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Archives
▼
2010
(4)
▼
March
(1)
Well, This Is Just Getting Ridiculous
►
February
(2)
Let Us Speak About Hickeys
The Girl - Adorable, Sweet, and Totally Exasperating
►
January
(1)
At Least This Story Includes My Feet Up In The Air.
►
2009
(58)
►
December
(2)
Ho Ho Ho and All That
Trying My Best To Bring The Hate
►
November
(4)
We Might Not Have Christmas Cards, But We Have Love. (I can't believe I just said that. Puke!)
Bullets of Randmoness. Or Death. You Choose.
I'm Sure Cleatus Won't Mind Getting A Second Job.
I Plan To Retaliate By Blogging About Him On The Internet. That'll Learn Him.
►
October
(2)
How Did My Life Come To This? I Mean, REALLY.
The One Where I Get All Serious And Stuff.
►
September
(9)
Yet Another Reason I Shouldn't Be Allowed To Drive
This Post Has The Word Asshole 9 Times And I'm Not Even Talking About Cleatus!
It's Been A Long Time
It's A Holiday. You Deserve A Brownie.
Even God gets a day off. This is bullshit.
Dear Jesus, I'm Not As Sweet As You Think. Amen.
I'll Never Understand Why Little Kids Love Public Restrooms.
This Is What It's Like Being Married To Cleatus.
I Pretend Like I'm Going To Follow Through With This, But Don't Get Your Hopes Up.
►
August
(3)
Little girls are full of fairy dust and sparkles. Also, boogers.
Back To School Blues. That's The Lamest Title I've Ever Used. Forgive Me.
The Pictures Are Because I Get Requests Like "More Pictures of Cleatus, Please." Not Because They Actually Have Anything To Do With This Post. Blogging Is So Hard.
►
July
(3)
Guilt: It Worked For My Mom, Why Doesn't It Work For Me?
Things That You Should Know
The Big Announcement. It's Huge, People. Huge.
►
June
(6)
The Cute Makes Up For The Naughty.
I Think I'm This Way Because I Don't Have A Soul.
I Think I've Been Smited. Or Smote. Or maybe Smitten? But Not The Love Kind of Smitten. The God Has Punished You Kind of Smitten.
I Haven't Been Fired Yet. I Guess That's Good. Kind Of.
Then and Now.
If Anyone Tells Cleatus About This I'll Be In Big Trouble.
►
May
(4)
Answer me. Do it.
They Must Be Desperate. Really, Really Desperate.
I'll Give You A Dollar If You Can Read This Without Scratching Your Head.
I Should Have Just Used The Superglue.
►
April
(7)
What's Your Biggest Weakness?
And, Boy, Were They Good.*
Getting Even
Women have the pain of childbirth, men have to go in the crawl space. Seems fair to me.
Seriously, I Am Now Pooping Reese's Eggs.
Her Moods Swing Like This Too.
Imagine Me Shaking You Like a Magic 8 Ball
►
March
(6)
This Is Why You See Blood Dripping From My Ears
My Mama
It's My Birthday and You'll Do What I Say.
DIY: Housewife Style
If I Had One Of Those Memory Wiper-Outers Like On Men In Black I Would Use It On The Internet.
Hand Your Vagina The Keyboard. I Have Some Questions For Her.
►
February
(5)
I've Been Neglecting the Bullet Points
Yes. I write poetry about snot. Do you have a problem with that?
So, I had this dream...
Things That Make Me Happy
Ah, It's Good To Be Back.
►
January
(7)
Someone Hold Me
Deep Breaths, In and Out
Perhaps I Should Find Another Hobby
18 Year Old Cleatus. I Miss Him.
Yeah, Because I'm A Mom. So I Talk About Poop.
A Glimpse
They Look Better Than They Smell Or Taste
►
2008
(135)
►
December
(9)
I Actually Kept A Secret.
Yeah, I'm Late. Get Over It.
Filled With The Christmas Spirit
A Surprise! For You! Because I Love You!
Because Seeing Your Husband Lick Himself Is Kinda Gross.
Back Off. I'm Already Taken.
I Like Words. Numbers? Not So Much.
And We Have A Winner!
All I Want For Christmas...
►
November
(7)
Squee!
Have YOU Ever Saved A Man's Life?
Because Sweet Dreams Are Not Made Of Hairy Toes
The Time I Tried To Kill Myself. Really.
