’ve had several since high school, all from my husband. Most were “Wouldn’t it be funny if I gave you a hickey?” type and WEREN”T in places I could hide easily. One I remember covering with a scarf because I couldn’t find a turtle neck shirt and I lied to myself that it was acne. My husband has received a few because I love his shoulders…mmm.
February 6th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Karen Sugarpants says:
I’ve never gotten or given one – every time I see them I think “TRASHY!” The kid that Dylan bought his xbox from at Best Buy had like 45 on his neck and I was certain I would die from the trashiness I was subjected to. Ew ew ew…
I did go to school with a Jen Hickey and that poor girl got teased badly.
February 6th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Michelle says:
Blech. I have never had or given a hickey. I think they are disgusting looking.
Michelle´s last blog ..Vinnie’s Party
February 6th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Secret Mom Thoughts says:
I think all the hickeys I had were during college and a result of too much alcohol and my then boyfriend and now husband. I gave a couple too I’m sure. Neither was intentional. I remember combing them out before I had to go to work. Fun times.
Secret Mom Thoughts´s last blog ..Weekly Winners-Week in Review
February 7th, 2010 at 6:46 am
Jessa says:
In high school I gave a guy a hickey so large and so dark that he almost got fired from his job (he was *ahem* older). I actually had to put makeup on it to try and disguise it. The only hickey I clearly remember having was when I was freshman or sophmore in high school and I was working at the local Dairy Queen. Whenever I leaned out the drive-thru window to hand out orders my hair would blow back and reveal it; the most embarrassing customer was the state trooper who came through on his lunch hour.
Jessa´s last blog ..About Dogs (38/365)
February 7th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Jennifer says:
Like you & Cleatus, me & the hubby are high school sweetehearts. I always say I’ve known him since he was 15 w/ braces. Well, for his 16th birthday, I decided to give him 16 hickeys. Totally gross, I know. He had them all over his neck and chest. What was I thinking?! Everyone saw & I was mortified. He returned the favor by giving me one on the back of my neck so big it hurt. We haven’t done gross stuff like that in the last 15 years. God, we’ve gotten old!
February 8th, 2010 at 8:35 am
kelli says:
I haven’t had one in a really long time but a guy I dated in high school used to give them to me all the time. In places covered by my bra. He said he liked the idea of knowing they were there.
I always tell my husband I’m going to give him one just for fun but he gets all skeeved out.
February 8th, 2010 at 10:23 am
Jill says:
I got a hickey the night before my great aunt’s funeral when I was in college. That wasn’t awkward at all… being with my entire family for a good part of the day, trying to play it off. My step dad totally busted me too, which was probably more mortifying than actually having the hickey.
I’m sure I got one after that, but that’s the most memorable one.
Jill´s last blog ..You’re right Urban Dictionary, I am a really awesome girl
February 8th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Angel says:
Haven’t had a hickey since high school. I figured I had to at least get a couple in my lifetime just to say I did it. I did the old cover them with makeup and turtle necks. Pathetic.
I hate hickeys. They are stupid and nasty. And I didn’t think people actually still gave other people hickeys. I mean seriously, who does that????
Oh and Lester sounds marvelous. The stuff GREAT high school stories are made of:)
Angel´s last blog ..The correlation between hygiene and productivity. It’s scientific, even.
February 9th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Crystal says:
When I first got together with my husband, he gave me a few hickeys. This was almost 10 years ago, though. After a certain age, people just look ridiculous with a hickey. Maybe any age.
Crystal´s last blog ..Hawalle
February 10th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Christine says:
Oh God. I’m totally going to out myself here. I had a hickey just a couple of years ago. My husband and I had too much to drink and he totally gave me a ginormous, horrific hickey. My mother came over the next day and while I tried to hide it, hiding it was impossible. agh. I was furious with my husband and mortified. I didn’t leave the house for days. We have a no tolerance policy for hickeys around here now.
Christine´s last blog ..Madly In Love With Me! (and Giveaway!)
February 10th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
alimartell says:
I don’t even know how to give a hickey! hahah!
and i’ve only gotten one in my entire life and it was after I had been married for ten years and I had annoyed my husband so much that he planted one on me. asshole.
alimartell´s last blog ..I Guess I’m…A Bad Nut?
February 10th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Leslie says:
I got and gave my first and only hickey at church camp. I tried to hide it when I got home with a turtleneck. It wasn’t too convincing considering it was July and I got busted.
Here’s the funny thing. Or maybe it’s the gross thing. Never again have I given or received a hickey, but my mom had one on her neck during her last vacation from work. I reminded her of it every time I saw her that week.
Leslie´s last blog ..I’m Not Ready To Give This Up. They HAVE To Let Me Read To Them.
February 11th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Cyndi says:
Oh. My. Gawd. Someone who visited my blog and read my current post about snot (Title: Great Green Gobs) said I just had to read your site and I am so glad she did! I’ve been laughing for a half hour straight. Funny things: I totally thought the same thing about the hickey on Grey’s Anatomy, I too think Michael Weston is superhot and I think my husband is superhot when he does his Michael Weston impression (If you want to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you’re going to need some bread…)and people have called me Cyndi-Lou forever. So needless to say, I’m really enjoying your blog. Thanks!
Cyndi´s last blog ..Great Green Gobs
February 11th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Cyndi says:
Oh yeah, one more thing. I’ve never gotten a hickey but this one time, at band camp? (Actually it was a band trip, not camp, but close enough.) A platonic friend who just happened to be kind of mean held down my best friend and gave her a huge freaking hickey the first day of the trip. For a whole week the chaperones gave her dirty looks and she was MORTIFIED! I still laugh about that. To this day she doesn’t think it’s a bit funny.
Cyndi´s last blog ..Great Green Gobs
February 11th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Lynn says:
Wow, high school? Maybe? I don’t recall ever having one.
I think I may have given one in college … but I can’t really remember.
I tried to give my husband one last year, but he threatened to stop changing poopy diapers if I did. I had to submit to that.
Lynn´s last blog ..Thursday 13: Anywhere But Here
February 12th, 2010 at 10:04 am
Angie says:
Sadly, I’ve both given and received hickeys before. Each time alcohol has been involved, and each time I was under the legal drinking age.
Angie´s last blog ..Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Truffles
February 15th, 2010 at 11:16 am
kristi says:
I totally used to get get hickeys all the time. When I was 18 and 19, that is!! I worked 2 jobs and I had a customer at the bakery I worked at complain to my boss about my hickeys.
I thought I was SEXAY I had no idea I looked like an idiot.
In 15 years of marriage I have had maybe 3 hickeys. They were passion marks!! LOL!
February 17th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
Trenches of Mommyhood says:
No hickeys. Given or received. But does it count that my boyz like to suck on their arms and give hickeys to themselves?
Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Exactly the Reason Why We Should Never Leave Our Trenches
February 17th, 2010 at 7:15 pm