Long day. Must blog using bullets.

• The other day T. was over here playing with Eeyore. Cindy-Lu, being the annoying younger sister, followed the boys in to Eeyore’s room and was most likely bugging the crap out of them. I’d hear her start to whine or shout at T. and EVERY TIME she did Eeyore would pipe up and tell T. to quit whatever he was doing to bug her. He’s such a good brother. Later T. started throwing Eeyore’s toys across his bedroom and finally after one loud crash I heard Eeyore say “Why don’t we just go to your house so I can throw YOUR toys?” I was so proud of him. He was snotty and I loved it. That kid is usually so shy, but he totally stuck up for Cindy-Lu and himself and I was really proud of him.
• I just bought a laminating machine. I’m excited to laminate something now. Yes, I am easily amused.
• My new laptop has still not shipped. This is pissing me off more than you can imagine. WHAT IS THE HOLD UP, DELL?
• My husband confuses me. Whenever he hears a car drive down our road he asks if someone is here or he looks out the window to see if there is a car in our driveway. Yet whenever I go to Wal-Mart (every other mother humpin’ day) he has NO IDEA when I’ve pulled in the driveway. I come to the door, my arms full of bags and struggle to open it but does he hear that? No. I get in the house, walk past him and am half way to the kitchen when he says “Oh, are there any more bags out there?” THE ANSWER IS YES. IT IS ALWAYS YES. YES YES YES. Then he ever so slowly starts moving so that he is finally standing as I am walking back in to the room to head back outside. He then looks at me like “uh, duh, do you still need me or are you just gonna do it so I can, uh, sit back down?” And then I punch him in the balls and finish carrying in the bags.
• Cindy-Lu wears underwear all day but I’m still using diapers at night because I dunno about you, but getting up in the middle of the night to take a 3 year old to the toilet does not sound fun. Changing wet sheets every night also does not sound fun. She gets a diaper right before bed and the sneaky little brat likes to poop in it to avoid pooping on the toilet. Well, last night she came running in to our room around 3am crying about monsters in her room. I pulled her in to bed with us and got a big whiff of her diaper and almost passed out. It was stinky. But she was instantly back to sleep, I was still all warm and cozy in my blankets and did I mention it was 3am? I rolled over so I couldn’t smell her and went back to sleep. Bad mom.

That is all. Carry on with your day.

So, the gout. I still don’t know what it is. I was supposed to go in for an x-ray yesterday, but Cleatus has been working such long hours that he didn’t get home until after the office closed. And, I don’t know about you, but I do not think that taking my children with me would be fun. I mean, they couldn’t come in the x-ray room with me, so they’d be sitting in a waiting room all alone? Um, no. I doubt that I’ll be able to go today either because I have some errands to run this afternoon. Maybe tomorrow? Hopefully.

My hand isn’t hurting anymore though, so I’m not really freaking out about it. The bump is still there, but I can deal with a bump. As long as it continues not hurting then I’ll be fine. I do plan on getting the x-ray sometime this week though if my damn husband ever gets out of work on time.

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In other news, today is my mama’s birthday. I just baked her a cake and now Cindy-Lu and Eeyore are both standing in the kitchen next to the cake with drool dripping from their mouths. I tried to tell them that it would be impolite to eat a piece before we take it to “Banny’s” house tonight. (She used to be called Granny by Eeyore, but Cindy-Lu came along and couldn’t pronounce her G’s for shit, so now its Banny.)  I don’t think they care about manners at this point though. I can’t say that I blame them…it IS chocolate.

Make me happy and tell my mama happy birthday.

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Oh, and anyone out there know what the difference between a vowel digraph and a vowel pair is? Because, apparently, I am too dumb for second grade phonics. I did find a super cool language arts program for next year, though. It is all computer based so his teacher for LA? Will not be me. Which is kinda dumb, because LA has always been my favorite subject, but seriously WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DIGRAPH AND A PAIR? I can not figure this out. Its like my brain just rejects the information. So, yes. I am dumb. U like 2 reed my blawg?

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Funny, but my hand is aching right now. It hasn’t hurt since Sunday and now here it goes again. Maybe its the typing? More likely it was me saying that it didn’t hurt anymore. Thats just the way my life works.

Anyone else out there watching Tin Man? Anyone else seriously disappointed?

I really expected this to be a decent movie. I love the Wizard of Oz and thought this would be a fun spin-off. Um, not. Definitely not. But, I’m still watching. Because I am dumb.

Also I just started reading His Dark Materials. Why? Because of all the controversy surrounding the movie The Golden Compass (the first book of the trilogy). I just love me some controversy and so far I’m digging the book. I’m only on page 30 of 900 some forkin’ pages, but whatever. I’ll probably not like it so much once they start killing God or whatever it is that makes this book so controversial.