The Internet Is Turning Me Into A Drunk. Also, I Hate Myself.
Listen To My Boobs For They Know Of What They Speak.
Emergency Preparedness
►
October
(8)
Ha! Hahahahaha! HAAAA!
Mutha Of The Year
If I Wasn't Going To Hell Before, I Am Now.
The Only Person To EVER Write A Blog Post Without WORDS.
Proof That He Was Switched At Birth
Pushing Pause and The Daily Whine
And A Hex Is Upon Me.
And His Birthday Present Was A Package of Socks.
►
September
(9)
This Is About My Vagina And How It Bleeds. I'm Sorry.
We're Off To See The Wizard
Officer Campbell, Grammar Police
Fall Comfort Food. Yum.
Because Duct Tape Will Fix ANYTHING
I Will Get Him For This
Because I Can't Be The Only To Stare At These For The Next Eleventy Hundred Hours
Cleatus Gets All Political
Saving For My Children's Therapy Starting Now!
►
August
(11)
My Money Tree? It Died.
Where Have All The Cowboys Go-o-oooooone?
Again, Without A Title. Where Is My Titling Mojo?
Insert Clever Witty Humorous Title
She Can Stay...But Only To Piss Cleatus Off.
Things That Have Sucked This Weekend
Raspberry Pie: The Food Of The Gods
And this is why I don't Haiku.
Putting My Evil To Good Use
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful. Or Insane.
Seeing The Moon Through My Window. Or Some Other Nonsense.
►
July
(13)
Long And Ranty And Probably Too Many Bad Words. Also? Lots of Caps Lock.
Can I Poke YOU In The Eye?
Feelings...
Things I Have Learned While Deep Cleaning This Hell Hole
I Opened My Mouth And All This Came Out.
Because Potatoes Make Me Horny
There Are Days
Not Yo' Mama's Deviled Eggs
Farm Livin' Is The Life For Me...
Owning Up To My Irresponsible Ways
Outta Control
Oh, look! Another poll.
I Have Questions. You Have Answers
►
June
(11)
Hamburger Buns: You Can Do It, Man!
Pay It Forward Friday
I'm A Glass Half Full Kinda Girl
You're Wondering Why He Loves Me, Aren't You? It's Because I'm Good In Bed.
The One Where You (yes, YOU!) Get To Kick My Husband's Ass!
Sentences. That Don't Go Together. Whatever.
This Has Happened To You Too, Right?
The Questions That Plague Me
Diarrhea, Vaginas, and Other Totally Random Things
Queen Of Bargains
Strange But True: There Are Places That Do Not Have Wifi!
►
May
(13)
My Vagina: Version 2.0
My Vagina. Let Me Tell You About It.
Yeah, It's Another Booger Story
There Is A Lesson In Here Somewhere. If You Find It, Let Me Know.
It Looks Even Better In Real Life
Weekly Winners AND! I Finally Got It
And Then I Cut The Bitch*
Oh, Look! I DO Love My Kids! Who Knew?
Yeah, HI.
Underpants and Happy Hearts
You Just Can't Find Good Help These Days
Weekly Winners
Lollipops, Fuzzy Kittens, And Sunshine Sprinkles
►
April
(13)
Jesus? Are You There?
Weekly Winners
Contrary To What The Picture Suggests...
Dear You, Read This. Sincerely, Karly
Follow Me Here, Follow Me There
She Gets Her Singing Voice From Me
Currently Researching Real Estate Prices On The Moon. Where There Is No AIR.
The One With Bullet Points
Sweet As Sugar
This One's For Daryl
McWhite Trash
Put Yourself In My Shoes
Cleatus Is Great And All But...PMS!
►
March
(12)
Its Like Being In Some Alternate Dimension Or Something
The Babysitters Club - Where Are They Now?
Um, So...Yeah.
Thanking The Baby Jesus That Easter is O-V-E-R!
I'm Sorry, I Can't, Don't Hate Me*
I'm Like That Kid Sneaking In The Back Door An Hour After Curfew
Why, Yes! It Is Another Post About Salmonella!
It Really Is The Best Part
In Which I Look To The Heavens And Shout "Why me, God? WHY ME?"
Suicide Watch
It'll Only Hurt For A Second
2008: The Year of The Vacation
►
February
(15)
The Title Goes Here. If You Think Of One Let Me Know.
