I know that title may not make sense to YOU but it makes sense to ME and this is my blog and I’ll do what I want. (I had so many commas in that first sentence that it looked wrong, so I just took them ALL out and let it be. That sentence is a Comma Free zone.)

So. I am the blogger that is all like “Whatever, I don’t know what to blog about so pfft. I just won’t write until I’M GOOD AND READY, DAMN IT.” And so I only blog a couple times a week any more. I am also the blogger who gets tagged for memes quite a bit. BUT DO I EVER DO ‘EM? Nope. I don’t know why. I just don’t LIKE memes very much. It makes me happy that people tag me for them because LINKY LOVE, but then I feel bad because I never do the meme.

In conclusion, I suck.

Oh, wait. Thats not what I meant to say. What I MEANT to say was that I just had sex with a meme and now we are having a baby. So, what you are about to read is NOT meme, it is the BABY of a meme and a human. Mkay? You got all that? (This could also just be called “random thoughts of mine that I could not figure out how to work into a blog post on their own so I fucked a meme.”)

1. I wonder if I will ever get up enough guts to tell Cleatus that I do, in fact, poop. I mean, obviously, it doesn’t STINK or anything, but still. I feel like our marriage is based on a lie. I don’t know what he thinks my butthole is for, but he does not believe it is for poop, thats fer sure. (It is not for THAT either.)

2. I used to really like my daughter, but now? Not so much. Three years old was such a nice time for about, oh, one month. And then she decided to start her period and now I kinda hate her. She is such a bitch sometimes, but other times she’s just as sweet as can be. Like ten minutes ago when she just walked up to me and said “Mommy? You are pretty.” She does this multiple times a day and it always makes me smile. She also does something naughty and when I start to yell at her she says “But mo-om. I just love you SO MUCH.”

3. The last few times I’ve had an orgasm (Huh? Dad? Is that you? Reading my blog? Whats wrong with your eyes? ARE THEY BLEEDING?) my left side has ached. Like DURING the orgasm. And then it just stops when I’m, um, done. I’ve been meaning to google “cancerous tumor that aches during orgasm” but I keep forgetting. So, do you think thats what it is? Should I be concerned? Should I just not have sex anymore?

4. When I was in high school I was driving a friend to school. We needed to get in the left lane to turn in to the school parking lot, but some asshole wouldn’t let me over. Any guesses as to what I did after I missed my turn? I will make out with anyone who guesses correctly.

5. Cleatus and I have decided, thanks to your brilliant suggestions, to go to the Smoky Mountains on vacation this year. I am SO EXCITED! I never would have thought to check out Tennessee if it weren’t for all of you who recommended it! We’ve found a cute little cabin in Pigeon Forge and are planning on going in early June. Can. Not. Wait.

6. My newest blog crush is on All and Sundry (or is it Sundry Mourning? Don’t know! Don’t care! Love her either way!) I don’t know where the heck I have been, but I just found her blog about a week ago. I am SERIOUSLY addicted. Like, for real, yo.

7. I don’t have a number seven.

Now, since this is the baby of a meme/human I feel like I should tag people, but what would I tag them WITH? Should I just link to a few people and say “Hey, you! Go to your blog and ramble about a bunch of shit that doesn’t belong together! Its FUN!”

Nah. You guys are off the hook for this one.

Looks like I can stop staring longingly at all those Rockin’ Girl badges floating around. I got one of my very own thanks to the lovely Leslie, my bestest bloggy friend evah, otherwise known as my BBF.

HOWEVER.

I’m a little hurt by the picture that she drew and posted on her site. The one of her and Jenn holding hands in a big red heart with the words "Jenn + Buck Friends 4-Ever." Really. That was just too much I think. Leslie should know that I’m the possessive type and I don’t like her having other friends and I certainly don’t want her holding their hands surrounded by a big red heart, so rather than cut her head off (which I did consider, but only briefly) I decided to go ahead and post this picture of me and Leslie in our pajamas eating candy. And if this doesn’t prove we are BBF then I don’t know what does.

Now. About the award.

Leslie thinks I rock and that means that I get to pass the award on to 5 other rockin’ girl bloggers. Only 5? Damn.

Here goes.

1. Plain Jane Mom. She is my hero. She reads like 8,000 blogs a day and then posts links to the fabulous posts that she finds. I love her GRIT posts. And her regular posts as well. She rocks.

2. Jenny Haha. She’s funny, but thats not why I’m calling her a rockin’ girl blogger. Mostly its just because she has a bad case of wolf crotch and I feel sorry for her.

3. Mommy off the Record. She’s just funny. And she talks about having orgasms during labor. And that makes her the kind of woman that I think rocks.

4.My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours. This is another blogger that I briefly considered dismembering. But only because I wanted to steal the name of her blog. Anyone that can come up with that funny of a title has to be rock. And she does.

5. Swistle.She totally rocks. She just had a squishy little baby that I would totally steal from her and she still manages to blog and be funny. And her post about postpartum cookies? That totally rocks.

