If any of you are cool enough to have been reading me for longer than a year, then you may recall that last April Cindy-Lu got sun poisoning while we were on vacation in Orange Beach, AL. (Also, that post is in bullets. Maybe I should lay off the bullet points?) Mah baby has always had weird skin things going on. For a while I thought she was allergic to strawberries. She was on soy milk forever because she would get a rash from cow’s milk. She’s just a big fat sensitive-skinned pain in the ass.
Off and on last summer she would break out in these weird rashes. They wouldn’t stick around for long, but they were there. I took her to the doctor and he would just tell me it was a food allergy or to change her laundry detergent or use sunscreen for sensitive skin. WHATEVER, ASSHOLE DOCTOR. I was convinced that it was an allergy to the SUN. Yes. THE MOTHERHUMPING SUN. Of course I was told that I am a complete idiot and I need to lay off the google medical searches, but I KNEW I was right. I just knew it.
Fast forward to yesterday, the first SUNNY day of the year. It was a gorgeous seventy degree, but it was really windy so we didn’t get to play outside. The kids had Spanish class in the afternoon, so we headed out to the car and in the 30 seconds it took to get Cindy-Lu from our front door to our car her cheeks turned BRIGHT red. I don’t mean that she looked rosy. I mean that it looked like someone had colored with bright red lipstick all over her cheeks.
Like this.
When we got to the Spanish class the teacher asked if she was wearing make up. I’m not crazy. I was not seeing things. HER CHEEKS WERE RED, GOD DAMN IT.
I called her pediatrician and spoke to the nurse. I told her that I thought my daughter had an allergy to the sun, that she would get rashes after being in the sun last year and that today, THE FIRST SUNNY DAY OF THE YEAR, her cheeks turned crazy red after being exposed to the sun for SECONDS. The nurse obviously thought I was a complete moron, but she took a message for the doctor and said she would call me back in the morning.
This morning she called to tell me the news. “The doctor said it isn’t an allergy to the sun. Her cheeks were probably red from the wind.”
Oh. My. God. Are you fucking kidding me? Yes, it was a windy day, but we weren’t traipsing around in a fucking tornado. All of us were in the wind (and sun) and yet NO ONE ELSE had FIERY RED CHEEKS. But, yes, of course. She must be allergic to THE WIND, which is also sometimes called THE AIR.
Today she woke up with a rash on her chest and belly. That fucking air. It gave my baby a rash.
We went out and played in the air again today for about half an hour and DAMN IT! The rash spread! Its now on her arms as well as her belly. Her cheeks are getting awfully rosy as well! Isn’t it funny how my daughter isn’t allergic to all the air in my house? She’s only allergic to the air outside. WHERE THE SUN IS.
Do you want to know what the worst part of all of this is? I keep asking her if she itches and Eeyore must have noticed, because for the last hour I have had to hear about EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of his itches.
“Mooooom. My nose itches.”
“Mooooom. My finger itches.”
”Mooooom. My leg itches.”
I finally told him that unless he is COVERED IN BUMPS I do not care if he sits in his room and scratches himself until he bleeds so long as he doesn’t tell me about it. JUST GO SCRATCH YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!
The upside to this? Benadryl. Awww yeah, baby.
RSS
Filed under: 