And The Reason I Named My Blog What I Did Becomes Clear.
So THIS Is Why Moms Are Supposed To Pee Sitting Down
Its Saturday! Time to Deep Clean That Kitchen! (Ha.)
Oh, hi! You wanna know what sucks? Let me tell you!
If I Talk About Next Christmas Are You All Going To Punch Me?
Oh, bartender?
They Are So Cute Until They Eat Your Eyeballs
Er, Whoops?
My New 'Do
Welcome To My Rant. Sit Down! Stay For Awhile!
Its Like, All Of A Sudden, I'm His MOTHER
The Unauthorized Road Trip. Numero Uno.
Why Did The Meme Cross The Road? Because The Townspeople Were Chasing It With Pitchforks.
This Is Motherhood
►
January
(14)
One Of The Great Artists: King Arthur
Are You Fucking Kidding Me?
Oh! Hi!
Vinegar! Not Just For Douching!
I like 'em big, too.
Pretend All These Topics Belong Together
Smooth
I Got The Gout
Y'all Better Sit Down.
Wait...TWO lines?
Conversations
I'm Like That Fat Girl Asking Her Boyfriend If Her Butt Looks Big
So, this whole blogging thing?
Twins. A boy and a girl.
►
2007
(307)
►
December
(21)
Hope Your Party Is As Bitchin' As Ours
We Gonna Party Like Its Your Birfday!
I Want To Know Just Who Is Responsible For This?
Perfect For A Rainy Day!
My Quarter Life Crisis
The Weather Forecast
Is It Weird To Grab The Internets Hand and Scream?
Denial...Its a Powerful Tool
Nothing Good Ever Comes From Going To The Library
Up in your blawgs, testing your posts
A Year In The Making-UPDATED
He's All Mine Ladies
A Little Christmas Story
Chocolate McPeanutbutterface
Bride and Groom
(I'm A) Ho-Ho-Ho!
Come Peek In My Windows
I'm Sure I've Mentioned This Before...
Somedays Life Just Doesn't Seem Fair
Happiness On A Stick
Titles Are For Sissies
►
November
(20)
Well, Looky Here
When She's Not Being Mean She's As Sweet As Can Be
Pop
One Little, Two Little...
This Is Directed At All You Public Poopers Out There
Bruised and Bloody
This Post Is NOT About A Camera, Don't Let Me Fool You
Things I Never Ever NEVER Want To Say Again
A Few Of My Least Favorite Things
If You Need Me I'll Be In The Corner Rocking And Sucking My Thumb.
This Is Purely Hypothetical
When Will It End? WHEN?
Just Call Me Oda Mae*
And Then We Got Married
My Pop
All's Fair in Love and Sleep
Fecal Matter: Its Whats For Breakfast
The Kinky Games We Married People Play
Click Here, Click There, Click EVERYWHERE!
Because Its Really All About The Food
►
October
(18)
When Organic Eggs Kill
White Castle Burgers
There Are Things...I Just Don't Know How To Say Them
She's A Bit Like A Kangaroo
How YOU Doing?
Because "Sick" Is a Good Thing, Too!
Define Irony
She Fights Dirty
When You're 2 Everything Is Funny
A Sign Of A Good Party?
October 9
This Mommy Thing Is Hard
From Your Lips To God's Ear
Quit Looking At Me So Loudly
I said WHAT?!
You're All A Bunch Of Mofos!
It was a joke, people! A JOKE!
She's Bullety!
►
September
(21)
The War You Never Learned About In History
Oh my achin' uterus...
Pre-School and Teeth and Diet Pills! Oh my!
My Parents
Just For You, Internets
The Cleatus Doll: A Story Of One Crazy Woman
Sometimes...
Overheard
Oh hi.
Oh My Fuckity Fuck
I Blame It On The Internets
Google said what?
I'm A Lucky Woman
Nobody Get Jealous Or Anything...
For My Mama
A poll! Fun!
Tell Me I'm Not Alone
Very! Important! News!
Its Good To Be Back!
Hard acts to follow
Slacker Mommy
►
August
(24)
I don't HAVE a hole! Now leave me alone!
I swear because you love me, and Typepad rocks like week old diapers
i confess
The delicate art of swearing
Hunk A Hunk A Burnin' Love
Compromise makes a marriage go 'round
Welcome to my world
@#$%!
The purple shoes.
