I am not actually addicted to the internet.

I was a little concerned when I opened up my old Dell laptop to check something and realized that I WAS CRYING because OH, IT JUST FELT SO RIGHT to hold my baby again. I MISSED using that laptop so much, and I hadn’t even realized it. I think I knew then that the NEW laptop I had ordered to replace my old one just wasn’t cutting it. We just weren’t meant to be. I’m shipping the new Dell back and I headed off to Circuit City and bought a Toshiba. My Toshiba and I aren’t soul mates like me and my first Dell were, but we are a better match than the other STUPID Dell.

Needless to say, when I realized how much a friggin’ computer meant to me, I became concerned that I had a little problem with the internet. Like, maybe it was time to join Internets Anonymous or something. I wondered briefly if IA had an online group that I could join and then decided that first I should test my level of addiction.

I took a HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC quiz and my score was 39, which means this: “You are an average on-line user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.”

All is well with the world. Carry on with your day.

My FIRST EVER guest post at My Mommy’s Place is up. Click here and go read it. It’ll be fun, man. Real fun.

I also have a post up at GNMParents . Click here and go read it. It’ll be fun, m…oh, you know the drill.

You know, its funny how different parents are. To let the child lick the spoon or not? People just have their opinions about it and they do what they wanna do. Sure, “they” say not to eat raw eggs because you could totally get sick and die, but some of us ignore that in favor of the deliciousness that is raw cookie dough.

Its kind of funny that I’m one of those people who will eat the raw egg. I have this thing about chicken. And by thing I mean ZOMG, THE RAW CHICKENS WILL KILL US ALL, TAKE COVER! I just don’t like to touch it. I don’t like to touch the package it comes in. I don’t like opening the package it comes in. I don’t like breathing the air anywhere near the raw chicken. I don’t like cooking the chicken, because what if I haven’t cooked it long enough?

One day last summer I grilled some chicken breasts and Cleatus devoured them. “Mm, this is so good! So juicy! Mm! Chicken! This is the best chicken ever!” I’m a damn good cook. Or, at least I was that one time last summer. You see, the chicken wasn’t extra special and the only thing I did different was decide that I myself did not want to eat chicken that night. Which meant that I did not have to cook the little chicky breasts for an hour until they were so dry you could almost call them chicken jerky. Juicy chicken = imminent death. Or something like that. I have no problems serving chicken that hasn’t been cooked to death so long as I am not planning on eating it. For some reason I associate juice with bloody salmonella juice and I just can’t choke it down.

Dry chicken is good once you get used to it. Really! Now, who wants to come over for dinner?

Speaking of dry chicken, I’m taking the kids to get their pictures today. (What does dry chicken have to do with anything?) I’m trusting you not to tell them, internets. If Cindy-Lu disfigures herself or gets a hold of a butter knife and takes it to her brother’s face I will blame you.

*****

If you have a free minute would you do me the biggest favor EVER? Click this here link and take the survey for me. It would be, like, sooooo totally cool of you. And I know how you like to be cool, internets.

I have always been slightly afraid of children. Have you seen those freaky movies where the kids attack the adults and suck their brains out? (The Good Son and The Village of the Damned are the worst!) Fuh-reaky. Anyone with a brain knows that children can be evil and that one day they just might turn on you. Seriously. They are the perfect weapon. They are so cute and sweet and innocent looking and then BAM! Their eyes start glowing red and they are gnawing your ear off the side of your head.

Children are dangerous. Trust me.

Since having kids of my own I’ve obviously had to let go of some of my fears. I know that my kids might one day turn on me, but since I love them so much I suppose I’m willing to let it happen. Then again, I do sorta like my eyeballs in my eye sockets where they belong. Because of this desire to keep my eyes in my head you can imagine my concern when I overheard Cindy-Lu talking to her cousin about killing me.

I was in the dining room minding my own business and the kids were in the living room playing. All of a sudden Cindy-Lu says “Hey! You wanna go take Mommy’s head off and eat her’s eyes?”Thankfully her cousin noticed me run look in at him to see if he was evil as well what he would say and so he said no.

I got off easy today, but I’m sure my time is coming.

By the way, I have FIXED my site. I think. If anything looks funky, please let me know. And so help me God if one of you tells me that my site looks funny in IE, I just may kill you.  Also, a big huge thank you to Leslie for helping me out last night. She is my hero and if she were here with me I would drop down to my knees and sing “You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings.”  And then a single tear would roll gently down her cheek and I would reach up and wipe it away with my thumb. And we would embrace. And then our husbands would start cheering and we would put an end to their fantasies, because HELLO. I don’t love her THAT much. 

Thank you to the people who told me that my site looked like, um, whatever it looked like in Internet Explorer. I checked it with Firefox and Safari, but neglected to check in IE. Because I’m dumb.

Anyway, until I get it fixed you’ll have to look at this ugly blue theme. Terribly sorry.

In the meantime, maybe you could all go download Firefox? It truly is better than IE AND it makes my blog look good. So, yeah. Get on that.