The End.

Chilihead is having a fun little blog carnival today. Looks like fun, so I’m playin’ along.

How did you start blogging?
Well, my mama has always told me that I should write a book. And I’ve tried. Kinda. But, I just can’t do it. I don’t have any stories to tell other than what I’m livin’ on a daily basis. So, I kind of gave up on the idea of writing, but I continued reading books like there was no tomorrow. And then I came across an article in a magazine (Parents, I think) about mommy bloggers and from then I was hooked on reading blogs.

Finally, I just took the plunge and started writing my own. I figured that if my mom thought I was a good writer, maybe the internets would too.

Did you intend
to be a blog w/a big following? If so, how did you go about it?
Um, yea. I did. To me, what is the point of writing ON THE INTERNET if you don’t want people to read it? I would have just wrote in a journal if I didn’t want people to read it. However, I don’t have a big following. I do have a good amount of readers and I’m perfectly happy with that. I will admit that I get jealous when I see other readers with 50 plus comments on one stinkin’ post and I have a measly 4 or 5. I do love my 4 or 5 commenters though. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I HEART COMMENTS.

And I didn’t do anything in particular to get the readers I have. I basically just read the blogs I liked and commented. My comments sometimes brought readers. And I have to tell you, I pee my pants a little bit when some of my favorite bloggers comment on my blog. Its like a celebrity just stopped by my house to chat. I LOVE that!
 
What do you hope to achieve or accomplish with your blog? Have
you been successful? If not, do you have a plan to achieve those goals?
I’m not really sure what my goal is with this bloggy business. I guess when I started, my goal was to JUST WRITE and to have a history of what my children did, who they were, how they acted. I’m forgetful. I blog the things I don’t want to forget. So, yeah. I suppose I’m successful. Assuming this isn’t all lost in cyber space sometime down the line.

Has the focus of your blog changed since you started blogging? How?
I am definitely more reader oriented than before. I’m writing knowing that people are reading this, whereas before, when I first started, I didn’t have any readers and there wasn’t much pressure.

What do you know now that you wish you’d known when you started?
I wish I would have known that wordpress is THE best blog platform ever instead of using typepad. Now I would love to change over to wordpress but am frightened to switch my URL and lose readers.

Do you
make money with your blog?
I just got my first check from the ads on my sidebar a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make me smile. I have also gotten a few free products to review.

Does your immediate or extended family know about your blog? If so, do they read it? If not, why?
My family does. My parents and my aunt read my blog every day (hi guys!), but other than that, I’m not sure if anyone else in my family reads. If you do, please say hi in the comments. I HEART COMMENTS.

My in-laws are aware I have a blog, but I’m not sure if they read it. I check my stats a lot trying to figure out if any of my visitors could be them, but so far I don’t think they do read. They weren’t very pleased when Cleatus showed them a video of the kids on here, so we just don’t talk about it and both pretend it doesn’t exist. Again, though, if any of them are reading, I would love for them to say hi.

What two pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?
Choose the name of your blog carefully. I thought "Wiping Up Snot" was funny when I first started, but now? Not so much. It is memorable, though, so that’s something.

Thats it! If you’d like to play along, head over to Chili’s and sign the Mr. Linky!
 

I’ve been tagged for the 10 Things Meme by Cherann!! Nobody ever tags me! Here goes:

Rules (copied from Cherann):

1. I will write 10 sordid boring interesting things about myself.
2. I’ll tag 10 (Do I even know 10 bloggers???  That would actually respond??) people.
3. If you’ve been tagged, you do your own list and tag 10 more people. ("No tag backs.")

And the 10 facts:

1. I shiver when I pee.
2. I love salad without the lettuce.
3. Cleatus hates my rock star sunglasses, but I don’t care.
4. Missionary is my favorite position. I’m old.
5. My socks never match.
6. I pee the bed when I eat watermelon.
7. I don’t really like ice cream.
8. Cleatus bought me an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas a few years ago. Because I asked him to.
9. My head weighs eight pounds.
10. I drink vodka. It tastes like shit and I hate it, but I drink it straight and it gets me drunk and I like it. And I can drink Cleatus under the table.

And now I have to tag 10 people. This will be tough…I don’t think I know 10 bloggers who will play along, but here goes:

1. Elizabeth
2. Christi
3. Jill
4. Jen/Jenny/Jennifer/JennyHaha
5. Beth
6. Leslie
7. Jessica
8. Erika
9. You da mom
10. Jack’s Raging Mommy

Whew, that was tough. If I missed you and you want to be tagged, go for it.

So about those interviews I offered up awhile back that only Leslie took me up on? Well. When I linked to her answers, a couple more ladies took offense to being called chicken and decided to toughen up and take my interview. Good job, ladies.

Check out Jill’s answers at Enter The Circus. (Definitely click that link, she totally kisses my butt in Answer 3.)

And, then go check out Working Gal. Her answer to the last question? Good one. Totally making that my answer as well.

Thanks for playing along  you three. I had fun with that!