Blaaaaaah!
Marriage? Its hard.
Everybody Hates Me...Especially Wal-Mart
The Sweet Chirp of A Scratched CD
And This Is Probably The Reason Why
The Easter Sweater and Other Interesting News
The Haiku Buckaroo Contest
The Spray Park Comes To Me!
I Have A Dirty Secret
Like Mother Like Son
Like Mother Like Daughter
A Letter To The Members At Mah Gym
I Really Need To Put A Sign On The Door
Easy Peasy, Needles Suck, and I Live In A Trailer
Someone Hold Me
►
July
(28)
Mommy Blogging My Day Away
I couldn't think of a title if I tried. So I didn't.
Random Schmandom
Buttons, Buttons, Everywhere!
Insert Giddy Laughter Here
Swing A Ling A Ling
My First Contest and I Eff it All Up!
Oh, the bitter disappointment...
My Magic Oven AND A Contest!
Bullety
And this is why I hate kids!
My Baby Girl Loves Clocks
In Which I Vomit All Over The Internet
The Honesty Of A Seven Year Old
Something Stinks
You know what they say about payback, right?
Lets Talk About Sex, Baby. Lets Talk About You and Me!
This was supposed to be about sex...
Men...
The Almost Sex Talk
How The Hell Did This Happen?
New Post...
June ROFL Awards
The Blawg Is Broken
Jesus! Mary! And Joseph!
I Am The Queen Of Mean
I Wipe Their Snot, Too!
Me...Rocking It Out
►
June
(31)
Hello? PETA?
Psst...
Prayer, Positive Thinking, Finger Crossing...Whichever you've got, I'll take it.
The News...
Better Than Nothing, Right?
And The Heavens Shine Upon Us All
Short and Sweet, With Just A Smidge Of Evil
At Least There Aren't Any Bad Words In Here
Contests Contests Everywhere
Warning: This Might Turn Mushy
Reason Number 6,798 Why I Hate Other People's Children
Lets Talk About Food
I'm Here To Please
I Need A Break
Sleepover at Your House?
Do Not Pass Go
Again With The Nerdiness
Curious About Me?
Just A Small Glimpse
Not Just Because We Are Getting To Big For This House
Slacker = Me
Yippee Yahoo! Wiiiiiii!
Can You Feel The Love?
In Need Of A Good Laugh?
My Bloggy Story
Bullets Are A Mom's Best Friend
Free To Good Home
Movie Night!
The Truth Comes Out
Should Wii or Shouldn't Wii?
Different Yet The Same
►
May
(25)
Because I Am An Asshole
WHY?
To Nap or Not To Nap?
Blogger Tragedy Strikes Again!
Can't Breathe, Hyperventilating...
I've Figured Out the Problem, Now Whats The Solution?
Christmas in May
Product Review: TrueBlue
Using My Blog to Better The World
My Poor Wounded Ego
Whats Done Is Done
I love Target! and Look at the nekkid baby butt!
Holidays Are All About The Food
I Retract My Previous Statement
What does that make me? The marinara?
Just So You Know
Then And Now
My Soul Mate?
I'm On Top Momma!
Overheard...
I heart Jessica!
A Few Of My Favorite Things...
Allowing the Paranoia To Take Control
Neener neener neener, I've been tagged for a Memer!
I Broke My Brain
►
April
(30)
T Minus I Don't Have Enough Time To Count Down the Hours Until the Realtor Gets Here!
Gooses
Why Can't I Just Pay Someone To Do This?
Not Just Because I Love Digger
Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety Jog!
Because No Vacation Would Be Complete Without A Blog Post Containing Bullet Points
And some mo' pics...
Free Envy Inspiring Pictures Below!
Bye Bye Bye!*
Should Friendship Be So Tough?
My Blond Moment of the Day
The Dairy Queen Streaker
It Just Tickles My Funny Bone
Old Men Disgust Me and I Have A Confession
Hopefully YOU can learn from my dumbassedness.
Because Name Calling Gets The Job Done
My Birthday Boy
The Only One Brave Enough
And we have take off!
Somebody get me a butter knife to clink on my wine glass!
And So It Begins
Update on The Update
Update On The Father In Law and I Don't Care if it Makes Me Poop!
Just Playin'
A Wake Up Call
Get Outta Dodge!
Its Heartbreaking, Really
I could totally kick Bambi's ass if I kept my eyes closed.
