A Letter To The Members At Mah Gym

I love my gym. I really do. Its nice and clean and there are plenty of machines for everyone to use and its never overly crowded and its just great. However…some of the members? They are dumb. While I walk on the treadmill I compose little love notes in my head to them. 

Dear Skinny Lady With The Cool Cell Phone:

You do realize that the gym is a place for working out, right? That when you are standing on a treadmill text messaging your friends you aren’t actually burning any calories, right? I mean, I get it. Your skinny. You don’t really need to be here sweating with me, but since you ARE here do you think you could turn the treadmill on and start walking with me rather than just standing there and texting?

Appreciate it!
Karly

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Dear Old Man On My Right:

Quit looking at me out of the corner of your eye. My fat is jiggling. It is not pretty. LOOK AWAY.

Thanks,
Karly

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Dear Lady Jogging On The Treadmill With The Big Boobs:

Niiiiiice.

Karly

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Dear Really Old Man Who Can Lift More Weight Than Me:

Shouldn’t you be dead or something? How old are you, anyway?

Love ya,
Karly

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Dear Dirty Sweaty Men Out The Window Installing Bleachers Next To The Tennis Courts:

I have a mini-van parked out back. The seats fold down. Meet me there in ten minutes. Yes, all of you.

Muah,
Karly