What else is keeping me entertained these days? Printing off pages and pages of Christmas shit for school. I mean seriously, how many damn coloring pages do two kids need? Not as many as I printed, thats for sure.

Damn, this Tin Man movie is dumb. Very Sci-Fi-ish.

Oh, and to all you haters out there…my Wal-Mart-bought LUBE was just fine, thank you. Lube is lube is lube is lube. At least, thats what I keep telling myself so that I don’t have to venture into the creepy sex store. Fun fact for you: Our sex store (and by "our," I mean the store one city over, I don’t own the sex store) is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Need LUBE on Christmas? Your in luck! Need a big black dildo on Thanksgiving? No problem! Got a hankerin’ for a butt plug at 3am? Head on over to your friendly sex store.

I had really hoped this post would turn into something mildly coherent and entertaining. Clearly I hoped for too much.

• For science class today we read about some different animals. Camels, for instance, have a split upper lip. Anyone know why? Its so that any snot that may trickle down from their nose will go right back into their mouth so as not to waste any precious water. Um, ew? We looked at a picture of a kangaroo giving birth to this itty bitty hairless thing. And, let me just say, the only thing that was hairless was the baby kangaroo. Someone needs to spread the word about waxing to that mama kangaroo. Eeyore learned that OHMIGOD he once drank MILK from my BOOBS. He was slightly icked out by that. And by slightly I mean he nearly vomited.
• I finally got around to watching some of the new shows on this season. I’ve had them on my DVR just waiting for that perfect moment when my children were miraculously quiet and behaved. That moment occurred last night and I watched Bionic Woman (Loved it! A few cheesy one liners, but other wise, really good!), Chuck (thought I would hate it, but was in love with Chuck by the end. Must marry Chuck.), and Dirty Sexy Money (This one is a little iffy…could turn out to be great, but probably won’t.) Anyone else enjoying all these new TV shows? I still have a few more pilots to watch and the second episodes are going to be airing this week! Must. Make. Time. For. TV.
• Cleatus’s brother is getting married this weekend. The bachelor party was last Saturday. Two strippers were scheduled to show up at 8pm to spice things up. They canceled at 7pm. I was secretly happy. Because, seriously? Two strippers? Performing girl on girl action? In front of my husband? Not cool. But, then Cleatus called around and found two prostitutes who were charging $250 a piece and they would make every guy at the party come. $500 bucks to make 30 or 40 guys come? They were cheap! But, Cleatus turned ‘em down and found a REAL stripper who was not into performing blow jobs. She did, however, bite the shit out of my husband’s nipple. Poor bastard.
• I went from last Wednesday to Sunday without going to Wal-Mart one time. This, my friends, is a new record.
• Tomorrow is Cleatus’s birthday. He’ll be 27. He’s close to 30. Which means he is old. Old and very nearly dead. It must suck to be old.

I have a confession to make. I used spend a ridiculous amount of time assessing my friends, trying to guess if they were pregnant or not. It’s a strange little activity, i realize, but i still did it, nontheless. does she look a little belly-er than normal? Is she eating more? eating less? did she pass on the alcohol? did she turn green when i brought out the chicken? I took great pleasure if and when the pregnancy was announced. because. i. knew. when they were trying to keep their first trimester a secret from the world, i was in on it.

i have since given up this habit. why, you ask?

because there are days when i am a little bloated. and days when i don’t feel like having any alcohol (of course, there aren’t many of these…) and days when i turn green at the sight of chicken. and i, of course, am not pregnant. no, ma’am, we’re done.

and i sure as hell don’t want my friends thinking i’m pregnant. silently watching me and waiting for the day i pull out my 12-week ultrasound.

like sunday morning. i woke up feeling hungover sick. really sick. i didn’t actually have that much to drink the night before - two baileys and ices (like an alcoholic frappacino.amazing. i highly recommend). but i was feeling it. like i couldn’t get out of bed.

the husband - he who should be sainted - took all three kidlets to the Toronto Busker Fest and i stayed in bed. all day. it was incredible. Much Music was showing a season one OC marathon that i was all over. This day was just as good for my brain as it was for my body. i needed a mental health day, and this was just what the doctor ordered. i don’t think i’ve had one of these since i was pregnant with Isabella, over 2 years ago.

but that night, we went with friends for dinner and to see Superbad, which was seriously one of the funniest movies i’ve ever seen, we had to call them and tell them i might not come. because i was dizzy and lightheaded and a little bit neausiated and i had spent all day in bed.

and you know what they were thinking…."Ali’s so pregnant." you know now they will just be sitting and waiting for that ultrasound picture to pop up…which i can assure you, will not.

but this is why i will never try to guess if my friends are pregnant.

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when Ali’s not busy working full time and chasing after her three rugrats….she can be seeing blogging over at Cheaper Than Therapy and Urbanmoms.ca.