The One And Only Famous...
The Face Of An Angel
►
March
(26)
Shh! Its a secret!
Schooled By A Two Year Old
I need an explanation.
It is quite possible he is in love with another lady.
Drama! And Mayhem! (Or not.)
Because a pound of strawberries does not equal intestinal harmony!
May-Freaking-Day
I'm The Weiner!
A Poll...
The birthday is coming, the birthday is coming!
When They Aren't Scratching Each Other's Eyes Out...
Random Thoughts Bouncing Around My Head
Fart Bombs and Such...
The Girliest Girl In All The Land
Baby shit mustard WHAT?
Love these little babies...
WOOT?
Spring Fever
The One Drawback To Owning A Mini-Van
Reason I Love My Husband Number 721
Its my party and I'll cry if I wanna.
Good morning, please don't be dead.
And now he's dead.
Fashionably Late?
Somebody lock my ass up!
White Trash? Or Goth Chic?
►
February
(27)
Drama, Drama!
Such A Gentle Soul
Reason Why I Love America Number 428
Pork, The Other White Meat
Have you ever been called Cleatus? OR: I'm totally effing drunk and Hubs just called me Cleatus after we did our thang but that would make for one super long title, so maybe we should stick with the first one except I don't remember what the first one was
Cuz I'm a Movie Star
Send Help!
Flashbacks from babyhood...
Cover your eyes!
Some more lovin'
She's a sneaky one!
A little linky lovin'
OHMIGOD I almost died!*
Happy Valentines Day!
My new kitty...
Not sure if its going to be a bad day or a good day?
Just call me Martha
Counting At Age 2
The Long Awaited Video
Oh, Internets...
Please say it ain't so!
Huh-Huh-Huh-Horsey!
Because We Are Addicted To TV
Happily Ever After...
Day 5 and still no light at the end of the tunnel...
Does this make me a slut?
Apparently I'm Lazy
►
January
(36)
A Letter To Sonic
You big jerks!
Because Fate hates me.
I won, I won!
I am
My Girly Man*
Movin' On
Do you think Cleatus would get jealous?
Said to my six year old this evening...
Her daddy thinks so, too!
Warning: This post contains graphic material not suitable for viewers under the age of 17.
God damn stupid fruit!
Public Service Announcement To All Parents Of Toddlers:
New Recipe!
I'm sad to report that no one fell...
I got a secret...(or if I was grammatically correct: I HAVE a secret.)
Karate Choppin' the Sensei
Sensible Barbie
The most boring weekend ever...
Gettin' Fresh With The Kitty
Doing his best...
Free Husband, Any Takers?
Rock a bye baby...
Nice To Meet Ya!
They'll eat your brains...
Apparently my toilet has internet access...
Grandparents Rights?
My 15 minutes...
Homeschooling?
Heard from Eeyore today...
The Lady
Just a little rant...
I'm either really brave...
Figure it out and WIN!
The Little Angel
►
2006
(61)
►
December
(42)
Bang!
Don't mess with the routine!
Foiled Again
2 Years Already!
Blown to smithereens
I'll kick YOUR ass!
Blah
Kissy Kissy!
Such a dork...
Alone At Last!
Help Me Choose A Charity!
Vote For Me For President!
Definitely his mother's son...
Oh poopy...where are ya?
Stinky Earrings
Fun Ways To Be Awaken From A Deep Sleep
Forever Young
I wuff da wittle puppies
It's Official.
Buried Alive
To My Lovey
I must have misplaced my penis!
Eeyore
Cindy-Lu Hoo
To tell or not to tell...
Steve, Don't Eat It!
Oh the horror...
Christmas Traditions
Firefox?
Happy Christmas!
What the hell?
The case of the missing pick...
Great News!
Pie crust update...
Just call me Betty Crocker.
Heros...
Will wonders never cease?
Dilema...
Lemon drops, naked cartwheels, and frostbite
A mans gotta do...
Snow Day!
►
November
(19)
And they say marriage kills romance...
Note to self
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
POW/MIA
Garbage Duty
Merry Christmas To All...
I love you more!
Sob Story
One reason to dislike the holidays...
Men...big fat liars
Teamwork, people!
Guess the song, win a prize!
Cleatus
Mommy Blogger, you say?
So you wanna help me get rich quick?
Why must you torture me so?
I'm in trouble now...
You found me!
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